ESQUIRE Magazine Why Porn Addiction Can Ruin Your Sex Life for Good

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by GABE, Jun 24, 2019.

  1. GABE

    GABE Porn gave me a limp noodle

    Pete McVries likes this.
  2. -Luke-

    -Luke- Active Member

    Nice!

    Thanks for everything you're doing, Gabe.
     
  3. WilliamOneAndDone

    WilliamOneAndDone Active Member

    Excellent article.

    The most important question if you are a newbie here is: What do I "want", why do I "want" it, what do I "like", why do I" like" it?

    Why?

    You are not addicted to porn. You are addicted to a dopamine rush.

    Take a listen.



    Steven is wrong on one point, most who become porn addicted are not consciously trying to get a dopamine fix; they are trying to get it, and getting it, but they do not conceive of it in those terms. That is part of the problem, a lot of people fail to appreciate that porn is not addictive, it is just a button that leads to sexual thoughts, and sexual thoughts naturally lead to a dopamine rush. It's just that our brains did not evolve in an environment where artificial sexual stimulation was so efficient at producing the dopamine rush. The future it now. It's OK, we just need to be self aware. You want to quit your addiction? Study it. It works.

    Much love.

    W.
     
    Pete McVries likes this.
  4. WilliamOneAndDone

    WilliamOneAndDone Active Member

    OK, so everyone is here for the same reason, but it hits us all a bit differently.

    Let's breakdown the article Gabe posted.

    The only reason anyone ever gave up porn is because is created a problem. It creates a lot of problems. One big problem is Porn Induced Erectile Disfunction. This happens when the brain comes to prefer porn over reality, as in over actual sex, as a means of achieving a dopamine rush.

    The article also hints that it is High Speed Internet Porn that is problematic. We, humanity, have always used porn to get the dopamine rush that is, ultimately, addictive, but though we have always used porn to get it, it was not until the invention of High Speed Internet Porn that seeking it became something that could become addictive. HSIP is far more efficient than other types of porn in producing that prolonged, profound, high. It's not our daddy's porn; it is a different tech, leading to a different brain reaction.

    The article talks about one test for porn addiction--which is NOT porn addiction, but is dopamine addiction via porn. Understand your neurotransmitters. The test is: Can you reach O with M without P? If you cannot, but only can with P, congratulations, you are addicted.

    I, myself, lost the ability to reach O with sex. I could reach it with P, but could not with sex. That was no problem for me personally, but it made my sexual partner feel that she was not enough for me. So, it had to change.

    This is a relatively new phenomena. Again, let's say HSIP was created 15 years ago. We have 15 years of what is called "porn addiction". It's new. We are learning about it.

    Younger guys have it worse than older guys, older guys being guys who grew up before the internet. Why? Because older guys experienced actual sex before HSIP, meaning their brains grew up the old fashioned way. Newer guys, younger guys, experience porn BEFORE sex. To get back to "normal", they have to figure out a way to live without the instant gratification that HSIP can provide via a dopamine high. Sex is less efficient than porn in producing that dopamine high--an uncomfortable truth.

    HSIP is a super stimulus that is infinite. We can search forever and never see the same thing twice. That "search" for the never before seen is part of the dopamine high we chase. Being aware of this is key to overcoming the problem.

    Porn abuse changes the brain, in that the brain comes to prefer it as a means of achieving a reward---the dopamine high. Quitting requires us to change the brain back.

    Is porn actually addictive? Part of the problem here is semantics. Words. Porn itself is NOT addictive. The search for a dopamine high, though, is hardwired, and, in nature, naturally occurring, healthy. We, humanity, have just invented new ways to get that high that are more efficient than we could get it in the environment in which we evolved.

    Porn has something to do with "recreational sex". This means sex for the fun of it, or, neurologically, sex for the dopamine high of it. Somewhere along our evolutionary path, we evolved to have sex not only to procreate, but just to enjoy it. Once we invented HSIP, we figured out how to use porn to achieve that same feeling--but much more efficiently. It's OK, just become self aware. Know what you are doing when you watch porn: You are using it, like a tool, like a drug, to get a high. No judgment, just be aware of it.

