End Game

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by TrueDat, Nov 23, 2014.

  1. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    PMO'd thrice.
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2022
  2. Hey man, sorry to learn about your recent relapses. Hope you can get back on the horse soon.

    I know you have been active on the forum for a while, and that you managed to stay clean for long periods. In a sense, we could say you have a long history with rebooting. What's your perspective on rebooting nowadays? When we're newcomers and just learned about porn addiction, PIED and recovery, we're usually excited about the process and very motivated, but as the years go by, we may somehow change our perceptions on it. It could be because rebooting didn't bring the results we expected, or because we can't manage to stay clean. What are your views on that? Do you still see rebooting and recovery like you did a few years ago?
  3. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Thank you! I guess I have tried for so many years but never stayed clean for long enough to fully heal. I have seen improvements after many months of abstaining, think I even went over a year one time without P and I felt better but never fully okey.
    My last year has been tough though, I have been working a lot, on the edge of a burnout you could say and have a bad period behind me where I can't seem to break free from constant relapses. I am not as optimistic and see no cure for my other minor health issues (not in any way related to this).

    I still believe that no PMO for a couple of years would mean I am in a much better place and not suffer from constant PIED. However, I think it that I have basically tried that once and while my erection quality got better over time it was never great, also my refractory period still could be up to a week. But these minor improvements tell me that this is the solution to a better life and what I should pursue.

    As for now I have accepted that I have low libido, I am struggling with a low self esteem and have not had any motivation to go on a date for I think a year now. I guess I am in an all time low but at least I am doing quite well in the gym again and even though work is hard I have received good feedback from coworkers and I still like my line of work, maybe not so much the workload.

    As of now I am 4 days free from M and 2 days free from P. Trying to get to a week now as a first goal.
    Hope you are well, would be interesting to hear your take on rebooting nowadays.
  4. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Relapsed. PMO twice today. Still a bit drunk, have partied two nights in a row, has been a lot of fun but I guess it is a risky behaviour from a NoFap standpoint. I will not beat myself up too much now, I have left the bed so I cannot watch more. I had planned to meet an old fwb later tonight but will have to cancel that since I am now in no mood.
    Wondering whether I should take a month without drinking but there will be a lot of parties coming up and being sober is not the same. I did not drink too much both these nights but if it leads to a relapse it might not be worth it.
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2022
  5. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    First work day after Easter. So exhausted. I worked from home, later PMO'd thrice. I don't know why my motivation is so low.
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2022
  6. Hey TrueDat,
    Thanks for your reply, it was honest and insightful. I also have to say that I admire how you're able to put your pride aside and to report that you're relapsing every once in a while. Personally, each time I was very embarrassed to write I had relapsed on this forum.

    I see what you mean about low libido and low self-esteem, but what happens when you have a good streak? When you've got 100 days of abstinence under your belt, do you feel healthier and more interested in women and sex? And do you feel like your libido shuts down when you relapse many times in a few days? I've been through this recently, and it has helped me a lot to find a renewed motivation to stay away from porn. Since I have a girlfriend, I can't really afford going back to full blown ED; and I gotta say that even if I haven't fully recovered yet, there's a big difference between those two states – me after a prolonged period away from porn vs me when I'm stuck in the relapse cycle. That is enough for me to keep me going – even if on certain days, I feel like cursing my fate because I'm indeed not fully recovered and don't know if I ever will be one day...

    I wanted to ask you, where does your image (avatar) comes from? Looks familiar, but I can't seem to put my finger on it.

    Keep it up, man. We're young, we have many years ahead of us. We still have many potentialities that are just waiting to be developed.
  7. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    I PMO'd once this morning. Monday and super tired. I have found myself going back to videogames again, WoW this time and I feel I cannot really control it. I remember having the same issue when trying the game 10 years ago. I have now played nearly 72 hours the past 11 days, an average of more than 6,5 hours each day. I played a lot over Easter holiday but now I am cutting back on sleep to 6 hours a night instead of the eight I really need.

    I have also partied a lot lately, sometimes twice per weekend. Videogames and alcohol affect me a lot and also my NoFap journey. This year so far has been a low for me, I have not had the same motivation to keep myself on track so I have let myself go in many areas. However, I am doing okey in the gym but I am not at all consistent, some weeks I work out 5 times and other just 3.

