End Game

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by TrueDat, Nov 23, 2014.

  1. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    I have come to the conclusion that if I am to ever beat this problem I must stop O'ing. I have to stop using Viagra and stop forcing erections. I tried to M now but could not get hard. Occasionally I have morning wood though, like 50 % erection strength. Could have sex 5 days ago with Viagra but then I was put into flatline again which I am now feeling.

    I can get a semi from kissing but that quickly goes away, my erections are really weak. Have experienced a lot of semen leakage this week too. Last night I used Viagra but could not get hard, the problem is in my brain.

    Basically, everytime I have O'ed the past 3 months it has put me into deep flatline for different durations (from 1 day to 2,5 weeks). I have not felt horniness the past 3 years, so I am only forcing things, can't be good.

    Well, now I just have to tell my GF that I must avoid orgasm, jeez, what if I can't have sex with her for 3 months, or worse, over half a year? Doubt that she can take that..
  2. RoryMac

    RoryMac Guest

    You can still please her without having penetration. Also, you could try Karezza. Good luck!
  3. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Yes! I will do that! Thanks for staying so optimistic! I really want to get out of this PIED-thing so I need to go hard-mode. I have been stuck in this for so long and am one of the worst cases, I often compare my case to Gabe's.
  4. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Still have dead-dick syndrome. Last time I was able to have sex was 10 days ago (with viagra). I am now trying out my new philospohy of not using Viagra and I think that this recovery period will be long since my symptoms still are so severe. Last night my GF was grinding away on top of me and I could not muster more than 40-50 % erection. When she gave me a HJ, nothing really happened. This is emasculating :-\ Nothing turns me on and I have zero interest in sex.

    My relation with my girl is good despite all this. I have started to communicate clearer, telling her my "secrets" and my feelings which she appreciates. However, she is a horny girl and I am getting tired of always pleasing her. I often do this even when I am not in the mood...

    -I get morning wood from time to time, 50 % EQ
    -2 wet dreams the past week
    -No libido
    -Can't get an erection while masturbating alone
    -Going for hardmode, no O.

    I know that she tries to excite me about sex but right now I am totally not in the mood. I have to tell her that this no sex-thing can take months..
  5. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    -18 days no O now.

    Seeing small improvements, a little bit better morning wood and can get aroused by kissing to maybe 60-70 % erections.

    Feeling a bit down because I have caught a cold so I have not been working out much the past week. However, the week has been pretty good, I have spent a lot of time with GF. She is wonderful for having patience with this and I have told her that I might not be able to have sex for 3 months or so. She accepted that and said that she loves me anyway. I so want to be able to fuck her and have good libido. Last night I found a box in her room with a dildo (knew about that one before), a sexy feather, sex dice and a blindfold. It felt a bit weird, it only confirms that she is a kinky girl. She often goes to sex shops with friends and talks about how we are gonna have spontaneous sex on new places when I am ready. I can't wait!

    My hatred for PIED is motivating me. I feel like that this problem has wasted so many years for me, sex-wise. I just turned 24 and could have had an active sexlife since many years. I also could have banged a lot of girls since I am pretty good at picking up girls and have had 10 + occasions with different girls in bed (all failures). Those occasions happened during one year, then I stopped trying. Now I sit here with very limited sexual experiences, no libido and no sexual tension in the relationship.

    Ah well, I just have to keep on truckin'. There is no other option. I will be so relieved and happy when I experience libido again.
  6. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Can't sleep. Laying sick in bed thinking about my life. I feel that this problem has robbed me of my manhood, my masculinity. I have started to act like a pussy... I am not revealing my true self, I have become a "nice guy" although I do not feel like one on the inside.

    First thing is that I have to start loving myself more, respect myself. I feel that people can use my weak confidence at the moment. My low self confidence is a direct consequence of PIED. I have been trying to fix this problem for several years and I should respect myself for it, I could never predict this serious problem.

