End Game

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by TrueDat, Nov 23, 2014.

  1. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    A reminder to myself that I really shouldn't MO because when I do I binge for many days and have trouble to get out of it.
    The following days after my last post: 2 MO, 5 MO, 6 MO, x (no binge), x, 2 MO. I really have to stop browsing Tinder first thing in the morning.
    Now been clean from M for 4 days so it is getting a bit easier now to abstain.

    I have a few challenges, injured in the gym for 4 weeks so have not worked out, just got back doing some light weight/rehab now and will prob take a month more or so before I can go 100%. Basically lost all my gains this year so that sucks but hopefully next year will be better.

    Also have been alone all weekend which has not been great.. I have too few friends and they are out of town. Went to the beach alone, have not done that in years but it was quite refreshing. Better than staying at home.

    I have also tried to set up a date for next week but I have no real success on Tinder anymore. We will see if I can fix something.

    My vision for myself is one free from P, a confident, outgoing, ambitious and fit man. I have a lot to work to be more outgoing. I just have to do the best with what I have. Maybe should try some new class, like martial arts beginning class or something this autumn so I have a change to make more friends.
     
  2. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Well I did nofap 1 week then last weekend I partied with a few friends, we started drinking early and it ended late in the night. We went all in and drank so much beer and drinks, we all knew there would be consequences the day after. And hell, it was a couple of years ago I was that hungover. I could almost not get out of bed and stayed in all day, my willpower was all gone and I ended up MO'ing 5 times, I was not at all horny after the second time and it was just plain bad.

    I have to set a limit to my alcohol intake now (no more than 4 beer per night) because I almost always relapse the day after. Feeling quite tired of partying as well and have to take a break, I am going home to see my parents and will spend a few days with them.

    I am getting back to the gym again and rehab is going better. But I am not consistent, my average 3 days/week now and I want to improve. However a lot of stuff coming up so will not be able to in the near week though with the trip.

    Other than that life is tough, I am quite lonely and not too much is going my way lately. My health sitution with my lips is not improving and the new specialist/dentist has no solution so I am destined to accept my health issues and live with it.
    Also babygirl sent an official "break up-text" last week, I have expected it the past 6 months so I was not so surprised but I was still a bit sad since we have known each other for years and had a lot of fun together.

    Tinder is not at all working for me anymore, I get almost no texts back and have not been able to set up a date. I am taking a 1 week break from that too and hoping that life in my hometown away from much social media and the like will fuel my energy again.
     
    Bilbo Swaggins likes this.
  3. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    The week in my hometown was amazing. Refreshing to meet my family/relatives and also an old friend. I basically did not check social media all week and I could feel my good vibes returning gradually.

    Also had the time to meet up with friends for party once back in the city. Everyone was in a partymood and I could not keep my alcohol limit, I drank around 5 beer and 4 drinks. Better than last time so my hungover wasn't terrible but still noticeable. I just have to be better next time to just drink a few beer, no drinks. I did not have any success at the club as usual (I have to get over my approach anxiety, only did like 2 approaches) so I texted a girl I have met with before and she came over and stayed the night. I could have sex 3 times with Kamagra and it was okey. Later in the day I MO'd 4 times. I think I could have abstained if I had not been drinking as much. The good thing is that I am not using P.

    My goals for next week is to keep to my alcohol limit of 4 beer if I will party one night but most importantly get back to the gym 5 days (my fitness has declined quite significantly over the past 2 months). I have not used cold showers in a long while again so I think I will start up with that too.
     
    Last edited: Aug 8, 2021
    Bilbo Swaggins likes this.
  4. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Was feeling quite irritated today, a woman from Tinder had added me on snapchat and she sent nudes and wanted to come over for sex. When she noticed my place was 30 minutes away she said it is a bit far and then completely ghosted me. Quite rude but that's the way many girls do, just leave you on read..

    I MO'd seven times out of pure resentment and of course I was a bit triggered from the pics.
    The good thing about today is that I went to the gym (it was really tough, almost depressing this time but I got through it). I also did my laundry so it was okey.
     