    What do I want out of doing NoFap?
    * I want to gain more motivation, mental clarity and drive.
    * I want to be the best man i can be
    * I want to become more happy and outgoing
    * I want to be more consistent with workouts
    * I want to stop procrastinating and perform better at work
    * I want to be able to be with women (have PIED)
    * I want to gain more self confidence

    Listing my triggers (will have to avoid these as best I can):
    *Being hungover (willpower next to nothing and sometimes horniness)
    *Lying in bed
    *Mindless browsing on instagram or Tinder
    *Procrastinating about a task that needs completing when I am not up for it
    *Feeling depressed

    I have to take drastic action and set up a framework if I am to succeed.
    - No more than 2 hours of videogames per day (if I were to fail this one day I have to cut it out completely immediately)
    - The next two weeks, no more than 2 beer per party. This is the limit! I cannot drink more since since there will be a risk of continous drinking and a bad hungover where I always relapse and binge.
    - Gym 5 days per week. There will be weeks where I will be traveling etc so I need to utilize the few remaining months before summer so I can gain some muscle at least before summer.
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2022
    Krebs likes this.
  8. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Thanks Bilbo, I am a bit embarrased about writing about relapses on the forum but I do it for myself to keep myself accountable.
    I feel much better when I have longer periods of abstaining, when I have had 100+ streaks I am more happy, confident and also feel libido sometimes so there is definitely drastic change in mood compared to me being stuck in a relapse cycle like I am right now. I feel I have to be more serious about rebooting again or I will be an old, fat, alcohol-abusing gamer with ED and no motivation for anything and no hopes for starting a family haha!

    The Avatar comes from Red Dead Redemption 2, the main character Arthur, I have never played it but watched a lot on Youtube.

    Thanks for replying, I will do my best do make my life better, hope you are doing well!
    Bilbo Swaggins likes this.
  9. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    So the past week I did okey. Did not exceed my 2 beer limit during the weekend, was good to be sober.
    I did not fulfil my goal of 5 workouts but I did 4. Aiming for 5 this week instead. I had intense cravings today for P, it was a struggle the entire day. PMO'd once because I could not fall asleep, managed 1 week no PMO.

    Feel genuinely dissapointed that I PMO'd. I want to live up to NoFap during the summer time. Still, I am feeling a bit more optimistic, just have to break free and get a good streak going again.
    Bilbo Swaggins likes this.
  10. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    I was exhausted today, no energy at all. I did not get to the gym and I browsed Instagram models, MO'3 times and later PMO'd once.
    Very disappointing. I don't know what the hell I am doing. In a sleepy zombie state and my willpower is still too low.

    I still have a chance to meet my goal of 5 workouts this week. Goal for tomorrow:
    * wake up 6 am, go to the gym before work.
    * after work, don't drink more than two beer so I stay sober.
  11. Ivan

    Ivan New Member

    Bro. stop drink! alcohol doesnt make you more happy or fun. Its increase your actually mood. u feel me? If u r sad u will feel vary bad after. if u r happy u will be on the sky after. So maybe alcohol is your problem. Think about it. Hope u will better soon. Stay strong. PS Sry for my english i'm not a native speaker
  12. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Yea alcohol is something that nearly always leads me to relapse the day after. I have to be more careful with it.
    Last Friday we had the news that another colleague at work will leave and we have somewhat of a crisis in our team at the moment, severerly understaffed and I am always so exhausted nowadays after having worked to much the past year. I felt so hopeless that I just let loose with my friends in the evening and we drank a lot, had fun but of course I PMO'd a lot the day after (5 times). Managed one day clean after that just to PMO 5 times again on Monday.

    I have to take it easy with alcohol again. Thing is though that I have party trips planned with my friends this summer but I think that will be fine actually since I never PMO when on trips of course.

    I think I should set some healthy goals again, 5 times gym this week, max 3 beer alcohol per poarty night let's say (ideally no party nights at all this week). For the next week I might try get a date. I have not put any effort in going on dates the past year either, could be good for me to spend some time with actual females and not pixels on the screen. I have truly lost my way in many areas of my life. I think I need a vacation, less alcohol, more healthy food and interactions with real girls.
    Bilbo Swaggins likes this.
  13. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Some positives from this week:
    Travelled to my hometown for 5 days, spent a lot of time with family and relatives. Has been great! Fun to meet everyone and also the break I needed.

    Reached my goal of 5 gym workouts this week for the first time in two months!
    Have realized that my time is limited now if I want to gain some type of strength and fitness before the beach season. My April and May was not good, averaged 3 workouts per week, two below my goal.

    Another thing I did well was to plan my friends bachelor party next weekend, it's gonna be super fun!

