End Game

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by TrueDat, Nov 23, 2014.

  1. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Thank you so much for replying Arrow! It means very much to me.

    Yea I think you are right too, of course she could have been with more men if she just wanted too, it's very easy to get laid for girls. I also have opportunities to get laid, I have just declined them or failed miserably, so I hope for a change in that this summer. Haha I liked your comparison with men and wine, I totally agree that it is easier for guys when we are a bit older, many girls seem to like older guys.
  2. Dicer

    Dicer Member

    Yeah no problem man. ;)
  3. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Have not been at the gym for 4 days now, still feeling a bit sick. Hope I can go there tomorrow. Yesterday I went to a football match with 2 friends from my class. We had a good time and drank a lot of beer. Not the wisest thing to do when I'm sick but I couldn't resist, these guys always drink loads of beer too. We had a really fun day and evening. I went to my girl's place in the night and she was kinda dissapointed in me because I had declined the offer to go to dinner and bowling with her family the night before. She was like "And today you can drink 6 beer? I thought you were sick, you hypocrite!" I explained that I was feeling much worse the evening when the dinner happened etc, which is the truth.

    Well I was still a bit drunk and could have sex, could go on for a long time. O'ed for the first time in 4 days.
    Woke up today feeling a bit down. Still don't have a job this summer so I am beginning to lose hope. I don't want to take a simple job with very low pay. School today sucked as well, the lecturer is learning us how to read science articles, I mean that's the only thing that we have done the past year... The quality of the education is very low in my program I think. I don't know what I want to do at the moment, feel very confused in many areas of my life: school, jobs, relationship. My gutfeeling right now is that I don't love my girl and that I should leave her soon.
  4. Dicer

    Dicer Member

    I know it can be difficult sometimes but try to be optimistic it can only get better, you are only 24 you still have your whole life so it's still everything possible. I am in a similar situation as you but I am sure we all gonna make it bro. ;)
  5. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Thanks for the encouragement! Yes, we will make it! :D

    Can't get rid of this cold, had a headache the whole day at school. Really hope that I'm feeling better tomorrow, gonna try the gym and take it easy, really miss working out. Was a long time ago since I had a 5 day break from the gym. My mood the past days has been worse than usual and I am sure that me being sick is a big factor. When I am not working out I feel bad and I also get too much time on my hands, time to think. I tend to overthink things and this is not always working in my best interest.

    I wonder If I'm gonna go home to my hometown this weekend, don't really want to right now but we will see. My girlfriend, my brother and his gf are going home (my gf comes from the same area as me). One reason why I don't want to go home is cuz I don't feel like connecting more with my gf's family, I like them all and it will be so much more difficult if I want to leave her. When I am with her family they also always talk about the trip we have planned abroad, which I don't think will include me in the end. There is a big party this weekend with my class so that's also one reason why I want to stay. One thing I noticed when we drank beer last time was that it felt so good to get that feeling of being drunk on a perfect level, I forgot about problems with school, jobs etc.
  6. bikeguy

    bikeguy Member

    It sounds like you need to get out there and spread your seed with girls a little more. I can relate to that feeling because I have it too. I think it's just a feeling of wanting to enjoy as much as you can and have fun before you get too old haha. Regardless, I wouldn't recommend cheating on the girlfriend you have right now as that would just be disrespectful and make you look bad in front of everyone. Maybe let her know how you feel about this so that you guys are on the same page. It sounds like she is a good girl and you are a lucky guy. If only you guys had met when you were both older and you had had all of your fun. Then you would be all set.

    In the mean time you should probably do what you feel is right for you. Maybe fix your ED problems in the next few months, then pursue other women if you feel the need. Just please make sure you somehow work this out w/ your gf so you don't end up hurting her.

    My Journal
  7. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    YES, I agree with everything you say. The feeling of wanting to pursue more girls and just have fun is way too strong in me, I can't settle down and keep a long relationship right now. I will stay with my girl for around 2 more months and see if I feel ready then. I mean I like her company very much. Cheating would be a very bad idea, that wouldn't help me or her the slightest bit, it would be hell for everyone basically. Breaking up, on the other hand, isn't easy. But I will have to do it when the time comes. I think I would say something like "my feelings are not really there no more" because saying "I would like to live life and meet other girls" sounds so mean. Well, that's a problem for the future.