    Don't choke chickens--it's inhumane. That's an "inside" joke. That was also an inside joke...

    Noah Church is a quitter--but in a good way.

    This problem can seem epic, especially when the user of porn, aka the user of porn to achieve nonstop dopamine highs, tries to quit, and the brain says YOU ARE NOT QUITTING!!!!!. The brain can be a bitch that way. But, reliance on porn to achieve that dopamine high is a learned brain reaction. It can, consciously, be unlearned. You don't have to live with that high for life, if you don't want to, but you have to want not to. It's not just going to go away, you have to make it go away, and that takes practice. If you want it to go away, you have to practice something you will not like--you will have to practice not getting high, and if you have been getting high, via porn, for years, it's going to take a second to train your brain to live without that.

    Watching porn, using porn to get high, is a choice. No judgment. We all like a dopamine rush. But if you choose to watch porn you have no choice: You will get a dopamine rush. Your choice.



    Be who you want to be. Don't be who you don't want to be.

    Much love.

    William.
     
  5. WilliamOneAndDone

    WilliamOneAndDone Active Member

    If Gary Wilson had not analyzed the explosion of porn consumption, it was inevitable that someone would. Thankfully, he did, and he did it excellently. You have probably seen this video. I have watched it hundreds of times. Whether you have watched it before, or not, take time now to watch it. It is 16:29 long. Before you watch it, go get a cup of coffee, a glass of water, a beverage, and be prepared to watch it start to finish, which is very difficult for an addict because longer than 9 seconds usually loses our interest. I am going to break it down.

    https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/abo...rys-tedx-talk-the-great-porn-experiment-2012/

    First, the years is 2012. That is important, why? By 2012, only 7 years ago, porn consumption, and for some, the seeming inability to "quit" consuming porn, had become an open problem in the US and other western countries. Porn consumption itself--watching porn, rubbing one off to porn--PMOing--was not considered a mental health issue or malady up to about this time. It was just a thing that younger people, mostly guys, but to a lesser extent women, did, and was viewed, mostly, as a harmless or harmless but weird, but mostly harmless, pastime. You could be doing a lot worse, so some puritanically minded people said, like having actual sex, right? It wasn't drugs, right?

    By about 2007, High Speed Internet Porn was becoming widespread. We, humanity, have always been fascinated with sex, sexual thoughts, portrayals of sex, leading to sexual thoughts, because sexual thoughts leads to a brain reaction we like: A dopamine high. Whether you like porn or do not like porn, you like a dopamine high because you are a human being, and we are wired to like it. But, by around 2012, a lot of people were realizing they liked it too much, so much so they were watching it every day, multiple times a day, multiple PMOs a day, and found it so difficult to quit, the thought of quitting was an impossible thought for some.

    Back to the vid.

    Gary talks about HSIP consumption as an unconscious experiment. He's sort of right. Many people think they watch porn because they like watching porn. WRONG. People watch porn because they unconsciously like getting a dopamine high. Knowing what you are actually doing is a big part of quitting what you are actually doing.

    Back to vid.

    Whether you want to, or not, by around age 10, human males start to think about sex A LOT. That's natural, part of nature's evolved way of encouraging what it deems most necessary for the species: breeding. This of course does not mean nature encourages 10 year olds to breed, but it is getting their brains on track to eventually do so. Turns out that thinking of sex leads to a dopamine reward, and that, with or without porn, starts to happen in the human brain at around 10, and as anyone knows, by about 13-14, thoughts of sex become very fascinating to us, whether we want them to, or not.

    Back to vid.