    Second, I should stop pleasing others all the time. I will not go down on my girl if I am not in the mood . I just do it because I am afraid of losing her if I don't please her often. I do it everyday now and I feel submissive at the moment. Hell, it should be other way around! I want to be in control, to have full sexual confidence, fuck this!

    She can't please me atm since I am abstaining from O but in time I will tell her to give me a BJ to see if I react to it. Last time I lost the erection pretty quick...

    Last thing is that I am getting so frustrated with sugar coating things. I want to become honest, if someone asks: "do I look good in these jeans?" or "do you think I am fat?" I want to give my honest opinion without having to change my thinking due to social norms or political correctness.

    A long post but I really needed this otherwise I would go crazy. I feel like shit atm.
  7. RoryMac

    RoryMac Guest

    Hey Strongman,

    I don't know why I am the only one leaving you frequent messages but I find your journal insightful and I can always relate to certain things even though I don't have a girlfriend. And right away that's something I wanna tell you: Even though you are in this PMO mess for such a long time, you managed to aquire a gf which in my opinion requires a lot of courage. So your state of mind can't be that bad. I bet she didn't fall in love with you because she saw a little powerless puppy in you who she could dominate but something worthy to her and appealing. And to reframe your momentarily unidirectional sex life, at least you will become a master of licking pussy, so that won't be too bad in the long run ;). But I assume that sex is also a strong tool of power in your relationship. Like, you keep her occupied with cunnilingus so that she doesn't get unsatisfied? Does she feel the same (subconsciously) and uses it to satisfy herself knowing you wouldn't deny her because of your situation? M

    Furthermore, I can very much relate on how badly PIED affects one self-confidence and personality in general. For example, I used to be a very vocal, outgoing and strong personality but as soon as I was hit by PIED and recognized that it wouldn't go away too soon, I started to more and more isolate myself because I literally felt impotent. But as bad as it is, I'm almost a 100% sure that self confidence will come back when you recover.

    So don't give up the hope, you are a very courageous man in my book and I guess your life right now is very confusing and demanding in many regards. Just imagine you being without your gf or alone, not a bit would it be better.

    Best of luck and get well soon!
  8. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Thanks so much for the insightful reply rorymac!

    My situation:
    -25 days no O
    -still flatline, no libido
    -frustrated about the lengthy process but I am trying to think about other things.

    I am still a little bit sick (it's been a week now) and I am hungover from last night's partying. Me, my GF and a few friends went clubbing and had a good time. It was a fun night and one of my best friends went home with a friend of my girlfriend. He is such a player so it was expected, haha!

    It was the first time I saw my girl very drunk and some stuff surfaced. We had a serious discussion about our relationship and she said that she loves me so much. However, she thought it was a bit weird that I said that I had troubles feeling love around two months ago and that I declared my love for her one month ago. But I explained and said that I truly love her (I have shifted my exaggerated definition of love somewhat). My emotions are starting to come back bit by bit , the reboot makes me feel more like a human being and less like a robot.

    She also told me that she has had people treating her bad before and that she is so happy that I care for her and are a nice guy. She told about me about her depression when a family member died a few years ago , I knew about that already. But then she told me that she had tried taking her life (!) during that period. This was shocking news to me. I have experienced her as a strong, stable individual although I know myself that depression is tough. I'm supporting her in everything she does but I must tell you that this secret was overwhelming to hear and has shed a new light on my understanding of her. I'm gonna talk with her again tomorrow about this if she approves , I have some other thing I have to discuss too.

    She have visiting friends from abroad staying with her so I haven't slept at her place for five days which is a long brake for us.

    Finally, I am trying to get back to the gym which feels good. The feeling I have after working out makes my days nowadays, that's the time when I experience some dopamine I guess. I will try to stay more optimistic and hope that I feel the effects of recovery within the next 3-4 months!
  9. ImNotaFailure

    ImNotaFailure New Member

    Yo !

