End Game

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by TrueDat, Nov 23, 2014.

  1. R3balance

    R3balance Active Member

    Man I just read your posts since march and I’m in tears.

    I’m extra emotional cause of my own shit rn

    So tough to be where we are fighting are hearts out these mental battles to have a human function to fulfill a base need.

    frustrating af.

    hope I’m not coming off negative I’m just at a low rn just MOd 3x in 24 hours with lube and Erections were complete shit, everything was shit. I won’t be having sex with my gf anytime soon either with this and I’m losing faith in the process.

    All I know for sure is porn is the root cause of our issue and we can never look at it again.

    I wish you luck in fighting this battle. But look at me 9 months no porn minimal Os and requiring with a loving partner and I could sexually be more dysfunctional than you are right now.

    so keep your head up. Focus on what’s in front of you and don’t waste anymore time with relapses and focus on your recovery journey
    TrueDat likes this.
  2. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Resisted the temptation to MO again this morning. That chaser effect is so destructive. Like I'm aware I'm not horny but my brain just craved that temporary high.

    On another note. This morning I had news that my boss is leaving the company. He recruited me and truth be told I have not exceeded expectations, only passed them.

    Since I was recently recruited and the company is downsizing I don't have much job security so I have to see this as a wake up call to do more than just "what's needed" if I am to keep my job. Also I'm in a bad position to apply for a new job given my depressive state.

    Some short term goals for this week.
    *Get up in good time, a bit earlier than my official work hours.
    *Study 3 hours in total outside of work to gain some more knowledge in my field.
    *Work out 6 times (did 5 times last w.), this also helps a bit with my depression.
    *Meditate 2 times

    Let's do this, onwards and upwards.
    Last edited: May 3, 2021 at 1:31 PM
  3. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Thanks R3balance,
    That means a lot.
    Let's do our best and focus on what we can change. Hope the best for us all, will follow your journey!
  4. Bilbo Swaggins

    Bilbo Swaggins Well-Known Member

    Sorry man. Sounds tough. I hadn’t realized your social anxiety was that bad, to the point where it makes it hard for you to live a normal life. Really sorry man, rooting for you.

    Here’s what comes to my mind after reading your post. As you said, anybody who would have the problems you do would feel bad too, so don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s true that life isn’t fair, but it’s something we have to accept. At the same time, there are plenty of people out there who are probably more miserable than you and me, and who have hard challenges to face too. The way I see it, when we have a problem like ED or inflamed lips, we have to try our best to find a way to get rid of it. Try different things, go see specialists, give it your best shot. And IF it turns out your problem is permanent, the you have to learn to live with it and accept it.

    If your inflamed lips bother you that much, which is totally understandable, go and try to fix the problem. If a low carbs diet is beneficial to you on this, then think about what’s more important for you, the gym or the health of your lips. Go see other specialists too, try different things. And if unfortunately there’s no solution to your problem, then learn to live with it. Therapists really often deal with people who have a chronic disease, or a handicap. From my experience, most of the time when you meet with a therapist, it will be someone who won’t really be able to help you. But there are some good therapists out there, even if they are hard to find. And if you find one of them, you’ll learn to see things differently.

    I encourage you to keep looking for a solution, and always try to improve yourself. Sometimes I also feel that life ain’t fear, and I’m bitter about it in those moments. That’s understandable, I mean, ED, depression, social anxiety, inflamed lips, all these things aren’t fun. But I believe the key is to keep going forward. There’s hope that things can be better. We may be able to fix our problems, or to learn to live with them in a more mature way. In all cases, I believe we should try our best to stay as far as possible from despair and discouragement.

    Good luck, man. Take care.
  5. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Thanks Bilbo, I appreciate you taking the time to write that and I fully agree with your logic.
    I have not yet given up and have met with dermatologists, doctors and dentists/dental hygienist the recent years and I think I know the root cause now (periodontitis/inflammation of lips), this is the only diagnosis I have received. However, dentists/doctors say they have not seen it affecting the lips like it has in my case. Either way, I am still looking for solutions and will try to cope better with this. As you say, there are other people living with more serious conditions than I am.

    I am doing what I can it is just that some days I feel out of hope and the flatline is also contributing some.
    Not all bad though in my journey, a minor sign of healing is that my emotions are (once again) coming back more and I actually laughed many times watching the "The Office" today. This usually happens after a month or two away from P for me so it is a step in the right direction.
    Last edited: May 3, 2021 at 4:14 PM
    Bilbo Swaggins likes this.
  6. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    MO'd three times today. Will have to try a new nofap streak, I am progressing with no P though.

    I MO'd five times more the day after. Have to control this better.
    New short term goal: No MO rest of May.
    Last edited: May 7, 2021 at 1:01 PM

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