Thanks for replying. Yes I will continue my journey, not letting the MO's drag me down. Yes that is a good goal! The sex was very good, I often have trouble getting started and I need ED pills at this stage to be able to fully perform. I use 25 mg Kamagra (it's generic sildenafil, normal dose is 50 mg so it is not very much). The past 70 days I must have met at least 4 new girls and probably now had sex 6 or 7 times.
70 days no P -> 0 days. The chaser effect was so strong today, nofap 70 days is still good but I have to learn from this that the chaser is way to aggressive so I must do all in my power not to M since there is high probability I will do it again. At the end of the evening (after 3 MO) I watched P and so I did 1 PMO to end this day, not good but it was over quick. To see things on the positive side is that I have had over 2 months clean and 1 PMO in 70 days is much lower frequency than historically. I will continue working on myself since I have a positive trend lately and try to get to 180 days no P or M.
The days since the relapse I have truly felt some nasty effects: *Tired, out of energy. I had to drink 2 energy drinks today just to complete an urgent task at work. *Inability to focus on work, ridiculous brain fog *Cravings to O even though I am not really horny At least I am still going to the gym. Today marked the third day since relapse and urges was crazy, tried my best to just stand up and walk away and do something else but the craving was back several times. I ended up MO'ing once, no P. I don't want to fall back into a relapse cycle again, I will rest this weekend and not meet up with friends too much, I am feeling quite dizzy and just so tired. I better relax, have not had a single weekend this summer where I have some time for myself and when I just take it easy.
Hey I just found your blog and noticed a lot of similarities. It appreciate the fact that you've been around for a while and continue fighting. This one about sometimes having horniness with a hangover struck me. I can say that for some reason the few times I felt like I had a normal strong libido was when I was hungover which is kind of weird. I will read as much of you stuff as I can, but quick question: Are there any medications you took in the past or any other factors you can think of that could be causing the ED?
Yea I have also noticed that I only feel normal libido when hungover, but I must say that I can also feel it like after a month no O or a longer period without P. If I then O my libido is usually non existing for a couple of weeks. The severity of the flatline depends on how long no P streak I have. I must say that I strongly believe I have PIED. I know it has been getter gradually better after long periods no P, even though I have never managed so long as to be fully healed. I believe I need more than a year to be somewhat okey. I have taken finasteride for my hairloss for 5 years now and that can hinder libido, I still have a nearly full head of hair but when I stop using that I lose hair rapidly so I want to be on it. My PIED problems was the same before I took that medication.
It's has been a beautiful sunny summer weekend and I have mostly kept to myself, said no to a party since I was just so tired of partying and needed some time for myself. Because of the nice weather I wanted to go swimming and checked with 4 friends, 2 of them couldn't and the others did not reply, it was a group chat so I guess they had plans. Still I know I need more friends since I don't think it's truly friendship if you just don't reply.. One good thing I did this weekend was to go to the gym and also went running two times, I usually average 1 run per year so this was great for me. I ended up going swimming with a date I met with a couple of weeks back and it was nice, she is a social and funny girl, she is much younger than me though. Listing 5 goals for me in life that I want to aspire to. Something to look at in the morning and evening and reflect on what I did to pursue these goals. *Better my fitness: Average 5 days gym/week. 1 time cardio per week. *Perform better at work: Be more focused but also more social at work and strive to learn more. *Make new friends: be open and take initiative in making new friends. *Date to find girl/s I enjoy being around. *No P and nofap.
Having been working on similar goals in the past, I would recommend being more quantitative with your progress in the gym. For example, if you're a runner, decreasing your 1 mile time. If your into pull-ups, setting a goal for that. If you do weights, there are obviously progressive routines out there for that. The reason I mention this is because for a long time, I did exercise multiple times a week - hard, but I was really just exercising and (not training), so I wasn't see any improvement in either my looks or abilities. Just a thought.
End of week status: Overall okey! *Better my fitness: Average 5 days gym/week. 1 time cardio per week. -Fail. Worked out three times, as much as I could before my trip abroad. So will catch up this week. *Perform better at work: Be more focused but also more social at work and strive to learn more. -Check, I did what I could here and was social. *Make new friends: be open and take initiative in making new friends. -Check, I was open and talked to many new people during my trip. *Date to find girl/s I enjoy being around. -Check, went on a third date with a girl and we ended up having a very good time. *No P and nofap. -Check. Close to relapsing today though, have to stay vigilant. Saw a trigger on Tinder, I have been exhausted all day. Still in the game though, visualizing the end goal. Real life girls much better than pixels on a screen or self service.