    My situation right now is getting better. I have had sex 4 days in a row. O'ed twice yesterday so I'm not horny at all today. Still can't sustain an erection for long before sex, need stimulation. I don't know if I would be able to put on a condom without losing the erection.

    Haven't been to the gym for 7 days now, still have a headache, tomorrow I will go there anyway. A week of no gym is enough! I have not done kegels or taken cold showers for a week either, will do it again tomorrow. I have decided to stay in the city for the weekend and go to the party with my class. Probably won't drink too much, take it a bit easy.
  8. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Went to the gym yesterday, had no energy and a headache after working out. It's weird, I hope it will pass soon. The party last night was fun, beerpong and a lot of friends! Today I am a bit hungover and the headache is still there so I didn't work out today, hope I can do it tomorrow.

    I'm staying at home tonight, resting. My girl is away for the weekend and comes back on monday.
  9. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    I am still very sick, runny nose, sneezing and headaches. Almost two weeks now, can't work out and I have no energy for schoolwork etc. I feel dizzy from time to time. Starting to suspect pollen allergy, I went to the drug store today and they recommended me to try antihistamin, took one pill today but no effect yet. We will se how I feel tomorrow. Desperately want to get rid of this cold/allergy or whatever it is.

    My gf came home yesterday. It was good to see her again, although she seems to miss me more than I miss her. She said this. Well I am so sick so it is difficult to get excited for everything right now, feel like a zombie. We could have sex which was good. I lost the erection when we changed position though, she had to work it up for some time. Hmm.

    Tomorrow I have an interview for a job, we will see how it goes, I am not sure if I have the perfect requirements for the job but at least I am trying.
  10. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Headache and runny nose still, probably not allergies since the pills did not work. I won't work out, feel like I have mild fever everyday. This is not something I have experienced before for two long weeks. When I have a cold I usually get better within a week.

    Yesterday I went to my gf's place. I was pretty happy during the day but in the evening she told me that she had hung out with her best friend and a dude during the weekend at home. I recognized this dude from her facebook chats, a former fuckbuddy of her's. I also know who he is from before, we come from the same area. I was shocked when she mentioned his name (he is a player and a douchebag) and she noticed this. Eventually, I asked her if she had been with this guy before, and she admitted. I was grossed out, couldn't help it. She said that they had sex at her summer house and that she was in love with this dude a few years ago. I knew this already (they banged in the lake) but when she told me everything became so real. She apparently also was good friends with another douchebag I know and hate from before. At least she is telling the truth, she seems to be very honest. She does not suspect that I have checked her facebook or anyting, I am pretty smooth I think.

    Well she understood my feeling about that, she also admitted that he is a player. She started crying and didn't want me to be grossed out by her. She said that she has been "young and dumb", i.e. tried a lot of guys. Well I am grossed out by the fact that she has had a lot of guys that I know are douchebags. That she still hangs out with a few of them makes me even more grossed out. I did not want to judge her too much so I tried playing it cool and said that I had questioned my feelings for her for a couple of weeks (that's why I did not follow her home, I wanted a short break from her to think). This is my way of hinting to her that I might break up soon. She started crying and said the she had been faithful and only wanted me. I was still battling feelings of disgust inside but I tried on my pokerface and said that I like her, I am just a bit unsure about our future together. At least, we had make up sex after.

    I have learned a few things for the future:
    1. Never ask your partner about their sexual past, nothing good comes out of it.
    2. Never check your partners facebook (or other private media), you could become jealous, disgusted or discover other unpleasant things.

    I am now more sure than ever that I can not be with this girl forever. I have always known that I want to be with more girls. All the details I know about this girl makes it impossible to be with her too. Her summer house is a place I could never enjoy (I would only picture her and this douchebag banging in the lake). Rome, where she spent a year before and truly loves, is a place I would never enjoy in her company, cuz I know the place where she has had "public sex" with another guy. She always talks about going there with me, well fuck no..

    This is my own fault, there was no point in digging in her past. However, I think I will break up this week, can't take this no more. I mean I am starting to feel kinda bad for using her to rewire right now, and I haven't enjoyed her company as much the past weeks either. It feels like the end of the road is coming closer...
    At least I am pretty confident that I can have sex now, if it is not working out with new girls, then I will have to try Viagra again for some time to boost my confidence again. Now it is my turn to be "young and dumb" haha..
  11. Dicer

    Dicer Member

    Probably one of the most important things you can take away for the future.

