Draining the grotto of my pornographic mind

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Intothewild89, Jun 30, 2018.

  1. Merton

    Merton Well-Known Member

    Congrats on coming up on a week! When you have sex, do you think about porn? I find that if I fantasize about porn, then afterward I have a strong chaser effect and want to PMO. If I keep my mind on the current act, or at least thinking about some real life situation, I tend to do better afterward.
     
  2. Intothewild89

    Intothewild89 Active Member

    Thanks man. Nope, no porn thoughts while having sex. The after effects are similar to after a porn binge but not nearly as bad. It always sets in immediately after sex if I haven't watched porn in a while. When I DO binge on porn, the after effects don't hit for atleast 3 or 4 days. I think it's because my dopamine has to take a while to drop, whereas when I have sex the dopamine is already tanked and I immediately enter withdrawal symptoms. Who knows though, I could be just describing something completely different and have no idea what's wrong with me lol.
     
  3. Intothewild89

    Intothewild89 Active Member

    Day 7.

    Another week no porn or pmo, another day wondering when the streak will end because it always seems to around day 10 - 14. On the bright side, I've written some killer new music lately that's making me forget porn entirely. The down side is that my attention and focus is at an all time low. I'm having a real hard time focusing on long paragraphs and keeping my attention on stuff. It's been about a week again with no coffee and I haven't had any alcohol in 20 days. I'm so flat right now lol. I'm having a little anxiety but I'm so low on dopamine it's like I don't even care. If I was smart I would just listen to myself and say "this is all normal, go through this for 4 months and your life problems will be completely solved". Completely happy with my wife, kids, family, life circumstances. Porn is the #1 enemy. It's ruining my hormone levels and giving me an anxiety disorder. When I get to day 14 I always feel completely back to normal like I did in my 20's and teens. This addiction has truly roped me in it's web. Better get back to writing some tunes before boredom sets in and I do the inevitable.
     
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  4. Intothewild89

    Intothewild89 Active Member

    Day 8.

    Im having horrible insomnia now with body ache and weird disorientation and dizzyness. Im finding that if i dont stay well fed, im getting hypoglycemic. Im trying to force myself to eat every two hours. Woke up really early this morning and my heart was racing for no reason. I think im getting my kids cold. No desire to binge or act out at all. Bad day coming.
     
  5. Intothewild89

    Intothewild89 Active Member

    Day 9.

    Feeling worlds better today. I put down the headphones for a while and let my migraine ease away. For the first time in 9 days, i woke up with no anxiety and no brain fog. Its been about 3 weeks with virtually no coffee (equivalent to maybe an 8 oz. Cup since new years) and absolutely no alcohol and i finally feel my energy coming back. My head isnt all dead inside and heavy and my eyes dont feel all the pressure like they were. I dont know if iv ever mentioned this, but i get bad migraines from too much noise stimulation. This doesnt mix well with being a musician. Its the other half of my physical strife that i deal with. I get anxiety attacks during these migraine periods, and today both the migraine and pmo addiction side effects are finally calming down. What a great way to enter the double digits.
     
    Gilgamesh and Merton like this.
  6. Neilk

    Neilk Member

    Keep going man you got this!
     
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  7. Merton

    Merton Well-Known Member

    Congrats on 9! It does feel great to detoxify from all the chemicals. You’re doing it the right way.
     
    Intothewild89 likes this.
  8. Intothewild89

    Intothewild89 Active Member

    So today was a relapse, but ive learned more along the way, so im not really down about it. I made it to 10 days, a feat i usually dont accomplish while having caffeine. Well, i had a giant coffee today before the binge and i was able to tolerate it very, very well. I want to go back to coffee! I was feeling completely back to normal, and since Gary Wilson says that the body has an inability to handle stimulants during withdrawal, i must have been over the hump of pmo side effects.

    So 10 days, give or take, is what i need to go through if i want to get back to normal, healthy living. I dont think my addiction is that bad, but i still want to be rid of it. I dont feel bad at all, the binge was only for an hour or 2. If i want to drink coffee again without the negative side effects, i need to ditch the porn.

    Always learning, always taking more from each slip up. Feeling great today, time to attack this thing once again. :D
     
  9. Intothewild89

    Intothewild89 Active Member

    Day 1.

    So I need to figure out a way to turn the cravings off once they hit, and the only sure fire way to do that for me is to masturbate as soon as I start craving the porn. Within 20 seconds of release, my need to watch porn drops to absolute zero. I know I really loathe the after effects of orgasm, but I hate feeling that way BECAUSE of the porn. Its what's giving me the hangovers. At least if I masturbate for a while without porn, those hangovers will become less and less. Sure I'll feel bad in the interim, but itll be worth it if it means getting porn out of my life. When the cravings hit yesterday, if I would have just masturbated without any fantasizing, I never would have watched porn off and on for hours like I did. My counter would also say 11 days!

    Anyway, I never even had an O while watching it. I saved it up for last night and I had great sex with my wife. I'm still really bad with PE, but I know it's from my horrible pelvic floor, I can feel it. I have no resistance trying to hold back the orgasm. I know exactly what muscles to work now. Time to sweat those kegal muscles and break out the hindi squats.

    My sore leg feelings are finally starting to abate, 2 months after taking that piece of shit lexapro pill. Drinking coffee the day before would always make them ache the day after, but today they aren't noticeably bad. My feet aren't sweating much at all anymore either, and my tinnitus has finally stopped. I will never go down that ssri road ever again! I still have some CBD oil, so we'll see if I venture into that territory again, albeit at a much lower daily dose. Gonna give it another month or two, though.
     