    High Speed Internet Porn is different than what came before. It allows for endless novelty. Turns out that it is not just sexual thoughts that produce a dopamine rush, but that high gets amped by the ability to seek for the never before seen sexual image, which in turn leads to the never before had sexual thought, which in turn leads to a new, more powerful, dopamine high. Hustler, Playboy, Penthouse--we liked what we saw, but that media platform was finite compared to HSIP. If you are stuck on a desert island, and you have a Playboy, congratulations, you can use it to get off--to produce a brain reaction, a dopamine high--for a while, but, eventually, you will get bored with the pics, meaning you will become desensitized to them. Same reason, in reality, why we become less passionate about sex with out mate. We may still like it, I know I do, but it is less urgent as the years go by. This is perfectly natural. HSIP does something that is not natural, as in does not occur in nature, and so our brains have not evolved to cope with it quite yet. HSIP lets us click, click, click to constantly new, novel, never before seen sexual imagery, and part of the dopamine addiction reality is that the "search" for that never before seen image is also, like the image itself, rewarded with a dopamine hit.

    Back to the video.

    No judgment. Nature wants us fucking as many women as possible. HOLD UP, that came out crude. Truth, in our evolutionary past, nature saw spreading our DNA around, swapping off with various partner, an evolutionary positive. Same with all mammals. This is the reason why, while you may love the one you are with, you are still looking at others, and getting a little dopamine high from it. We like to think of ourselves as higher animals, not subject to those cruder impulses, but that part of the brain that encourages sex, to encourage reproduction, evolved to its current state, hundreds of thousands or even over a million years ago. Part of our brains continued to evolve to where we are now. We invented language, the ability to communicate, ultimately the ability to create electricity, machines, the internet--but while our brains were evolving to invent all those things, the part of the brain that had evolved to encourage reproduction did not evolve at all, because it did not need to; it had reached that point in its evolution where it did exactly what nature wanted it to do with no further modifications, improvements, or corrections. It is that part of the brain that makes us horny and hungry, and makes seeking food and seeking sex--seeking, not just getting--enjoyable to us, and that little bit of enjoyment is a dopamine hit.

    Back to vid.

    "Without the Coolidge Effect, there would be no internet porn." This flows from the concept above--males are interested in multiple, different, females, as in multiple, different, possible mates. It goes back to click, click, click. You don't just surf the net and rub one off on the first porno you see--you search multiple vids, for sometimes as long as an hour, before you finally get to the point where you are ready to "finish." What you are doing is riding a dopamine thrill for that time. This is possible due to the Coolidge Effect, from which your brain rewards finding new females to breed with, or potentially breed with. Unfortunately, that part of your primitive brain that encourages that, has real difficulty distinguishing the sexual thought it rewards from thinking about sex with a real woman, from the sexual thought it rewards from thinking about pixels on the screen.

    Back to vid.

    That primitive part of the brain responsible for rewarding reproduction cannot distinguish between porn and reality. Sure, you know its not real, but that is your frontal lobe. The part of the brain that rewards sex DOES NOT CARE IF IT IS REAL, OR NOT, it is only interesting in rewarding a sexual thought with a dopamine rush, which we like. Think sex=dopamine rush, whether the thought is the result of sizing up a potential, real, partner, or seeing pixels of sex on the screen.

    Sex is sex, porn is porn, porn is not sex, sex is not porn. Obvious, and yet difficult for a porn addict to grasp, or, more specifically, difficult for a porn addict's brain to grasp.

    Back to vid.

    It is hard to forensically study porn addiction, because our society is so drenched in porn consumption, no base line subjects who had not consumed porn, or been exposed to it, or watched it, could be found in the adult male population, by 2009, so, comparing the brains of those who had not watched porn to those who watched it regularly was a comparison that was impossible to make, at least in the USA.

    Gary calls it arousal addiction, but, more correctly, it is addiction to a feeling, and the feeling is a dopamine rush, with an endogenous opioid cherry on top. The click, click, click is the dopamine rush, the endogenous opioid rush is released during orgasm. Yes, Margaret, it's all between your ears. It is all happening in your brain.

    Using porn, becoming addicted to the brain rewards of using porn, causes side effects that mimic other diagnoses. The big ones for me were brain fog and anxiety, and anxiety mostly when quitting. We use porn, like a tool, to elicit brain reactions, reward, that we interpret as feeling good. In a sense, use of porn is self medication, but for no reason. Using that analogy gets us pretty close to porn consumption as drug consumption or drug abuse. There is the high, then reality without the high, which we perceive as negative, without the high.

