Dear companions of this never-ending journey, I will use this journal to post my story and share with you my recent experiences. I have never posted on this forum before, but I have been an active reader for 10 years. I want to thank everyone who posted their stories here and on yourbrainonporn because you gave me a lot of hope and courage. I hope my story can help you as others did for me. I was introduced to porn at an early age (12/13 years old) by a middle-school classmate. Since my first view, I got completely hooked by porn. During middle-school, I spent most of my afternoons masturbating at home alone watching hours of porn non-stop and playing videogames. During the years, I began losing morning erections. I began losing erections while masturbating and escalated in my porn genres. This routine had damaging effects on my social life and confidence. While still in elementary school, I was a social kid, with a lot of male and female friends. But once I got hooked, the number of friends drastically decreased, especially the number of female friends. My sex life started at an early age as well (14 years old) but soon my ED problems emerged. I still remember the first time that my body did not react to a naked girl in my bed. I felt so bad, so ashamed, so angry with myself. The bad experiences with the other sex started to accumulate year after year and my desire to flirt with girls was affected. During my high school, I entered a bad spiral of masturbation, porn, failed attempts, alcohol, drugs and repeat. I also stopped working out and practicing sport. Most of the times I encountered a girl who was into me, I felt a blocking feeling inside my stomach because I was so afraid of what could happen if we tried to sleep together. I could never feel the natural physical attraction on the first night with a new girl. It normally took me 2 or 3 failed attempts with the same girl before I could really succeed. Condoms were a no-no for my erections as well. If I ever had an ok erection with a girl while foreplaying on the first night, if I tried to pull off for a second just to take out a condom from my pockets, the erection was already over. By such, one-night stands were never a real thing for me. I had to rely on long lasting relationships to get my share of sex during the years. Plus, I felt unworthy chasing the good-looking girls that I really liked. The few long-lasting relationships that I had were with girls that I did not like as much. I was never 100% happy with them, but at the same time I did not want to feel alone. While in relationship with these girls, I kept masturbating non-stop and dreaming of other girls. As you can imagine, some sooner, others later, they broke up with me. I discovered yourbrainonporn around 10 years ago while I was still at the university. I just had broken up with a girlfriend at that time. The discovery of the forum was eye-opening. I already knew inside myself that something was wrong with my masturbation and that it was damaging my relationships, but I was also ashamed to talk with people about my problem. Luckily, I found the website while searching for an explanation on Google. During the 5 years after, I had multiple hard-mode streaks of +30 days. My longest streak was around 60 days. During this period, I restarted working out, I graduated with honors from my university, and I had few relationships with the other sex. I had my best year ever when I went to study abroad. Everything seemed better and my life was starting to turn around. However, when I came back from my year abroad, I went back to PMO. Not sure how and why, but it happened. And, like a divine punishment, few weeks later I met a former high-school gf that I liked a lot. We attempted several times to have sex, but I always failed. I could feel she liked me a lot as well. I remember literally praying for a decent erection but sadly my body could never get turned on. This experience completely broke me apart. Then, I moved abroad for work, and we stopped seeing each other. Later, Covid19 came and my PMO habit skyrocketed again. I felt very lonely during this period. I stopped working out and I gained more than 15kg. I restarted playing videogames and I did not have much social life as well. Last summer I decided to move back to my home country, I changed job and I started to practice sport again. I almost lost 10kg in one year and I am in the best shape I have ever been. I have been trying to bring my PMO under control again and I am currently in a hard-mode streak of +20 days. Recently, my former high-school gf contacted me again because she found out I came back from abroad. We went out few times so far but nothing sexual yet, although I can feel the sparks in the air from both sides. I am also spending time together with a girl that goes to my same gym with whom I have a particularly good vibe. Not sure what I will do with both girls, but I am currently taking the long way home because I do not want to break apart as I did the last time. "Everything you ever wanted lives on the other side of fear." I wish you all the best, my friends!