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2021
    -Luke- likes this.
  5. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    Jesus... Probably better not to get involved with someone like that. 30 minutes too far, what's wrong with this generation.
     
  6. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Yea she was a single mom but she must have found someone closer to home. It's tiring how big of an advantage girls have in dating, they get bombarded with messages from so many guys so they ghost probably most of them, it's only the top 20% of guys that get 80% of the girls. I also feel like there is a trend now that girls "hate on guys" on social media and they show no respect whatsoever, the younger generation is truly arrogant.
     
    Last edited: Aug 11, 2021
  7. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Relapse. 151 days no P -> 0 days.
    Depressing day, MO'd once and then progressed to two times PMO. It was not much edging and I must now avoid a binge. The damage is done but crucial that I don't go back to old patterns now to make more damage to my brain.

    Summer and my vacation is practically over, work starts tomorrow again and I am not in a good place mentally or physically right now. There are several factors leading up to this but I did not suspect I was going to relapse before it was too late. My willpower has been too low.

    I went to the gym today which was the good thing and I gained some energy after the cold shower. All else is pretty much shit right now and I struggle to get rid of this addiction, pathetic. Now it will be a struggle one day at a time until I regain some sort of mental clarity and willpower again.
     
  8. Bilbo Swaggins

    Bilbo Swaggins Well-Known Member

    Sorry about that, man. Rooting for you. Keep your head up.
     
    TrueDat likes this.
  9. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    So managed two days without P then one PMO relapse this morning. Stayed up way to late last night and then I procrastinated this morning before I got up to eat some breakfast. Just laying in bed surfing the web for many hours and eventually I PMO'd once, triggered by instagram pics and then escalation.

    My P blocker is now functional again and I am dissapointed in myself but it is important that I just continue to build on some positive energy. I actually had two really good days at work, was nice to talk to some colleagues again and I was productive. Also yesterday I took up a new hobby, let's see if I will like that.
    My aim is also to workout 5 days this week and I think I can make it. Just focusing on my health is a goal now since my last couple of months has been characterized by me being home, injured shoulder, not even motivated to go grocery shopping so I have spent loads of money on fast food (home delivery).

    One of the worst things about masturbating too much (which I have done recently) is that a lot of energy and drive is gone. No motivation to work out/talk to friends/set up a date. Very destructive behaviour for me.
    A few of my friends was out drinking some beer last night but they never told me, I think I have to get better to get in touch with them again. Recently my energy to initiate things has been low and that is due to lethargy. Right now it looks like I will be alone this weekend but that is okey for now, I don't have drive to initiate now so better that I focus on getting back to my old self with healthy habits.
     
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  10. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Had a good week, I will have more responsibilites and an expanded role at work so I expect there will be longer days. This is my time to show that I am serious about my work and that I want to excel in my career.

    Today I am hungover, partied yesterday with a couple of colleagues all evening and night, had a good afterparty too. Everyone was very drunk and I could not stick to my 4 beer rule, that kind of logical thinking tends to disappear when I am with these guys. They do love to party and we always have a blast when we go out. Think I drank about 10 beer, wine and a shot.

    The downside to this is that I always feel like a wreck the day after. Took me until 3 PM to get out of bed and I had PMO'3 times and MO'd 5 times. Insane, I am ruining my progress, I had 6 days clean before this setback.

    Now I have to be more serious about this. Implementing max 3 beer per party and be strict about it because my recent history show that I cannot control myself once I am hungover. I think the point of not return for me is 4 beer, after that I just keep on drinking as much as the others, I don't want to come closer to that. I know that I can keep to 3 beer if I just decide to do it, cannot let me slip anymore. Also there will be some occasions where there might be a couple of beer with my team at work etc and I am not feeling like I have to go strictly no alcohol.
     
    Bilbo Swaggins likes this.
  11. Bilbo Swaggins

    Bilbo Swaggins Well-Known Member

    Hey man, I’ve started drinking non-alcoholic drinks recently, there are good beers and good cocktails that are alcohol free. It’s a good way to stay at the party without feeling the fun is over for you. Actually, sometimes I even alternate between real beers and non-alcoholic beers right from the beginning of the evening, and that makes it last longer. If you follow your 4-beer rule and do that, that will give you a total of 8 drinks. You won’t be hangover the day after, and you don’t even have to tell your friends that you’re drinking non-alcoholic beers, nobody will know, because it almost looks and tastes the same.