    It must be really hard, when you know how your girl got fucked by so many guys, especially if you know them and when you read those chats and she later tells you about them it gets even worse. I would also be mad if my gf would meet up with some douchebag who fucked her in a lake at her summer house in the past. Maybe its the right choice to break up, because in your last posts you always had some problems with her or felt bad when you talked about her.

    One thing I want to say, if you have the option for sex with another girl at the moment, I would try to push that situation forward (don't cheat on your gf) but you should have an alternative ready after the breakup, because after the breakup it will get more difficult to get new girls, when you are still in a relationship most of the times its a lot easier to get other girls.

    And sorry if my english is not the best today but its late and I am a bit tired. Also I hope you recover soon from that cold.
  12. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Thanks for replying dude! Yea I don't see a future for this relationship anymore.

    I have one girl who might be interested in seeing me. Will contact her soon. Yes, I have learned a lot. But this is my first long-term relationship so I guess it's very common that the first relationship you have is not the last.
    Anyway I will have to try and be optimistic and I hope that my future will be better.
  13. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    I am now officially single. It was the best choice. There was no love left for this girl and there was no way that this was my "dreamgirl". So now I am free. I feel kind of bad because I just broke up with her an hour ago, hope it will pass with time. I told her that my feelings for her had vanished since a few weeks and that I did not see a future with her. She was devastated but that's life I suppose. We were not right for each other. I could not prolong my time with her either and she had been sad since yesterday because I had "hinted about this".

    Life goes on.
  14. Dicer

    Dicer Member

    It was the right choice, don't be too hard to yourself. It will get better with time and its better now than waiting any longer. ;)
  15. hopeforchange

    hopeforchange Member

    Hi, I've been following your journal for a while now because your story is just so similar: always been quite good with girls, but had PIED since I can remember, started really young and escalated to some fucked up porn. Because of the many failed experiences I just stopped trying with girls while trying to beat this addiction. But I often still kiss girls when I go out, just don't take them home... (Also stopped seeing some girls I liked and who really liked me because of PIED. I really hurt them that way because they had no idea why I did that). And of course none of my friends know about my PIED... The main difference between us of course is that you've already beaten your addiction !

    I have some questions for you and I hope you can find the time to answer them. Like if you would have to do it all over again from the beginning.

    - Would you wait until you have rebooted before you try to get with a girl? and how long? the recommended 90 days?
    - Would you use Viagra again? and did you just tell your doctor about PIED and you got it that way?
    - What would you tell a random girl you hooked up with but with who you can't get it up? just say like "don't know why it doesn't work" and act like it's no big deal and eat her out so she gets hers or...?
    - I read in your journal that telling your (former) girlfriend the truth about your PIED was the best thing to do. How soon would you tell a girl (that could possibly become your girlfriend) about this?

    To be honest I am kinda scared my friends will find out. I"m sure they would support me but I would still be labeled the guy who can't get it up and that can't be good for my social life.

    Sorry for the lengthy post and the many questions! You can of course take your time to answer them, but I do think a lot of people would benefit from your insight.
  16. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Hey man! I see, nice of you to stop by.

    If I would do this all over again I would.
    1. I would have rebooted on my own for about 90-120 days. I am convinced that most people need to abstain from PMO for a while to get rid of the worst flatline-symptoms. My dick was cold, shriveled and nothing could get it up in the beginning so there was no point in chasing girls before the worst symptoms disappeared. I think some key signs to look for are when morning wood comes back, when the dick returns to normal size in its flaccid state. If these signs are visible then it is time to look for a partner to rewire with, or just trying to be with a girl.

    2. Yes, I would use Viagra again. It helped me overcome my performance anxiety to some extent and my confidence got better. For me it was a good solution because I noticed that I actually could have sex. I don't recommend taking Viagra for more than half a year though... I experienced headaches, blushed cheeks, blocked nose as side effects, these effects are very common so I had to use nasal spray to breathe properly = not good in the long run. Viagra also did not always work for me, stimulation is needed for it to work.
    When I was at the doctors, telling him about my PIED, I had Kamagra (generic Viagra) at home already, he didn't need to prescribe me ED-pills. I have heard that many doctors are willing to prescribe Viagra for performance anxiety but it is very, very expensive. It is a lot cheaper to buy it on the internet, which I did. Of course it is risky, but I read reviews about famous websites and chose one that seemed very reliable. I got good pills for a good price and do not regret it.

