Very hungover today. I PMO'd in total 7 times, from morning (woke up drunk) and to the evening. Chaser effect, binging, junk food. It has been a really bad day. Last month I PMO'd only twice and now this month I am up to 7 because of today. Well, nothing more to do than to try harder. I know the risk of me relapsing while hungover is like 50/50 so I just have to make sure not to get hangover. I am a party guy but I just should not drink excessively. Aiming to get to the gym later but I have no energy, let's see if I can make it.
PMO'd four times the next day. Did not get to the gym this weekend so 3 times workout this week. Repeating my goals from now on: *No P, nofap. *Better my fitness: Average 5 days gym/week. 1 time cardio every second week. *Perform better at work: Be more focused but also more social at work and strive to learn more. *Make new friends: be open and take initiative in making new friends. *Date to find girl/s I enjoy being around.
Darn it! One day of feeling sluggish and working from home let to one PMO relapse today. Was just out of energy and had no motivation the whole day even before relapsing. I think I will get right back to my streak now and avoid binging. During the weekend I did not drink too much and was not hungover so I cannot blame that.
Yesterday I PMO'd once. No real reason to do that, I was just too tired, I looked on a site and then it escalatated. I think I need to be find a new plan of being 100 % strict with no peeking and avoiding triggers and definitely not search for instagram bikini models or any type of soft material since that will only escalate. I have not slept too much this week, spent two nights in a row with the girl I am dating. Had some sluggish EQ first night but still worked out fine, luckily I am good at pleasing her in other ways too.. The other night she arrived to my place late so we just slept before work. On another note, I have really found motivation for gym again, I have a goal of completing 5 days average of gym per week. I have checked my stats for the past 4 years and I had an average of 4 days/week in the gym, which is not bad, but I want to up it 1 more day.
PMO'd once again. Could not sleep and had the Sunday blues, not ready or motivated for a new work week. Tried without P blocker this week but have tried searching for triggering content too often. Will try another P blocker and set a 1 week goal, If I success no P and nofap I can give myself a present.
PMO'd thrice more the morning after. Damn, I am in a bad place again. I installed a P blocker on my phone but eventually I looked on the laptop instead. Will install there too, this is bad..
I have had a good period for a while and been intimate on a regular basis with the girl I dated. However, last night I ended that, I did not feel like we were meant to be in the long run. Also she smokes, which is a major turn off for me and after having that discussion a few times she did not want to try to stop so it was a dealbreaker. We had about 5 months together filled with fun but also a few arguments, it could not last forever. She had feelings for me but did not love me and maybe I had some feelings but I am not sure - I was definitely not in love and I have trouble feeling strong feelings. Today has been tough, I have been a bit sad and lonely and watched a feelgood movie and went for a walk. Will go to the gym in the evening and hopefully that will clear my head. Some positive things for the last period: I could perform maybe once a week without pills (a few times a week I used pills) and sometimes it was better than expected. Contribute this to no P/nofap. Will continue to work on myself in areas of no P, work, gym, making more friends etc and also go on dates again to find someone meant for me.
Since last post: That girl, we dated for some more weeks and had a good period but then ended it officially a week ago. It was for the best for both of us in the long run, I don't think we were meant for each other. No hard feelings though which is good. Was a bit sad again of course for a few days but have accepted things and have had good support from two of my best friends which is nice. I have met up with a new girl this week one evening, was the first new girl I had sex with for like 6 months I think. On Sunday I have a date with another girl. It is good for me to be active, see what is out there. Gym has been so so because of some ache in my right shoulder the past month, I am doing lightweights and focusing on the right technique. Can really feel the pump so that is a positive sign. Doing well in legs and focusing on increasing weights in deadlifts in the meantime, and on grip strength. Have been quite social and trying to put 100 % of my energy towards friends when I hang out with them, had good vibes lately. I am doing the right things, nofap 90 days tomorrow and I can be proud of myself, doing what is best for me and being kind to myself is a winning concept. I feel more social, lively and have also been able to have sex without pills the past 2 months or so, as long as I have 2-3 days in between O it usually works OK even though erection quality varies a lot. Onwards and upwards!
Another month has passed. Have had a fun time for the most part, meeting a few new girls and also friends from abroad. Tinder is going both good and bad, gain some new matches but lately bad response rate. Had morning wood two days in March, this is progress for me, signs that there is life haha.. Libido is very low 4-5 days after I have O'd with a girl. Recovering some from the shoulder pain in gym, trying to slowly increase weights now, even though I go very light. Had some very bad luck for some reason and my right knee started hurting at the beginning of this week. I have gone very light weights so I think I just had bad luck and will have to do longer warmup, (usually do 4-5 min cycling but did not do that now). Have also been sick and it was tough to get back into the gym so overall a very bad month in the gym but for the most part it was out of my control. Soon 4 months nofap now! Doing what I can.
