Early life experiences

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Caoimhín, Jan 22, 2019.

  1. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    What experiences lived when we were babies, kids, etc have possibly contributed to our porn addictions?

    I've been thinking quite a bit about this as I come to grips with some of the violence that I experienced as a boy. My brother had a really violent temper and I know now that part of my coping was to try and remain invisible and not attract attention. Carried this forward to my adult life. This has meant that I have a problem in getting my own needs met so that I can avoid troubling other people or just avoid a potential conflict. When they are not met, I get really down on myself and on others.... when I am down, I do things to make me feel better.

    I believe that this is a big part of my inability to maintain a relationship for very long. Now, I'm not saying that if I had not experienced these things as a child that I would actually understand women, :confused: but as it is now, all relationships are doomed. I get angry and then leave. Unable to engage in healthy conflict within a couple. Sex on a screen eliminates the problem.
     
  2. dark red drifter vessel

    dark red drifter vessel Active Member

    So that would mean you'd have to learn how to have proper conflict with people? Cause I feel I can still learn in that department, trying to strike middle ground between being a doormat and being the epitome of toxic bitch king to ppl. Used to tend to the latter, now I am kind of ...demilitarized and tend a bit more to the doormat.

    Or are you somewhere completly different with that?

    Re the initial question, ya, I think a lot of our shit today comes from childhood, sure. But we can't go there to fix it most often, well somtimes you can, if you get epiphany-level lucky. Doesn't happen too often, that I actually find some scrap of memorey from these early years that makes sense to me now. Maybe best think about the skill set you got now and work on that?
     
  3. Big Lebowski

    Big Lebowski Member

    Dysfunctional family being the main one. Shit job I wasn’t interested in and slightly chubby, comfort ate because that and pmo was awesome at the time.
     
  4. Imfree

    Imfree Active Member

    My dad committed suicide when I was young and there were a couple big moves around that time. This made me withdrawn and not wanting to reach out to people because I assumed they were just going to leave. I felt responsible and on an emotional level believed that I had done something terrible and I was going to be found out.
     
  5. selfdiscovery

    selfdiscovery New Member

    Whatever your first sexual experiences even remotely associated with porn were as a pre-adolescent, the part of the brain that is susceptible to this addiction gets fired up (for lack of more technical terms) and BONDS to whatever those first experiences were. For me, it's always been about MB. As to what actually initiated it (short of 'normal' physical curiosity), I can't remember. I think part of my brain is locked with regards to this, which has always scared me. What is back there that might be blocked and can't be recalled? Some sort of early experience with possible abuse (I've seriously considered this since I have occasional fleeting images that haunt me...are they remnants of an early fantasy or true vestiges of things that really happened?
     
  6. doneatlast

    doneatlast Active Member

    I have a lot of attachment anxieties from early childhood, from parents that were very loving, but only intermittently. In retrospect my mother likely had a host of issues of her own including depression and possibly her own attachment issues. It carried over into my friendships and relationships, and it has been very hard for me to feel like anyone relates to me. That combined with just old fashioned bad luck in the dating realm has left me feeling acutely lonely. Needless to say, that left me as fertile ground for a porn addiction. It was there when I "needed" it, didn't judge or leave me (or so I thought), and doubled down on my anxieties which just pulled me in further.

    We're all damaged goods. Some of us have very clear lines of abuse that created our addictions (people who were raped or molested are very likely to have sex and/or porn addictions), but for the rest of us, porn just has a way of finding our weaknesses and yanking them out. Even if we just got hooked out of plain curiosity or horniness, our wounds get involved very quickly.
     
  7. Imfree

    Imfree Active Member

    500+ days. I can't imagine what that would be like. You're my hero.
     
  8. doneatlast

    doneatlast Active Member

    The counter says nothing about the years of relapses and very short reboots that came before.
     

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