Every time I try it comes back twice as bad

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Wookiecheese, Oct 3, 2020.

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  1. Wookiecheese

    Wookiecheese New Member

    I've masterbated since 5 via lying face down and rubbing my genitals (I called it the bum dance) as it felt good, first porn I saw was was around 10 and was just soft core magazines you would find in the woods. My first sexual mastibation was around 13 and that again was to magazines but not the pictures it was the stories and they were always cuckold, the more horrible for the husband/boyfriend the better. I've never told anyone this but before porn I did the bum dance thinking about someone ruining my coat that I loved that I had for my birthday, I needed to say that because as I was typing this that memory came into my head.

    Anyway I have an amazing wife together since I was 17, I've never been with anyone else and I've have never wanted to, she has also never been with anyone else, I know this because I have confessed the cuckold fantasy so if she wanted to she could of by now. Even in our most sexual I have still masterbated at least once a day every day since we have met.

    I have been trying to quit porn and mastibation since the beginning of this year and each time I relapse my masterbation doubles, I masterbated 4 times yesterday and its not even porn, porn is like a starter and then I find a horrific sex story and thats my main course and the dessert is just absolute shame, I'm on here now because I can't do this anymore and I won't go to therapy because I'm English and I ain't doing that, anyway I'm still going to try, I'm getting rid of all porn again and my bookmarks and ill cross my fingers and hope for the best, any advise would be great
     
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  2. axebattler

    axebattler Member Staff Member

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  3. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    Welcome @Wookiecheese, thanks for sharing your story.

    You haven't explicitly stated the reasons you want to abstain from porn and masturbation. I guess because it seems to be associated with shame or hurt for you? It also seems to be taking a lot of your time and energy.

    Being English isn't a reason not seek therapy. I'm not psychologist but there seems to be some deep seat connection between masturbation and feeling hurt for you?

    It can be hard to get out of relapse, especially if you are beating yourself up about it. Don't. You will gradually be able to abstain for longer and bounce back quicker from a relapse.
     
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  4. Wookiecheese

    Wookiecheese New Member

    Thanks for the reply, my reasons are shame and time, I always remember the terry crews video and him saying when you finiah and you realise its 4am you know you have a problem, before that I thought it was just me.

    Obviously there is a humiliation factor here and I think that is what has stopped me from looking for help as I'm fearful that me explaining what is going on with me would turn me on, but it hasn't so this is something I've learnt today and hopefully that will help me overcome this
     
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  5. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    Hi @Wookiecheese, how's it going?

    I know that crushing feeling when you after hours of edging, turning from feeling excited obsession to yuck in a millisecond. You realise you are cold, hungry, alone, empty and you choose to let the addiction steel your sleep yet again. Just another reminder of why we are going to kick this addict to the curb.
     
  6. Wookiecheese

    Wookiecheese New Member

    Not great, me and my wife got close last night and I finished, my first in 3 days, which sounds silly because whats 3 days it should be nothing but it wasnt, now this morning my need to masterbate has increase to an horrific amount, I'm having trouble not thinking about it, its like I want to be empty, like needing the toilet really bad, that probably not the best example but that all I can come up with. I thought last night would of helped.
     
  7. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    I think you going to have to give the process more time.

    There are two approaches. On is the choice method, which says you always have a choice to deny the craving to masturbate - no matter how bad. You could put yourself in a situation that makes masturbate not really possible.

    The alternative is approach is to say you are helpless and put your faith in a higher power.
     
  8. Wookiecheese

    Wookiecheese New Member

    I've got to go choice man, the higher power has never worked for me, I'll just take it a day at a time
     
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