    First of all, I have read this whole topic and saw that you made some post about feeling bad about yourself and depression etc. So what I want to tell you, you are GIFTED with a girlfriend like this and I hope you REALISE that!
    You keep saying that you want to go all the way, but are you really doing everything you can ? I have not read much about:

    - Cold showers
    - Working out
    - Suplemments
    - Meditation
    - Eating healthy
    - Stop drinking for a while
    - Walking outside

    What is your vision on this points ? I am not telling you that you have to stop drinking or something but at least make a progress in it. Let's say your drinking 1 time/2weeks atm, then change that to 1t/3weeks. That is already a progression :)
    You have been strong for a longtime, hold on ! Look to the progression you already made and keep going.

    Peace :D
  10. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Thanks for the reply and the questions!

    -Cold showers: I have taken them during a 25-day period but then stopped because I got sick. I'm gonna start taking cold showers again, I will try everything that can help my D2-receptors regain sensitivity now.
    -Working out: I am going to the gym 5 days a week and have done so for many years. I love the gym!
    -Supplements: Will buy some vitamin-supplements so I know for sure that I get my recommended daily intake of vitamins.
    -Meditation: I haven't really taken the time to do this, maybe will start doing it from time to time. But then I will have to do some research first, I have not so much free-time since I am studying full time and spend a lot of time with GF or at the gym.
    -Eating healthy: I could be better at this. I am not cooking very nutritious meals at the moment.
    -Drinking: I will try and do this maybe maximum once every second week. Right now I have been drinking twice a week for some time. I don't want that anymore, drains me of my energy and doesn't help my progress at the gym either.

    So I am doing a lot, but the next most important step is to start with the cold showers again and buy the supplements of vitamins (already tried vitamins last year but will try again). :)
  11. cesttlavie

    cesttlavie New Member

    Hey dudes, I read all ur post :D . U have the same situation , i abstain from PMO and can have sex again and then i have deep flatline . Now im 1 week no PMO . Im think we will be better if we no PMO for a long time enough for our brain to recover :D . Just want to say that , u'd better save u first , u can please her by diffrent way .
  12. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Thanks cesttlavie! Good luck to you too!

    -33 days no O. Still flatline.

    I actually got very sick once again a few days ago. It was really bad, I could not eat for two days (stomach sickness) and had high fever. I was at my girlfriends place and got sick so she took care of me, cooked me dinner etc, bought painkillers and everything. She is fantastic! Today I am starting to feel better, I am now eating again and have no fever which feels so good. I can also swallow my saliva which hurt so bad for a few days, my throat was very sore.

    I think I got sick again because I didn't sleep well at all for 2 nights so I was exhausted and my immune system had taken a toll since I was sick the last time. I really need to boost my immune system now so I am gonna eat loads of vitamins and nutritious foods.

    Last night I had a wet dream. It was not about some porn fantasy like I used to dream about when I first started rebooting, so I guess my thoughts are more natural now. However, I have not seen any noticable progress during these 33 days with no O so I guess it's gonna take a while. Maybe 3 months or probably more. I really hope this is over soon, I know that it has to take the time it needs but it is affecting the relationship and everything about me in negative ways.

    From now on I just want to stay clear of sickness, come back to the gym (for once!) and spend time with my girl.
  13. Mr. Tony

    Mr. Tony Life is like a game of chess.

    Keep up the great work, Strongman!!

    Way to go past a month!!
  14. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Thanks Mr. Tony!!

    -37 days no O.

    Starting to feel better again, will propably try going to the gym tomorrow.
    Last night I was able to have sex without ED pills! So happy for that. Only shows that this process is helping me. I didn't feel very horny and had to force the erection a bit (maximum 80% EQ) but it worked! Very good for my self-esteem! Karezza style, no O. Could only have sex like over a minute, I felt too sensitive haha. Still progress.