    Congratulations for your new challenges at work, I hope you like it!
     
    TrueDat likes this.
  12. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    You could also try to drink some salt water (just some salt mixed with mineral water) before you go to bed. I used to do that when I drank alcohol and the hangover was less bad the next day. Some friend of mine confirmed this.
     
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  13. Bilbo Swaggins

    Bilbo Swaggins Well-Known Member

    Well, the best thing to do for that is drinking electrolytes. You buy them at the drugstore, and it really works.
     
    TrueDat likes this.
  14. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Thanks Luke and Bilbo for the advice, really appreciate it. I think I will try the alcohol-free beer method next time, I remember these have started tasting better last time I tried and was sober for a month, that was last year though.

    I actually bought hangover cure tablets a some time ago, just forgot about using them last night. Will try them next time too.
     
    Bilbo Swaggins likes this.
  15. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Had a good few days away with friends, no phone or internet, just enjoying nature.

    Came home feeling exhausted after a lack of sleep for several nights. Had some triggers: tired, stressed (working a lot right now), matched with a girl I met with before Tinder and she looked very hot.

    Documenting my triggers here, going to bed early and hoping that tomorrow is a better day!
     
    -Luke- likes this.
  16. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Hard work work. I barely have any freetime anymore, I really should work a day during next weekend in order to catch up a bit with my tasks, it is overwhelming right now.

    The past couple of weeks I have fought my usual triggers (boredom, tiredness, hangover, tinder/instagram scrolling). I have managed not to drink too much when partying. I have also met with two new girls and used kamagra 50 mg (went fine) but with the second girl I lowered the dose to 25 mg and struggled a lot, could not put a condom on and it was overall just terrible but we managed for a couple of minutes.

    I need a longer streak I think before I see the benefits again.

    Goal for the week: work out 5 days. It's been over two months since I last managed that, averaging 1 or 2 days/w. and I am crazy out of shape right now.
     
  17. Krebs

    Krebs Active Member

    Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning a lion wakes up. It knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death. It doesn’t matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle: when the sun comes up, you’d better be running.
    Life is rough, sometimes is too rough. Just keep doing what is right.
     
    TrueDat likes this.
  18. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    I thought I would go to the gym this weekend but I caught a cold. Staying home alone, worked a couple of hours but procrastinated a lot and did not work more on Saturday, tomorrow Sunday I will work a lot more.

    I PMO'd thrice and MO'd four times. Managed 3 weeks without P. It was the procrastinating that got me, being sick and very stressed about work, also knowing that I have a full day of work tomorrow and then a new week of stress.

    My goal is to not relapse more and don't be too hard on myself since that would lead more days like this. One hour, one day at a time now, small steps.

    EDIT. I worked all Sunday from home. Later PMO'd twice and MO'd once.
     
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2021
    Krebs likes this.
  19. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Work has been chaotic, I have been working days and nights to meet deadlines. I am proud of what I accomplished this week and will make sure to set boundaries so I have my freetime in the coming time, that is truly needed for me to relax.

    PMO has not been on my mind but yesterday we went out to celebrate a friends birthday, we got shitfaced and I was hungover the next day. PMO'd 3 times and MO'd 7 times the day after. So I only managed to abstain since last weekend.

    I know my problem is that I don't commit fully enough to drinking in moderation and this leads to my constant relapses. I have to do something about this, I am starting with some short term weekly goals that I can follow up and have accountability.

    Goal for next week:
    *No more than 4 beer per party.
    *No PMO and no mindless browsing for instagram models.
    *Gym 5 days (most importantly is getting there, that is a win in itself, no bigger expectations right now)
    *Don't work more than maximum 1 hour overtime per day
    *Eat more homecooked food, I have wasted so much money on restaurants everyday

    Now I want to get back to my old self and the key to that is to build up all good habits again.
     
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2021 at 11:38 AM
    Krebs likes this.

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