Dudeonthebayou Journal (3rd try)

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by dudeonthebayou, Oct 20, 2021.

  1. dudeonthebayou

    dudeonthebayou If gutters didn't exist...

    Day 1
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    I guess I can say I am willing to try this again. My porn desires is not as bad as in the past but my goal is to ditch them completely. I do need to be held accountable. It's pretty late, almost midnight. I am currently in a Facebook group called "Make Peace with porn" doing a 7 day abstinence. We will see how that goes.




    Previous Journals
    https://yourbrainrebalanced.com/forum/index.php?threads/dudeonthebayou-journal.22089/
    https://yourbrainrebalanced.com/forum/index.php?threads/dudeonthebayou-journal-again.116778/
     
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.
  2. Tomato76

    Tomato76 Active Member

    Welcome back! Look forward to hearing your progress and learning about your path of personal development.
     
    dudeonthebayou likes this.
  3. dudeonthebayou

    dudeonthebayou If gutters didn't exist...

    Day 2
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    Day started out good and stress free and no desires to look at porn at all. Mid afternoon rolls around and stress returns with bickering adult children. My mood drops from high to low in a split second. My urges to just lock the door and binge watch porn is really bad this afternoon but I know it won't benefit me at all. I know this feeling will go away eventually but it is hard to go through it.
     
  4. dudeonthebayou

    dudeonthebayou If gutters didn't exist...

    Day 3
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    This day has not been good, i've been irritated all day long, mostly cause my son decided he wasn't going to work cause his phone was broken. The work ethics for the younger generation has a lot to be desired so this afternoon i went off on him. Maybe it wasn't justified but that is what happened. At the moment my mood levels are down, i'm a tornado of emotions and my desire for porn is very high.
    But I won't look, i can't let myself do that. I know these feelings will pass eventually.
     
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.
  5. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    Yup ! Porn devil wants to possess you ! If you give i n it's good for him ! What do you get? Carry on bro I gets better! Screw him !
     
  6. dudeonthebayou

    dudeonthebayou If gutters didn't exist...

    absolutely, i wrestled this for a very long time.
     
  7. dudeonthebayou

    dudeonthebayou If gutters didn't exist...

    Day 4
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    Started out the day pretty ok, was called out on work appointment and then came back home. Did book keeping for my business to keep myself occupied. Didn't have anything to eat until supper time.
    I didn't have any huge urges at all. My wife says she loves me but never show it, it's just words. That makes me depressed.
     
  8. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    My experience with this: I had a sexless marriage for 22 of the 29 yrs I was married to 1 st wife. I NOW understand I let it be I am married a 2nd time She understands I demand sex if it's no there is no marriage her job among others us to open her legs for me ! You love me? SHOW IT ! You know best just saying------
     
  9. dudeonthebayou

    dudeonthebayou If gutters didn't exist...

    I rather be alone than be married again honestly.
     
  10. dudeonthebayou

    dudeonthebayou If gutters didn't exist...

    Day 5
    -------
    Today started out ok, no stress this morning. Had work appointment 2 hours away so it gave me an excuse to get out of the house. Came back and house is a disaster, clutter everywhere, kitchen counter full of stuff that my son and his girlfriend (can't stand her) are doing. I was about to lose it. My anxiety is high and my depression is bad right now, i feel like i'm boiling. I can't talk to anyone, i have to keep everything locked up inside.
     
  11. breath

    breath Active Member

    In the when I had relapsed into PMO after a good run. The relapse could pick up steam. "Well I had a good run but since I relapsed there's not harm in 1 more time right"? OR " had a good run, felt great, was mostly finding it easier and easier, but then relapsed, and I CAN get back on track if I care to think back to what led me to want to quit" It's not will power to avoid the dangling carrot as much as fostering a belief and disciplined habit which you perceive as a great path.. It's got to be about pursuing the positives
     
  12. dudeonthebayou

    dudeonthebayou If gutters didn't exist...

    Day 6
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    At least 6 days without P/MO/PMO, i feel a big agitated but i'm doing ok. Went to church service this morning, first time since hurricane Ida hit my area.
    Most day is ok, tried to joke of sexual nature with the wife a bit today but she just scoffed it off, rejected again for the nth time since 2017, i lost track.
    I feel alone. Sexually frustrated and no one to vent to. But maybe tomorrow might be better.
     
  13. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Yes, the next day will be better! There's nothing I love better than a sexual joke, but when there is a chasm between man and wife this can be a trigger. By rebuffing you your wife is saying, "I want romance, not crudeness." Hold her, kiss her neck, tell her she looks beautiful. I tell my wife quite often how lovely she looks, even when she's pissing me off.
     
  14. Leonard

    Leonard New Member

    “Keep going” is the only advice I can give as I am early on in my journey. I hope you get there in the end!
     
  15. dudeonthebayou

    dudeonthebayou If gutters didn't exist...

    i agree with you there.
     
    Saville likes this.
  16. dudeonthebayou

    dudeonthebayou If gutters didn't exist...

    Day 8
    ———-

    The last few days has been really bad with drama described in previous post. Today was good, people were civil towards eachother. I really haven’t had much urges to PO, urges to MO is still in the back of my head but I’m still in control.
     
    Saville likes this.
  17. dudeonthebayou

    dudeonthebayou If gutters didn't exist...

    Day 24
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    I have been really busy since last entry. Not much has changed. I have not had much desire to PO. My house will be so quiet the next week because my adult kids who are still living at home will go on vacation with their aunt. Maybe my stress will go down a bit.
     

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