    Moving on. :)
  15. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    I O'ed last night :-\ Managed 42 days no O. Luckily, it was from sex, but I still regret it.
    Fact is that I wasn't horny and had to force the erection very much. At first when I entered, i couldn't keep the erection so slow gentle karezza was impossible. Instead I needed constant and hard stimulation to keep my erection inside her. I got an 80 % erection but I O'ed in under a minute, couldn't stop it!

    So I feel a little disappointed today, I will not try to force this again. If my boner is not ready enough to even stay hard through PIV, then it is no point in going for sex right now. So... I hope this doesn't delay my reboot too much. At least I am rewiring myself to the real deal all the time since I am spending much time with my gf.
  16. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Yesterday was a good day! I am back at the gym making up for lost time. Have started with cold showers again (four days in a row). Spent the evening with my girl and we had a relaxing evening with jacuzzi, TV and just chill. The best thing is that I was able to have sex again. I am starting to work without ED pills and that is good progress!

    I took it pretty slow last night and didn't O which is important. Since my last O I have been feeling no interest in girls whatsoever and more "robot-like". I will try and stay away from O and just keep rewiring with karezza when possible.

    I am not feeling horny yet and need constant stimulation to achieve erection (80 % EQ). When I was sitting in the jacuzzi with my sexy naked gf I didn't feel any horniness or erection at all. But we managed to have sex anyway because I started grinding on top of her haha.

    The only thing I wish for this christmas is that I continue to see progress :)
  17. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Christmas has been very good this year!

    I have spent a lot of time with family, friends and gf. Went clubbing yesterday with some old friends and we all had a good time!

    Have had slow karezza with gf and my erection is still weak. Only missionary position is working right now but I can have sex without Viagra so I am happy for that. Things can only get better with time. :)
  18. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Yesterday I spent New year's eve with my gf. It was only us two in a rooftop-apartment. We were invited to a big party but we had decided to not party hard since my girl had to work early in the morning. The evening started out perfectly, she looked beautiful and had prepared a 3-course dinner for me. Everything tasted so good! We ate and took a bath in the jacuzzi after that. I did not manage to have sex with her during the night and I had failed the night before too. I had fairly good sex two nights a ago but I have been feeling asexual these past couple of nights. Managed to achieve a semi which was gone in literally 2 seconds.

    I am quite disappointed about this, I mean I had a good trend but it's broken now. I hope that this is just a minor flatline and that my erection will come back asap (I have not O'ed in 15 days) . Not the best way to start the year but anyways...I have made some progress during the past year. The evening was near perfect in other ways, it was just the abscence of sex in the jacuzzi and in bed that was missing, especially since my gf was really horny.

    Fight on brothers!
  19. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    -19 days no O.

    Dick has not worked for a week. Only get a lot of precum and a weak erection which is no good. Dick also feels shriveled and cold sometimes, it's severe flatline all over. Have been an emotional wreck the past week and cried twice. Of course because of this problem.

    My girlfriend is supportive. I want to be strong and happy but some days are tough. I carry so much frustration inside, it cannot be healthy.

    I am working out hard again which is good. I am also kind of stressed out because I have A LOT of schoolwork to do right now.
  20. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member


    I MO'ed today. Feel like shit atm. It was so stupid of me. I know this. It was one of my old triggers. I have a difficult and boring report for school and I procrastinated a bit before I started, just before I was supposed to start writing my thoughts went crazy. I tried to calm myself down, but I ended up MO'ing... Feel so disappointed in myself, this may delay the reboot... I aimed for no O for 90 days and more but did not work this time. It was not easy to get an erection so I was not ready for introducing M at all.

    Ah well, I really have to make these days with no O, or I might never heal... I never think about porn anymore but I am still not healed so I need to abstain.

    I managed:
    62 days no M.
    19 days no O.

    Feel like I have failed myself but also my girlfriend. :-\
    Oh and I had a wet dream tonight. It was a long time ago since I last had one.

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