    Back to vid.

    The super stimuli that is porn allows a user to ride a dopamine high that is far more profound and prolonged than any that occurs in nature, naturally. Enter DELTAFOSB. DeltaFosB is one of the reasons riding that dopamine high becomes addictive, or can. The National Center for Biotechnology Information calls DeltaFosB a sustained molecular switch for addiction. For us, all that is important to know is that once the brain has produced a reward, in the form of a dopamine rush, for finding sex or food, DeltaFosB never lets us forget where we got it, and where we got the reward for getting it. Translation: Once you get high from porn, your brain will never let you forget you can get high from porn. That makes quitting porn, long term, difficult, because once you have gotten that high, your brain will never let you forget it. This is true in all addiction models.

    Sensitization, desensitization, escalation, re-sensitization, re-desensitization, re-escalation--addiction.

    The first time Gabe Deem saw porn it was a magazine he found. He, like all of us, found the portrayals of sex to be fascinating. Translation, he found the dopamine rush from the sexual thoughts the image produced fascinating, fascinating meaning pleasurable, or perceived as pleasure. But, over time, that image would have become boring to him. So, initially, we are sensitive to relatively benign porn. Think Victoria Secrets magazines. But, over time, the brain becomes numbed to the dopamine response that image produced. That is when we need to escalate to get the dopamine response back. For addicts, this is where guys, and some women, too, start moving through the categories. Whatever category you started out viewing, the one you saw what you believed was your normal, natural, sexuality in, you will eventually become bored with (desensitized to), and have to find something else, to get the old dopamine hit you initially got. This can be confusing to users because, in order to get that old dopamine high, they have to migrate to categories they no longer see any of what they consider their normal sexuality in, at all. Turns out that in addition to a sexual thought (dopamine hit), and searching for a sexual thought, that sexual thoughts that are shocking also bring a dopamine hit. So many people who are addicted started at vanilla porn, and migrate to something shocking, even a bit aggressive, because, owing to desensitization, they have had to escalate to a category that is clearly not vanilla porn.

    The more you use porn, the more you like porn. The more you seek that dopamine high, the more you want that dopamine high, but the more you want it, the less likely it is that the category you used to initially get it, will get it for you--meaning your porn will become gradually more aggressive or shocking.

    Back to vid.

    Addiction, this one, all of them, changes the brain, alters the brain. Addicts become hypersensitive to the substance used to achieve a dopamine high.

    So, remember, they could not find enough guys in the USA who had not used porn to get a dopamine high to form a control group? (And, by the way, that is the ONLY reason we use porn, to get a dopamine high). By 2012, enough guys had realized porn had caused a problem, that many were quitting. THEY, the quitters, formed a control group, of a type. By measuring changes in their brains, researchers were able to see that the changes porn consumption caused in the human brain, can be changed back, to, more or less normal, by removing the super stimuli from the brain. The good news for an addict is that when you give it up you are going to miss it, but, eventually, you won't miss it so much, and with more time, won't miss it at all.

    The only reason a porn addict would give up porn is because it causes a problem in their life, not uncommonly, Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction. There are two, main, physical symptoms of porn addiction, which is, actually, dopamine addiction: PIED, and inability to reach orgasm during sex. I never had PIED. I did form an inability to reach O during sex, which was no problem for that guy I was, because I was able to have sex all the time, and I just got my O later with P. But that guy had to change to this guy, because that guy's girl developed a lack of confidence in herself as a result of that guy's inability to reach O with her during sex. Simple solution: quit porn, and start having O during sex. For an addict, that is harder than it sounds, and I really struggled with not thinking of porn during sex to reach O, but not thinking about porn during sex is essential to fixing that problem.

    PIED involves desensitization to actual sex. Porn is more efficient than actual sex at producing a dopamine high. Sex required negotiation, porn does not, is ubiquitous, and always accessible. Quitting the addiction is not just about quitting porn, it is about quitting a non stop dopamine high, giving it up, but that is necessary, both to overcoming the addiction, and to eradicating PIED.

