So i'm new to this website. Let me tell a little about myself. I was born and raised in Sweden, moved to United States when I was 26. Been married 17 years and have two kids. I think my addiction started when i was 12 years old, that's when i started masturbating as well. At my parents summer home by the Swedish coast, a house where relatives used to stay, some magazines was left behind. And lo and behold who would find them. I think at that age back in 1984 i really didn't understand what it was that was happening or what i was seeing. But like with everyone else, it felt GOOD. Never had a girl friend growing up until i met my wife. We married in 1997 and of course our sex life was great. Newly wed and no kids then you get basically get it on anytime you want. But i was having problems keeping it up and always had problems with Premature Ejaculation. Always super sensitive and never go very long. 1999 our son was born and 2002 our daughter. Sex life was slowing down a bit which is natural with taking care of two children. But I never wanted to hang out with anyone, only stay home and in secret watch porn on the internet. I was getting upset with my wife for not wanting sex like she always used to and I know I was being selfish. I felt like why is she not like that. Why can't she be like those women. I just didn't understand. So i started talking to someone on the computer I used to know before i met my wife. I think we talked for little over a year. I was in my mind getting more and more attracted to this person (we never got physical with each other) and less and less to my wife until i stopped feeling love for my wife. I felt completely rejected. I was at the bottom. I could not look her in the eyes and tell her i loved her any longer. I don't know if this has anything really to do with porn but I think it caused the initial twisted view. I had to confess it to my wife and we had a fall out. Lots of screaming and crying. And i really do hate myself for doing this to her and i will have to live with it. I thought all this would be simple, i would tell her, we would split and i would be happy. WRONG. Not only did i break her heart but also my own. I could not bare the though of leaving her once I had told her. I would not had blamed her for running a blade through me if she wanted to cause I deserved it. But by God's grace she didn't. We spent the next few days airing everything out and put everything on the table. My love for my wife is stronger now than ever before. Since this my wife has been diagnosed with various illnesses (diabetes, neuropathy, hyperthiroidism etc) so she is hurting all the time, so sex is really not a daily thing. So i have been "comforting" myself on daily basis in the shower. But my addiction to porn was not gone. It has been steady coming back and even in my mind i know i was addicted i kept trying to fight it off. But it has made a come back. A week or so ago I told my wife that i watch it occasionally and she lovingly asked me to quit. She has since last year quit smoking so she knows had bad addictions are. So from today on. I pledge to quit watching porn and quit masturbating and be only for my wife. For whenever or whatever she feels like doing. Thanks. Please hold me accountable.