ED or PIED? Please advice

Discussion in 'Erectile Dysfunction / Delayed Ejaculation' started by MasterEd, Mar 29, 2020.

  1. MasterEd

    MasterEd New Member

    hi all,

    i found these forums after some ED issues in the last couple of weeks. Hereby my story. I'm not sure if it's ED related, or that also i suffer from PIED. Or perhaps from both.

    I'm in the late 30's and married for over 10 years. I've always had an extra interest for sex. I had more need than my wife, and did masturbate a lot. Previous year my wife and i grew apart a bit. Thats when i started to masturbate 5x per week, and mostly on porn (i think it was from july, but i could be wrong). The occasional time i did not use porn i would use nipple clamps to stimulate the nipples more.
    Furthermore, we did have sex like 1-2x per month, no problems there though.

    From last december we went into relation therapy, and we have solved our relation issues the last months. We are very open now about everything, and can talk about everything. I also shared this ED / PIED with her, and she says no pressure, we take our time. No sex for a period of time is no problem. (though i feel different about it. I'm not used to feel not horny / no need for sex / nervous about sex / not being able to have / keep an erection).

    Sexually, from like end december / begin january i did not masturbate alone anymore, and stopped my porn usage. I was obsessed about sex though (only with my wife, i think due the relation problems ?), and was chasing my wife a lot. Even pressuring here too much at some point. Luckily we could talk about it, and we ended up having sex like 1x a week. The sex was really good like never before. Erection lasted each time around 20-40 minutes.
    Also, she decided to help me with masturbating 1-2x per week. Usually i jerk off, and she kisses me and squeezes my niples (the harder the better). (to give her some breathing room)

    A couple weeks ago we had sex, though i could not penetrate her quickly enough. I got nervous and lost my erection. We tried again later, but i could not get an erection anymore.
    Few days later we showered together, and i got an erection and she helped me masturbate. That relieved me abit, though not fully. After that we had 1-2x sex without issues and i was relieved that my penis still worked.
    The next time, she helped me masturbate in the shower in the early day. At night we wanted to have sex, though i could not get an erection. I did help her by hand, and had a semi erection for a minute, and it went away.

    During the above period, i did masturbate a few times to make sure my penis still worked so to say. I did 2x with porn, and 1x without porn. I noticed it was less hard without porn. But i could still come. Though i only got an erection while i stimulated my penis by hand.

    Last week we had sex, and i was penetrating her. When switching stances, i had a sort of deja vu moment and was nervous again and my erection was gone. Since then i'm all in my head and cannot think not about it.

    I've lost interest in all sex for the moment. I tried to masturbate today without porn but could not get an erection. Though i must say i was really nervous and stressed.

    Also, i want to add, i'm really focused that my wife is having a good time during the sex. Making sure she cums as well, and before me. Sometimes i forget my own needs and desires, and might be too much thinking about it all.

    My question here, is this PIED or ED? Or perhaps a mixture of both?
    I allready decided to get away from all porn from now on. And the masturbation i will quit as well. I think both is needed in order to reboot? And how is masturbating with the partner together? Is that 'allowed'?

    And any more tips to get out of my head? At the moment i'm not that nervous, though i'm sure i will get nervous once we try some sex again. Also it's really weird for me to look at my wife and not feel horny for a few days. The last few months i could not keep my hands of her during the day, and really needed sex every 3-4 days or i went crazy.

    Thanks in advance!

    Edit: i would like to add the last couple of months (and still to this moment) i'm under a lot of stress due private and work related issues. It almost feels like a depression / burnout (nervous feeling in the heart all the time, bad sleeping)
  2. Doper

    Doper Well-Known Member

    I'm no doctor but I think if you can sometimes sustain a good erection, it's not very likely you have bloodflow issues and whatnot, in that case your erections would not be sufficient ALL THE TIME. Most likely the porn/masturbation is the problem. Everyone is different, but I can tell you in my experience, If for example I had rebooted perfectly for months and had great erections, then for maybe 1 month, I jerked off to porn 5 times a week (like you say you did) my erections would not be good at all either. That's the nature of the beast. Some guys cannot do that at all, and if you want to have good sex, you have to swear off porn and masturbation forever, IMO. As well, as someone who habitually played with my nipples, you gotta cut that shit out in my opinion, I think it trains your body to be able to have pleasure without a completely hard erection, you want to train your body to associate pleasure with a completely hard erection. Jerking off to porn while you are semi erect is the same thing, it is the road to erectile ruin. Anyhow, just stop porn and masturbation and just have sex with your woman, if it works it works if it doesn't it's not the end of the world. It will get better with time. Would it get better faster if you went hard mode = no porn, masturbation, fantasy, and even sex?.......Yes, it most likely would chop some time off, but that's up to you how you want to play this. Good luck.
    MasterEd and Thelongwayhome27 like this.
  3. MasterEd

