Enough is Enough (My Rebooting Journal)

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by CK2120, Sep 17, 2012.

  1. CK2120

    CK2120 Guest

    Hey guys, today I am starting my Road to Recovery from Porn ED. Here is my story: I started watching porn when I was around 14 and masturbated too it every time. At first it was awesome and I was erect to the point that it actually hurt. I kept masturbating with and without porn excessively throughout my teenage years preforming the dreaded death grip every time. I have not gone without porn or masturbating for more than 10 days. I am now 20 years old and in college. I have never have had sex but have been in bed with multiple woman. I first noticed that I could not get it up last year (19 years old) when this girl was giving me my first hand job. Even when I saw her with all her clothes off I could not get it up. I have hooked up with other girls since then and am had the same problem with each one.

    I knew I had a serious problem and immediately blamed it on the masturbating I did every day. I did some research and found and learned about Porn ED and read all the symptoms and knew that I had it. I am here now to finally kick the addiction after many relapses and too journal my experiences.

    This is Day 1 (I have never gone more than a week without looking a porn or masturbating to sexual images like facebook pics). I hope that writing a journal will not only help me but help others. Any support will be greatly appreciated; I know I could use it!
     
  2. CK2120

    CK2120 Guest

    Re: Enough is Enough (My Rebooting Journal) ( Day 2)

    Alright, it is Day 2 of rebooting and Ive only had the urge to look at porn once today (It is only 2:00 pm so I will post if I feel the need too again later tonight). I do have a headache though and I blame it on the fact that I have been alone in my dorm for the past 2 hours and have not looked at porn. I am worried however because I know how bad the urges get. Like I said in my previous post I have not been without porn or masturbating for more than 10 days. I know the next few days will be rough but I know I can get through them.

    I actually had an erection last night thinking of a girl I hooked up with last year. A full erection that lasted for more than 2 minutes. I have to say that I loved the feeling and enjoyed it but I know it was kind of a tease because I know I will flat-line soon. I have found myself today wishing the day would just get over with so Day 3 can come and go and so on. It gets frustrating.
     
  3. CK2120

    CK2120 Guest

    Re: Enough is Enough (My Rebooting Journal) ( Day 3-I Have a question)

    Today is day 3 of me being PMO free. It was rough today, I had urges to watch porn when I was alone so I decided to hop in bed and take a nap thinking I could sleep away the urge. This actually worked BUT I woke up to having the urge just to masturbate! I had no urge to hop on my computer and look up porn whatsoever but just to masturbate. The urge was so strong. The thing is that the visuals that were popping up in my mind were not of porn but of previous girls I have hooked up with and seen naked. Those images I could see clearly and I could not help myself but to rub, but only till it got hard! kind of like edging but I stopped at the point of an erection and not at orgasm. However, the visuals alone did not get me hard but once I started to rub a little and think just of those past girls ive seen I became 100% hard

    My Question is: Is it good that I am relating masturbation to my own visuals from past experiences and getting hard? Or do you think its just the brain just trying to get me to masturbate so it'll feel good?

    Thanks guys!
     
  4. CK2120

    CK2120 Guest

    Day 4! Alot better than Day 3, thats for sure. Really no urges at all. I had some porn flashbacks today of pornstars that I watched regularly but never got an erection. It was more of a thought of: "Damn I wish I could look up this girl right now and watch a video of her but I cant so oh well." Even though I was alone and I was surfing the internet. I think my willpower has grown since the last time I tried to reboot which is amazing.

    However, I am also thinking that a flatline is quickly approaching which is why I have had no urges and little feeling down there today. I have been fantasizing more and more of women I have been with and seen naked and touched. I dont know if this is a good thing or bad thing? I hope it is a good thing because I hope it will rewire my brain into wanting the feeling of a woman instead of a visual picture of her. Now I dont think about these past girls on purpose...images of them just pop up in my mind and I choose not to block them out unlike what I do if porn images enter my head.

    Hopefully Day 5 will be just like today....there is nothing I would like more right now then to flatline for a period of time and have no urge to look at porn or to masturbate. I have never been without porn or masturbation for more than 10 days so Im hoping for the best!
     
  5. Nickolas Duval

    Nickolas Duval Rebooted!

    Hi CK2120,

    Welcome to the forum! :)

    I am here to recover my porn induced ED as well. I really hate the feeling when I lie next to a beautiful girl and my little friend eh stays little. Can't wait to be fully recovered.

    Good luck with your reboot. How many days are you aiming for initially?

    Gr. Nick
     
  6. CK2120

    CK2120 Guest

    Thanks Nickolas for the warm welcome! Right now I am aiming for around 100 days...or at least till the end of December. I know it will be a struggle but im bent on making it.
     
  7. CK2120

    CK2120 Guest

    Alright guys, Its Day 5! I know its kinda early in the day to post but I have a unbelievable urge right now to look at porn! I will edit this later tonight if anything happens and let you know if I get other urges. But man this urge is the strongest so far...its actually making shake. The visuals of porn i have seen are so clear inside of my head its scary, which is making this urge even worse. Not too fun right now! I have that voice going on inside my head going "oh just look at it, one video wont hurt you and it will make the urge go away and make you feel really good" and another voice telling me "dont give in" Ill update this post later tonight...im sure my day is not over with urges
     
  8. js367124

    js367124 New Member

    Your gona hate yourself if you succumb to that feeling. Get outside. Even if its just for a 30 minute walk. Always helps me.

    For me just being in my room where 90% of my masterbation has taken place can be a trigger. Your brain is wired to act a certain way in certain places.

    just go take a walk. Go buy some food. Go stimulate your dopamine some other way
     
  9. airstrike

    airstrike New Member

    Hey CK2012,

    I am in a situation similar to you. I am a 20 year old college student. I know it can be hard not to give in(God knows that I have had similar experience to yours.) The first few days are rough but 30 days out the rewards are worth it. I am beginning to discover new things about myself that I never thought possible. If you need anything shoot me a message. We are a community here and our greatest strength is each other!
     
  10. slpnggnt

    slpnggnt New Member

    hey man thanks for posting up in my journal,

    Just keep bringing back those memories of not being able to bang hot chicks when you want to look at porn!

    good luck
     
  11. CK2120

    CK2120 Guest

    Thanks guys for all the support!! I took all of your guys advice for today and did not have another urge. Tonight at work ( i work at our schools gym) the girl who worked the shift before me left an issue of cosmo magazine (that girls magazine about sex). Looking through it I read a page on sex tips that girls should preform on guys and I got a pretty good erection (it was all words and no pictures), enough where I had to reposition my pants when I sat up so no one would notice. It wasnt at 100% but its a start for only being the 6th day. Also I had no urge to watch porn but imagined me hooking up with this girl that I had previously got with.

    I appreciate all the support guys and will update later in the day tomorrow
     
  12. CK2120

    CK2120 Guest

    Alright guys its day 6 and I have some bad news. I did PMO earlier today but for less than 1 min. Im not too happy with myself right now. The thing is I didnt even have an urge and didnt even become hard when I looked it up but I was finished in less than 15 sec. The funny thing is I have have had no urge or interest in it since I looked it up. Kinda like it lost its appeal. I was planning on having setbacks and realize that I have to be stronger next time. Hopefully this wont happen again. Im gonna keep the count going.
     

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