I feel your pain Fiddler. I've been going through exactly that earlier this year. It is hell in its purest form. Actually in my case I suffer from depression since a young age and only recently did I start with counselling. Try to keep it up for a while, see how things develop. Strong depression and suicidal thoughts can be part of the reboot. If it seems unrelated, you may want to talk to a psychologist. Keep reporting in here Fiddler, it may help you a bit if we can support you.