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2019
    Caoimhín likes this.
  10. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    This is exactly my plan for the moment. Physiologically, I think that is the way it is supposed to work. That's why guys roll over and go to sleep after orgasm... as opposed to cuddling. Isn't it?
     
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  11. Intothewild89

    Intothewild89 Active Member

    Well lets ask ourselves, what have people been doing longer throughout history, pmoing for hours binging their dopamime systems and overdriving their sympathetic nervous systems creating a whole host of hpa axis imbalances, or just rubbing one out when the horniness arises? One has been happening for 15-20 years, the other since the beginning of documented human history. Guess which one doesnt screw up your brain chemistry as much? I think if we stick to this plan, we'll notice our pmo symptoms drop dramatically. Everything in moderation though, i would say no more than 2 or 3 times a week.
     
  12. sveltest

    sveltest Member

    Hang in there dude...

    Youd think a wife or gf would make this easier but not for everyone it seems
     
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  13. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    I'm at daily for the moment but I think that I agree with the concept of 2-3 a week with no fantasy... just empty the pipe! that'll be my goal!
     
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  14. Intothewild89

    Intothewild89 Active Member

    Youd think, right? But look at what im doing. Im not even having an orgasm with it. Its not my sexuality that needs it, its my addiction. I dont even use it for orgasm. It has different functions than sex with my wife does. I would even go as far to say that both acts are on different levels of excitation, where pmo acts like a stimulant and sex is like a xanax. The problem is that sex is becoming more and more sympathetic, and i think thats carrying over into my PE issues because of the porn. Useless garbage.
     
  15. sveltest

    sveltest Member

    Wait...wut

    PE is what...premature ejaculation?

    But you said you dont cum with your partner. How does she take that.

    It was rare i didnt cum with my last 2 gfs. Almost never in fact and we had a lot of sex when we werent thinking of ways to kill each other. They would both get mad if i didnt cum.

    The last chick we were always high on Amps or coke and that can delay ejaculation and extend your refractory period into next week (though id still have a boner the whole time)

    Non medicated i came 5x in 50 minutes with one chick lol...quite proud of that
     
  16. Intothewild89

    Intothewild89 Active Member

    I dont cum with porn. 9 times out of 10 i never masturbate with porn, i just binge watch it for many hours. I definitely cum with my wife during sex, too fucking fast hahaha. The actual sex will usually only last a minute or two if im lucky. I used to be able to last indefinitely when i worked at a factory back in my 20s, but i was also working 10 hour days 6 days a week doing squat lifts putting product on conveyor belts all day, so my kegal muscles were equivalent to Superman. I had total control of my ability to orgasm. Ten years later being a stay at home parent with literally no exercise? Perfect storm to create PE.
     
  17. Intothewild89

    Intothewild89 Active Member

    End of day 2.

    My binge on wednesday wasnt really a binge per se, a few hours here, an hour there. Id say total was probably 4 hours in a 24 hour period broken up in 3 sessions. Coupled with 10 days prior sober, i dont really feel all that much worse. I know to stay away though, or that slope starts to run out from under me.

    Im really going to start hitting the PE exercises starting tomorrow. When im finally over my quickness, i think my pmo use will fall off dramatically. My biggest fantasies involve other men with my wife who can last long, so if i take the place of those fantasies, no need for porn then, right?

    Trying to keep my music listening to speakers only and no headphones. I wear ear plugs most of the day because of my migraines, and ive found that limiting headphone use cuts down on my symptoms by 90% (anxiety, depersonalization, head pain, etc).

    As for coffee, im doing a little experient this time around. I will continue to drink it once a day until i start getting the withdrawal symptoms and will keep drinking it daily until it gets back to like it was on day 10 of no pmo. If my calculations are correct, it will only be hell for days 4-9. Time to prove this thing once and for all.

    Onward!
     
  18. Intothewild89

    Intothewild89 Active Member

    End of day 3.

    Not much to add today. Still feeling pretty great. Wrote and recorded a lot of music today, so we’ll see if I get a migraine in the next day or two. Having only watched porn one out of the last 13 days feels great. This is the life I want, stable and calm, collected and sharp. Still having the morning coffee with no ill effects. Gonna keep sailing on this stable course for as long as my mind will let me.
     
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  19. Intothewild89

    Intothewild89 Active Member

    Day 5.

    Yesterday was rough. The coffee intolerance started again, as I expected it would. Must be in true withdrawal again. Had anxiety through the roof for a good 3-4 hours after drinking it. I'm not going to stop my experiment though. I'm brewing a pot right now as we speak and I'm going to keep drinking a cup a day until A) The intolerance goes away, or B) I relapse on pmo again. One of those two things is the right thing to do.

    @-Luke- posted an amazing comment yesterday on @Merton's journal about a post made by The Underdog that I read from front to back. What an amazing post. His method for getting over this addiction is spot on. I'm going to start following his advice and start focusing on making real life changes, not sitting here dwelling on my symptoms. I'll still keep the counter, but I'm going to make each day less about quitting porn and more about making positive changes in my life. The whole goal thing and how you have to make it an obsession was amazingly written. You can do anything you put yourself fully into. Need more of this in my life. Here's to change!
     
    Thelongwayhome27 and Merton like this.
  20. -Luke-

    -Luke- Active Member

    Yeah, The Underdog definitely was onto something. I also read it again after I posted it. I read that post in 2014 but unfortunately didn’t pay much attention. Underdog always had some really great posts and we can still benefit from that.
     
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