    MasterEd New Member

    hi Doper, thanks a lot. All what you're saying makes sense. I've quit porn and masturbating from now on. I'll keep an eye out for those nipples. They are so sensitive and might be a part of the problem. At least if they are the major thing that gets touched every time.

    The only strange thing is though the last few months there was no problem at all with my erections. And 'suddenly' it started to be a problem, long after i quit porn and masturbation
    (though wife helped with that + nipples) . Perhaps also some kind of exhaustion? Or the great stress at the moment.

    Last 1.5 weeks i could not get aroused at all, and no erections. Though last monday that feeling was back. And we had sex in the evening, and it was with a good erection. I was so nervous i was totally shaking. Though it was nice. Short duration though.
    Yesterday we also had sex, though it was less nice. I started to worry it was not fully hard and rushed the penetration and orgasm. Imo it was less hard, though my wife says she didn't notice.
    Now afterwards i feel guilty for not taking the time she deserved. Sighs. It is really hard mentally.

    Maybe i make the whole sex thing too important and should try to relax more and take it even slower. How long would you think would help to pause the sex? Or is it really hard to say and different for everyone?

    Cheers man, thanks again.
  4. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    I'm definitely no expert and this is just my own take but it sounds to me, reading the first post, that maybe you are also getting a bit too concerned about this and it may actually play games with you. By being more self conscious of the whole thing, you are subconsciously putting pressure on yourself and the ability to relax, be present and in the moment, that is necessary to enjoy the act of love, suffers.

    But not to mean there can't be something to be concerned about and address.

    I think this is very different for all men (how long it would take to stay away from Porn and masturbation and see results). So in my opinion you could try to stay away from porn and solo masturbation and even masturbation from your partner for a while - and only orgasm through sex. To try this for say 3 months and see what happens. And in case you do want to masturbate, it's been said on different forums or websites that doing a soft grip can help (rather then a strong grip). This can help re-sensitize yourself. Also, using some kind of lube.

    You could also look into meditation, that may help with being in the moment and less self conscious. And also the usual stuff for being healthy ; sleeping well, eating right, exercise, lowering stress as much as possible. Refraining from excessive alcohol consumption and smoking. All these should help as well.
    MasterEd likes this.
  5. MasterEd

    MasterEd New Member

    Hi thelongwayhome,

    Thanks alot for your opinion. You might be right and i might be pressuring myself too much and therefor making it worse and creating more and more anxiety. Its really hard not to though. Its in my nature to worry :(.
    Thankfully my wife is very supportive and adds no additional pressure on the whole situation. She says lets take it slow and easy and enjoy the moment and see what happends. If its by hand its ok. If its by penetration its also ok. And if the erection doesnt come or stay its no problem, there will be a next time. (I know there is no real need to worry but still this is very hard to do so, especially in the moment. This might need some time. Ive never had something like this happen so the first thing to worry about is 'what is erong with me').

    Im also.not sure if this is porn or masturbation related. Though i want to take no chanced and will leave it out from now on. And see what happends.
    Maybe in a way i want that to be the cause, if that makes sense. But on the other side, does the cause ultimately really matter....
    Im sure though its also stress related. Im getting help for that through therapy. To learn to worry less and to be less in my head and more in the moment.

    Should i also ask my doctor for a blood examination to rule out any vitamine shortages and such?

    Furthermore, at the moment i do strength training 3 to 4x a week. And i walk 30 to 60 mins each day. We are eating healthy lately (protein focused caloric deficit diet, lots of vegetables and fruit) to loose fat and gain more muscles. Im also going to focus on more time for myself to get more relaxed.

    Lastly i might pickup meditation again. Ive done mindfullness in the past. Sit still for 20 mins a day and focus on the here and now.

    Thanks again and I'll keep you updated here :).
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.

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