I like what you said about using pmo to escape your personality. I feel like this to an extent. I most certainly like my personality, but there are things i wish i could be better at. I have bad procrastination periods and i feel like ive never really been motivated to do much of anything in life. I have some odd ocd at times. With pmo though, i find a switch is lifted into the on position. During the binge, i find myself actually unable to stop sometimes, its scary. Like 5am will roll around and i know logically if i dont sleep now for a few hours ill feel like shit that day, but i keep going with the porn. Just another hour, and then another. Theres literally like a part of me that gets blunted in the moment and im physically unable to see what im doing wrong. I hate that. When you talk about having progressively longer binge periods, im not sure why i do that, but i think it has to do with dopamine and delta fos b. When we binge we add a little bit more delta fos b to our mix, and it knows we need more to get the feeling out of the porn to bring our dopamine to where it should be naturally. When i had that 13 day streak earlier this month, i found that my relapse didnt really affect me, but now that ive relapsed again 4 days later, the physical symptoms are hitting me HARD. I know it was too soon but did it anyway. Realistically? If i watched porn for a few hours once a month on the same day each month, id probably be A LOT better physically and emotionally. With porn i can forget about my PE issues and see myself as a normal, sexual human. Am i using porn to escape my own flaws? Yes, clearly, but i dont think im doing it because i dont like myself, my character and personality. I like those things just fine, i just wish my inner workings worked better below the belt, and thats where i get down and like to self medicate with pmo. Did the porn cause my PE? Ill probably never know until one of two things happen. 1)quit porn or 2)tone my kegal muscles. Are they both mutually exclusive? Only one way to find out, and that answer should also solve my other problems or atleast give me a better idea of what may or may not be causing them in the first place.