    3. If we are drunk, I would of course blame the alchohol. If not, then I would simply say that I have had some ED problems in the past and that I have some performance anxiety. Most girls are very understanding. No one has blamed me for having ED. If I continue meeting the girl and my problems don't go away I would say that I don't know the reason and that I will book an appointment with the doctor (during that time, try Viagra).

    4. Hmm, I would wait maybe 3 months. First tell the story about the doctors appointment and previous ED-problems etc. If the girl seems to be trustworthy then it's better to tell her about PIED, show her yourbrainonporn and the information. It is better to have that explanation, it is also crucial to tell her that she is beautiful and that she is not the cause of your problems.

    I was also scared shitless about my friends finding out about my problems. I only told my best friend and my former girlfriend about this. They are both people I trust 100%.
  17. hopeforchange

    hopeforchange Member

    thanks alot! Now I have a gameplan for when I'm done rebooting. This is what I really missed before, tried to have sex again at like almost 2 months into my reboot(which wasn't enough)and failed again which got me so down I relapsed for weeks. But I think it will be different now. I just have to accept that it will take time and a lot of rewiring but everything is possible!

    and I wish you a lot of fun now you are single again ;D !
  18. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    No worries, you will make it in time! Thanks :)

    Yesterday was pretty tough, I felt more lonely than ever and had loads of time over. Me and a few friends were studying at school in the day and in the evening I met up with an old friend of mine (he is one of my best friends but we don't meet up often). He brought me chinese food and a couple of beers and we talked about life. He is a ladiesman so I think I will spend more time with him to learn some stuff and probably go clubbing more. Anyway, he was tired so he stayed at home while I met up with two classmates. We went to a pub and had a chat. We later entered a club but it was like empty so we went to another pub instead. I did not drink in the pubs, I don't want to be sick again. Feel a bit better now, the headaches are almost gone.

    I think it is important for me to activate myself now, I don't want to sit at home alone and think too much. Even if I was the one to break up, it is a strange feeling letting go of someone who you spent your time with.
    A friend just texted me and wanted me to join for football today, I might go there to watch, still don't feel like running around with a slight headache. Maybe will try the gym tonight, just light weight.
  19. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Short update. I went to the gym today, feels good to work out again, did not have much energy though.
    The headache has disappeared now and I feel better.

    I just came home from a club. I was there alone because my friends were too tired to join. My intention with the night was to approach girls and get more comfortable with rejection. When I arrived at the club it was almost empty so I had to do some "cold approaches". The girls were standing in groups so it was pretty difficult to engage them all when you are alone. I prefer to have a wingman. Well I wasn't really in party-mood and sober but I forced myself to approach and had some interesting talks with a few girls. All of them in groups though. I only spent 1,5 hours at the club and went home early. I had approached most girls at that time anyway. If I had stayed until late I could have had better chance to hook up, but I was tired and most people were there in large groups so sometimes I felt kind of left out.

    The upside was that I danced with a few girls I talked to in the middle of the club and I felt like king of the dancefloor for some time. More girls danced closer and noticed my confident behaviour. The less I gave a fuck about what people thought of me, the more IOI's I got. One of the girls seemed pretty interested but it's tough when you are completely alone and there are two girls there together. Well, I learned not to care about rejections but I think that the dancefloor was most fun. I did not feel horny or anything so my advances might have come off as little weak, like my thoughts and actions were not aligned.

    Next weekend I will go out with my friends, think it will be more fun!

    Some stuff I noticed that I need until next time:
    -Openers, I just made shit up which wasn't that good.
    -Be more sexual, or at least have clear intent with what I am doing (chatting, flirting or whatever)

    It was like a year ago I approached girls in a club last time with the intent of getting some, so... I have some stuff to work on! =)

    This is a video from Tyler Durden (Pua) that I like:
  20. Dicer

    Dicer Member

    I think you made good progress. If you don't approach very often it is really hard to get back in the game and beat that fucking AA in the beginning. If you are able to approach groups of girls you are already better than probably 90% of the male population. ;)

    When you are in a similar situation next time, try to separate your girl from the group, so you don't have to entertain everybody and it gets a lot easier to close or to pull.

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