    People who start using HSIP before they have sex--meaning most of today's porn using population--have a harder time quitting porn than older generations. This fact, that Gary points out, is, essentially, meaningless now, in 2019 and the future, because less and less guys will have had sex with a woman before being exposed to HSIP. Younger guy's brains are more plastic, more bendable, to porn, so to speak, and more and more younger guys are being exposed to HSIP. This means the 90 model of recovery, though quitting, may have to be extended to 120-150 days, for guys who grew up on HSIP. If HSIP has been your sole basis for obtaining a dopamine high, as opposed to any actual sex, for years, it may take you a second to overcome the addiction, as in plan on 4-5 months monk mode.

    Thanking Gary Wilson for opening our eyes.

    Much love.

    Will I AM.
     
  6. WilliamOneAndDone

    WilliamOneAndDone Active Member

    This is an interesting video that gives you way too much information about the brain science of addiction. Also shows what happens when an addictive personality goes into science. Dopamine is a reward neurotransmitter present in all addictions. There is, I won't call it a debate, so much as a discussion, about whether dopamine rewards getting "it", whatever it is, versus searching for, looking for, seeking for, wanting, liking, it.

    Put this in terms of food. Being hungry is the definition of "wanting" food. When you become hungry you probably are going to "search" for food. The discussion comes down to whether you get a dopamine rush from looking for food, as opposed to actually eating it. Personally, I think it is both. I know, you say, but William, how can being hungry result in a dopamine reward? To which I would say, nature did not just decide to reward eating, it decided to reward hunting. The brain is a complicated computer. If you are an addict, start with that thought, and figure out the programming. It helps.



    Much love.

    W.
     
  7. WilliamOneAndDone

    WilliamOneAndDone Active Member

    @Johhny Bravo

    Johhny Bravo said something I believe in, to a point.


    Why 'Counting the Days' is a Voodoo Curse. Stop counting days.

    I clearly remember the day I "quit". I did not say I was going to count it out. Counters did not exist. Some people were talking about the hard 90, as in challenging each other to go 90 before going back, but no one was talking quitting for life. In fact, few were talking about "porn addiction." Those were the early days, when people were learning porn was causing habits in their life they did not like, but they did not understand that porn was not porn, and that it was a tool we use to achieve what is actually addictive, a dopamine rush in response to the hypersexual thoughts porn brings.

    This forum is not about seeing how long you can go without. Truth is, while many addiction models don't fit porn perfectly, the models that say "winning means giving it up for life" are the ones most of us here will use to the greatest success. Not saying once you are clean a glimpse of it is a "relapse." Saying, avoiding those glimpses makes never relapsing much more likely and sustainable.

    I believe blocking months on your calendar to absolutely avoid a dopamine rush is helpful to quitting. But those months, they are just training wheels. Riding the bike, ultimately, means quitting forever and actually becoming unaware of how many days you are on, except maybe from time to time.

    There is a whole other reality on this side of clean. Johhny did it. Gabe did it. I, and many others did it. Come on in, the water is warm. OK, stop, the water sucks, because quitting sucks, as in withdrawals, but, truly, the withdrawals do, with effort and time, go away.

    Johhny is moving on. He is showing us it can be done. Thanks for that, Johhny.

    Much love.

    Will I AM.
     
    Johhny Bravo likes this.
  8. Johhny Bravo

    Johhny Bravo Every temptation is another chance of life revival


    Johnny love you.

    And Johnny loves himself.

    The latter was the 'real journey'
     
  9. WilliamOneAndDone

    WilliamOneAndDone Active Member

    Distraction techniques.

    Quitting porn does not have to be about, ahem, white knuckling it. This does not have to be done 100% on will power. There are tricks to the trade of quitting porn.

    First of all, it is important to understand you are not quitting porn. The phrase "quitting porn" is inapt. Rather, you are quitting the process of using porn, like a tool, to achieve a dopamine rush. It is the dopamine rush, with the endogenous opioid cherry on top that you are addicted to. You are addicted to a feeling, a brain reaction. In order to overcome this problem you must become unaddicted to that brain reaction, and avoid it, for at least 90 days.