End of week status: Good job! *Better my fitness: Average 5 days gym/week. 1 time cardio per week. -Check. Worked out 5, will maybe do 6th day of gym today Sunday. Did not do cardio though but planned for tomorrow. *Perform better at work: Be more focused but also more social at work and strive to learn more. --Check, I got a lot of things done. Also organized a lunch for colleagues which was very fun, one of the best lunches with colleagues ever! *Make new friends: be open and take initiative in making new friends. -Check, I did what I could here, talked to a friend's friend at a party. Partied both Friday and Saturday with friends. *Date to find girl/s I enjoy being around. -Check, went on a second date with a girl I met in a bar with a friend. Nothing happened at the time but now we had good sex (I used a pill as usual but it is progress anyway). *No P and nofap -Check. Near relapsing both days this weekend though, peeked on some triggering stuff but it was not a full relapse. It is the hangover horniness and reduced willpower that gets to me. Trying not to drink as much when partying.
Had some progress yesterday, did not use ED pills and still achieved an okey erection for intercourse. Was even better than I expected. Going in the right direction.
End of week status: Below expectation. *Better my fitness: Average 5 days gym/week. 1 time cardio per week. -Fail. Worked out 3, did not do cardio. I prioritized partying and hanging out with a girl = hungover and lack of sleep and did not do my 5 days. *Perform better at work: Be more focused but also more social at work and strive to learn more. --Check, I did well here. *Make new friends: be open and take initiative in making new friends. -Check, I partied with friends and planned a thing for next week with colleagues. *Date to find girl/s I enjoy being around. -Check, dated with this girl I have met for a month. *No P and nofap -Fail. MO'd six times on Sunday. Had partied two nights in a row and I guess I drank a bit too much in order to feel in control the next day. Will not think about this too much, P is the true devil and not MO. I have a history of not being able to manage the limits I set for myself when it comes to alcohol. If I say I should drink max 3 beer I end up drinking 7 or 8 etc and I have to pay the price the next day. I will try the nonalcoholic beer option more next time. I always relapse when hungover and I have come to the conclusion many times that I need to avoid the hangover. So I really must start drinking less than a normal party person would. I could mix one strong beer and then a nonalcoholic beer, so like max 4 strong beer. Being hungover today really messed up my day. I MO'd 7 times. I did not wash my clothes, I did not go to the gym and I did not do any work over the weekend.
End of week status: OK. *Better my fitness: Average 5 days gym/week. 1 time cardio per week. -OK. Worked out 5 days in the gym. I did not do cardio and I don't value it as much as gym, but I have to try a bit harder with that. *Perform better at work: Be more focused but also more social at work and strive to learn more. --Check, I did well here. I have a high workload in September and had to work some during the weekend. *Make new friends: be open and take initiative in making new friends. -Check, I gathered some friends and colleagues and we met up after work and it was really fun, positive vibes! *Date to find girl/s I enjoy being around. -Check, dated with this girl I have met for a month. *No P and nofap -Fail. MO'd five times on Saturday. I did not drink any alcohol this week because I had to start using a medicine but for some reason I MO'd excessively on Saturday. Not happy with that. Keep trucking on..
39 days no P -> 0 days no P. On Monday I MO'd 3 times and then yesterday on Thursday I MO'd three times and PMO'd twice. It has been a tough week at work and I have caught a cold. When in a relapse cycle I tend to just disregard my long term goals. I will have a weekend for myself so I get well and still aim to work out minimum 4 days this week, hopefully 5.
I PMO'd once and MO'd once again last night. I am starting to feel somewhat better, my cold only lasts like for three days then it is manageable. Today I will set up some goals so I get back on track. * Go grocery shopping, my fridge empty. * Try some gym
End of week status: FAIL. *Better my fitness: Average 5 days gym/week. 1 time cardio per week. -I was sick but managed to work out 4 days in the gym (no cardio). Did okey given the circumstances. *Perform better at work: Be more focused but also more social at work and strive to learn more. -Nothing to complain about here. A lot to do but did fine. *Make new friends: be open and take initiative in making new friends. -Okey, only was in the office 1 day, worked from home because of my cold. *Date to find girl/s I enjoy being around. -Check, one more date with the girl I have been seeing. *No P and nofap -Fail. Today I PMO'd 4 times.. Week in total: 7 MO and 7 PMO. Really bad and disappointing. I have been somewhat depressed all day because of this relapse. Trying to get back on track now again, have to generate some willpower again.
This month has been pretty good. I am back in the gym and have hit 5 days/week for three weeks in a row. I am doing well at work and I have taken some initiative in making things happen with colleagues and friends. Also still dating the one girl and was also abroad with her on a trip, let's see what the future holds, taking one day at a time. I MO'd once today for the first time in almost a month. No P though but I have to be careful now. Overall I have PMO'd twice this month (both in beginning of month) so doing okey compared to last month when I PMO'd in total 15 times. I feel like I have had some progress, can have sex sometimes without the use of pills (no condom though but have only been with one girl the past period). It is very hit or miss though, sometimes I cannot achieve a good enough erection.. Setting a new goal of going no fap whole of November. I have been more energetic and happy in general so it makes a difference!