    The recent 2 months I bought a subscription to WoW and played a lot, it was just a way of escaping my miserable and stressful life but truth be told, the game is just another full time job, it never ends and it is also too addicting for me. Has not played for a week and it's good since it is such a time waster.

    Goals for next week.
    No PMO
    5 days gym
    Cook own food a lot, not buy restaurant food every day
    Not work unpaid overtime
    Have a lot of fun on the bachelor party!

    I still have not had lust to try out dating, I will need to build a nofap streak before motivation for that kicks in again. But it's summer so my feel good levels will come back!
    Bilbo Swaggins likes this.
  14. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Was just a tiring day at work, too much to do. Constant reminders of work that I have no time for.
    I took a break since I am working from home, rested on the bed. Ended up PMO'ing 6 times to old sexy pics of girls I met before.

    Very tired today, at least I made some homecooked food and aiming to work out later.
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2022
  15. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    June has been a quite good month. I have tried my best to abstain, and my mood has been bit better in general.
    I still struggle with checking out models on Instagram or triggers from tinder.
    I had intercourse with an old fwb once, it was months since the last time for me, Kamagra helped as usual.

    Also recognize a drive to set up a date, and my interest for real life girls is coming back gradually.
    It can only get better, these signs tell me nofap is the way for me.
    Bilbo Swaggins likes this.
  16. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    I had my first date this year. A 19 year old came over for some movie night, it was nice. We ended up in the bed and Kamagra helped. I had no reaction in the beginning so I would not work without pills sadly. Anyway, This was a step forward for me, hoping I am on my way out of the social awkwardness I have felt when I was always relapsing.

    Also had a great weekend with friends out in the countryside and I have many more trips planned this summer, will be very fun!
  17. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Had so much fun on my trip abroad with friends, seen many new places and never partied this much, like 1,5 weeks straight almost.

    A memory for life for sure.
    Have made some new friends and also hooked up with a gorgeous blonde girl with whom I shared a good connection.

    I was outgoing and happy most of the time and I attribute my good vibe to nofap.

    Still going and building some momentum. Back home now and want to get back to the gym to regain some lost ground.
    The 19 year old came back to my place and we had sex twice. The only thing is that my refractory period is like a week after sex so now it's gonna take a while.
    Hoping that I can quit my dependence on ED pills and that my refractory period will shorten if I keep this up for the rest of the year, but that might be too much to hope for. Let's see!
  18. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Unfortunately I caught a cold after my trip and have been sick for a week, not able to work out. I tried some light weights yesterday, considering I was in the gym for the first time in three weeks it was good just to get there but I was quite weak. Will try again today but I am also leaving for a second trip with at least a couple of days partying (hopefully a bit more chill than last time) so I won't be able to go to the gym. I guess it is the trade off when traveling a lot. I can however try some home exercises so I at least do something for my fitness.

    I also met up with a new girl, a beautiful blonde 25 year old or something and we had a really good time in bed. My drive for girls is back and it feels good, I also feel more social again.
    Bilbo Swaggins likes this.
  19. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Past couple of weeks has been hectic but very fun! I have spent a lot of time with friends. Also been on dates with three nice girls. I have a good energy again and all of them want to meet again, also had sex with two of them with the help of ED pills.

    Listing some positives:
    Feel good energy, more social and wanting to drive a conversation
    Self confidence coming back
    Cleaned my apartment
    Worked out 6 times last week (has probably not happened in a year, lightweights though since I have been away for some time).

    Today I have felt an urge to M though, I ended up MO'ing once for the first time in 70 days. Bit of a bummer that I did not make nofap 90 days but as long as I stay away from P I have fulfilled the primary goal. EDIT: I MO'd a second time an hour later, chaser effect I guess. Now enough is enough. Good news is that I could have an erection without P even though it was not the best. 2nd EDIT: MO'd a third time, ok chaser effect is strong, I take notice and now it's enough.. 3rd EDIT: PMO'd once.. it was quick but disappointed ofc. Time to sleep.

    Setting the renewed goal: nofap 90 days. I am determined not to MO again in quite some time and put that urge to being with a girl instead.
    Last edited: Aug 8, 2022
    Krebs and Reyaan Ali like this.
  20. Reyaan Ali

    Reyaan Ali Member

    Do not worry about those two MOs. The best thing is you are still on no porn streak. You can set a goal of 180 days of no porn and from this moment on no masturbation for 90 days. The good thing is you have had sex twice which is rewiring to the real thing.

    How was the sex though? if you don't mind me asking. How many times did you have sex in last 70 days?
    And what ED drugs did you use?

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