    Now, the 90 thing is not a cure. It is taking time to convince your thinking brain that you can actually quit, because your primitive brain is telling you you cannot. The primitive brain likes that dopamine hit so much it lies to the part of your brain that thinks. Also, the 90 day thing helps retrain your primitive brain not to want and expect a dopamine high, and miss it when it is gone. Think of the 90 days as a training period. Long term, as Johhny Bravo has said, qutting must be quitting, but between addicted and quit, there are a few helpful tricks.

    It's not really porn that must be avoided during the reboot, but a dopamine rush, and sexual thoughts along result in a dopamine rush. This can be quite frustrating for a newbie quitting, because, having given up porn, the primitive brain will allow itself to trigger on just about anything.

    When I was quitting I actually began to trigger on a blender, especially when it was running. One day I found myself enamored of it, in a deep brain fog, and I found myself breathing deeply and slowly walking toward the high speed blender. I was almost there, I wasn't for sure what I was going to do, or if I could stop myself, all I could think about was that blender. Just when I thought I might touch it, when I thought it was impossible not to touch it, the door bell rang, distracting me for a micro second, and I was able to turn the blender off, not touch it, and avoid relapse.

    OK, just a joke to emphasis the importance of distraction. The thing about the blender is not true, just seeing if your are still reading. I mean sure, its cute, not that big a turn on.

    One of the things, in quitting, that the quitter has to be aware of it that it is the dopamine rush that is to be avoided. This means it is not only porn that must be avoided, but porn substitutes, vanilla porn, any visually (or audio, or literature) that results in a sexual thought, because that thought is your brain, during the quitting phase, finding an alternative source of the dopamine high you must avoid to reach unaddicted. Too many people focus on just giving up porn, and fail to appreciate that once you give it up, as a means to a dopamine rush, the dopamine starved brain will start to trigger on other things, including some things society does not deem porn, such as bikini pics, for instance. I know, you are saying, but William, bikini pics are not porn, I am not addicted to bikini pics, to which I would reply, true, they are not, but you are not addicted to porn, you are addicted to a dopamine high, and, especially when you deprive the brain of porn, it will use whatever it can get to get that dopamine high. This includes media of all description.

    You cannot avoid all triggers, and you cannot avoid all sexual thoughts, but, knowing going in you can minimize them, is a tool you can.

    One thing you have to avoid is the 2 second sexual thought from becoming a 30 minute, dopamine drenched, sex opera, in your head. But this goes farther, to avoid PMO as well.

    Here are some helpful links to "distraction techniques."

    https://www.verywellmind.com/coping-with-emotions-with-distraction-2797606

    https://www.beautyafterbruises.org/blog/distraction101

    https://papyrus-uk.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/Resources-Distraction-Techniques-Comms-Edit.pdf

    For the sexual thought distraction--this will sound stupid, but it worked for me--when the sex thought hit--and it hit a lot after I quit porn--I said "no no no" to myself, not out loud, just to myself, and sucked my tongue off the roof of my mouth making a little tst sound. That worked. I avoided a lot of needless dopamine highs that way.

    For longer term PMO, disengaging from your tech, and investing in reality anywhere other than where you commonly use, is very helpful. I suggest being around other people, even if you don't know them. Porn is isolating, and part of the method of quitting it is to something porn addicts hate and find very uncomfortable; you have to reengage with humanity, real humans, who are messy and imperfect, not perfect pixels. As a practical matter, not a distraction, plan now on making it hard to access porn. I will talk to you about blockers later, but I am talking about moving your computer, or not using your computer, where people would notice you accessing porn. Porn addicts may be addicts, but I don't know of any who openly use porn around other people. At the office and at home and at school, keep your doors open, and keep the screen to the door, so it is possible anyone walking by would see it. If you can move your computer to a more public area, do so. Last pearl of wisdom. Smart phones are nice, but it this is your means of accessing the problem, get a dumb phone. It's only temporary until you got things under control.

    The thought for the day is: Keep going, porn is not an option. Don't quit porn casually, quit it with purpose. During the reboot define yourself as a person quitting porn. In the morning, at work or school, during lunch, digger, before bed, in the middle of the night when the porn monster wants you to come out and play, define yourself as a person quitting porn. During the reboot, let that be who you are.

    Much love.

    Billy the Kid.
     
  10. WilliamOneAndDone

    WilliamOneAndDone Active Member

    I am posting on this thread for July, to boost it. Anyone wants to comment, please do. The more the merrier. Questions? The worst I can answer is "I don't know". If you are here and don't want to be here, this is the place for you. No one wants to be here. Being here sucks. This is the place you start to get away from. This is the place you start at to get to where you want to be: not here, clean. This is the starting place. The ending place is not using porn to get high. Now you begin.

    Gary Wilson interviewed. Gabe Deem says "read everything." This means, study the problem. Get Educated. Once you study the problem, the problem becomes smaller. Porn is a fantastic way of getting high. It's free, its everywhere. 2006 was the invention of High Speed Internet Porn. Know your history. This is NOT about sex, not about orgasm, not about MO; it is about using porn to get a neurological reward--a dopamine high. It is all about the brain. It is about PERCEPTION. It is 100% between your ears, above the belt. Do yourself a favor and give up the concept that porn addiction is about sex. It is not. It is about using porn to achieve a brain change.



    Let's read it down. Adolescent brains are different. If you are a younger guy, you are more susceptible to abusing porn to achieve a dopamine high. Not your fault. Your brain is developing, and your brain is learning how to achieve "rewards", learning how to feel...vital, to feel "good". We feel good about two things especially, eating, and fucking. More correctly, we feel good about thinking about eating and fucking.

    Crude? Yes. But understand what thinking about fucking is. Thinking about fucking is nature's way of encouraging the thing nature wants most from every species--making more of us. The ability to reproduce is the most successful survival trait in all species. Without it the species disappears. So, what you may think of as crude, is actually brilliant. Nature invented a way to make us make more of us. It's just that we found a way, an artificial way, an artificial sexual stimulation , a super stimulation, aka porn, to achieve that neurological reward/high/rush, for no other reason than it gets us high. We like being high.

    Thinking about those things result in dopamine highs. We learn when we are young. We learn how to reach a dopamine high from X. Whatever X is, in your environment. If porn is your X, you have learned to use X to achieve a dopamine high. In nature, this is learning how to achieve food and sex. But, about 2006, we invented High Speed Internet Porn, and an alternative means of achieving a dopamine high for sexual thoughts that has NOTHING to do with actual sex. Younger guys--and now just about every guy--is wiring to porn to achieve a dopamine high. It's OK, just understand it.

    Porn addiction has nothing to do with sex, except, for porn addicts, it can destroy your desire to have actual sex. Sex is not porn, porn is not sex, but if you get hooked on porn, porn becomes more efficient than sex in producing what, otherwise, is a naturally occurring dopamine high. At that point, the addict, or, more specifically, the addict's brain, comes to prefer porn over sex, at which point, for lack of a better word, sex becomes "boring" to the addict's brain, and porn becomes the thing that does it for them.

    If you are in a relationship, and are porn addicted, do you need to talk about it? Answer: Not really. OK to let the other side know you have a problem, but talking about it won't fix it. You are not going to cure your addiction by discussing with your partner why you like videos of....whatever fucked up stuff you have migrated to in search of your dopamine high. Most important, fix it. What you are watching has nothing to do with your sexuality. You are using porn, even far out porn, because that is where your brain takes it to get your fix.

    Porn fasting is the key to quitting. Translation. The key to quitting is quitting. We talk a lot about "the hard 90". 90 days, no porn, no artificial sexual stimulation, no porn substitutes, no vanilla porn. This will be painful. This is bending your brain back to normal. You will still be fucked up, once you get back to normal, because fucked up is the normal human state, but you will be far less fucked up than you are while being porn addicted.

    Keep going. Porn is not an option.

    Much love.

    Will I AM.
     

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