Dopamine Wars

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by tsmith1302, Sep 27, 2012.

  1. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Had a BRUTAL day yesterday. Took an illegal stimulant (FDA banned it in 2013), got a nice little buzz, binged on cam sites and porn, and crashed hard (in some people, the stim I took causes horrible side affects when it wears off. apparently I'm one of those people). Spent the rest of the day dope sick - dizzy, vomiting, cold sweats, headaches, could barely walk or get out of bed, couldn't swallow food.

    To say it was a horrible experience is an understatement, only a handful of times in my 29 years have I been that physically ill.

    I've been experimenting with high doses of caffeine lately, wanted to try something new and it cost me. Also had been abstaining from orgasm for 6 days and just let loose yesterday. 6/7 days has been my threshold lately. by then my sex drive becomes very high and i have no partner. (working on that though).

    Today is a new day, starting fresh. It's only 9 am and I've been surprisingly productive. Woke up early, did laundry, bought some groceries. Still feeling a bit sick but much much better than yesterday. I smoked a little weed which helped even things out.

    I really need to slow down a bit with the constant need for stimulation. It can difficult for me to get through the day without a jolt sometimes.

    Generally my journal updates are good these days. I feel healthy and confident for the most part. Yesterday was an absolute mess though. Just stupidity on my par. I need to learn from my awful experience.
  2. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Random update: one thing I've gotten very good at is disciplining myself when I'm motivated

    I'm going to a wedding with a girl I like next weekend. I will NOT masturbate, orgasm or peek at porn between now and then. I just won't. I want the Nofap benefits. I usually feel awesome around 7 days.

    This doesn't mean I won't ever masturbate or PMO again. It's a safe bet that I will. Just not until after the wedding.

    If I had nothing to look forward to and no "target", it would be a totally different story. I would be PMOi'ng every couple of days most likely. I just care less and can't give myself any real reason not to
  3. snk

    snk Member

    Yup. Sexual energy = still the biggest motivator. It rushes through your veins and makes you do shit! For nofap, for working out, eating healthy... use it. Use it well. If you don't have an event involving chick to look forward to, approaching random chicks you like may be long-running motivation. You want to feel good IN CASE you had to go tell some beauty you like her ass or something.
  4. Using this project as a tool for your needs is also a good strategy. Nice to read new updates from your journal, t
  5. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    I'm in an incredible zone right now. I've been eating very clean lately. No processed BS, no sugar, little grains, lots of protein, lean meats, nuts, fruits and vegetables.

    I've been exercising, playing basketball, doing qigong, lifting light weights - in general much more active.

    This month I've lost about 5 pounds. I was never overweight but getting rid of those stubborn extra pounds I look downright slim. My face looks more chiseled and my clothes fit better.

    My voice is deeper than it ever has been. I speak from my chest consistently now, and also have slowed down the cadence of my speech.

    I've been dabbling in some PUA books and audio. Nothing over the top, not the corny stuff, just the keys to interacting with people in a more confident manner. Understanding the primordial psychology, it's all brilliant advice and the more I implement it the more things "click".

    I can hold eye contact very well now, especially with girls I'm attracted to. Multiple times in the last week I'd be talking to a woman, we lock eyes for five seconds or longer and she literally starts stumbling over words or loses her place in the conversation.

    My posture is better. My room is clean, my car is clean, my office is clean. If I'm bored I'll go through my closests and pantries, organize things, get rid of clutter.

    I've got some really cool business projects cooking and I have a hunch in the next 2-3 years my income could potentially increase by 30% or more.

    I feel a really strong drive now to flirt with women and date. I still have some hurdles I need to overcome in terms of physicality and relationship doubts, internal hangups really - but the raw attraction levels are there - no question in my mind.

    There's a girl I've been into for a while, she is showing me intense IOIs and it feels like we are on the cusp of a relationship. Don't want to jinx it but I'd bet the farm on us hooking up the next time I see her.

    I haven't completely cut out masturbation but cut back considerably. I'm averaging 1-2 orgasms a week maybe, massage parlor trips here and there. But the overall level of stimulation is low. I'm not using porn or camming, not acting compulsively, just releasing the physical tension with fantasy. Erection quality and semen volume is very, very high.

    I apologize for the brag post. I just feel so keyed in right now in terms of my health, my physical appearance, my social life, my appeal to the opposite sex - my overall potential as a man really.

    I don't know what tomorrow will bring but as it stands right now I'm up for the challenge.
  6. Metal

    Metal Get busy living or get busy dying

    Good stuff, sounding like you are making big changes.

    That's what it's all about brother, constantly evolving and being open to change - the only guarantee in this world is that there is a constant flux of change, and we can adapt and move forwards with it or struggle and fight to stay in the same situation which will only take us backwards.

    What school of Qigong are you learning btw?
  7. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    You can always earn a little money on the side by modeling for MMA ads.
  8. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Thanks brother ;D

    Weighed myself again and now I'm down a total of 8.5 lbs this month. Haven't been this trim in over 2 years.

    Kinda felt "blah" yesterday, definitely not the ego trip I was on the day before. Feeling good today though, ready to be productive and tackle my to-do list.

    Regarding porn, camming, sexting - feels like I've gone through a paradigm shift these last few weeks. You could send me a link to porn right now and I wouldn't even click it. It doesn't excite me. Real women do.

    Hoping I continue on with this mentality, but not getting ahead of myself. One day at time.
  9. Hey there, t.
    How's life going for you?
  10. Mike87

    Mike87 New Member

    Is it self hypnosis that you are doing? Well done for getting to 10 days mate.
  11. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Went through a bit of a rough patch and lost motivation like two months ago. Since then I've been really focused on improving myself and now I'm seeing results.

    Just got offered a new job that I really wanted. Also doing freelance consulting work which may end up being pretty lucrative, lot of networking and side projects right now.

    I've been eating well and getting into decent shape. Toning up. Haven't gone on dates recently but getting some really good vibes from a girl that I think could lead to something.

    Haven't been PMO'ing or MO'ing much. Just here and there. I spend little time thinking about it one way or the other. I've just been really focused on personal growth and starting to hit a stride.

    In terms of income, success with women, health and reducing MO frequency - this will be my best year yet. I can feel it.
  12. Awesome update, t.

    Keep on moving forward. :)
  13. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Damn, I haven't updated this thing in a while.

    New job is going well. Been there over 3 months now. t's pretty stressful at times - but the pay is good and I like it.

    Just started a week or two ago on a mood upswing. Exercising a lot more now that the weather is better. I've been doing yoga, cardio, and light weights. Just did a nice little yoga session this morning. I signed up for a martial arts class too. I suck at it - but I'm happy just to go there and learn and break a sweat. If I can keep this up, by say early/mid July I will be TONED and in the best shape of my life - but I don't want to get ahead of myself.

    Sorta half way there with dating. I've had like 3-4 situations recently where a REALLY attractive girl was acting interested (texting me a lot, flirting, some sexual innuendo, strong body language, strong eye contact) and I see them or hang out with them once or twice and it just stalls. Either there's some guy in the picture - one of the girls I "hung out" with had a boyfriend, or I get nervous, or they go cold.

    I dunno. On one hand I like the attention and feel I'll get there soon enough. Not a matter of if but when. On the other hand I'm fucking frustrated as hell. HOT girls WANT to talk to me/ see me and I just hesitate in one way or another - the whole thing turns into a mind fuck for me. I think I still have some fear of intimacy/ letting people in, but I'm working on it. Plus it seems a few of the girls I've been talking to have their own issues.

    On the PMO front -more good days than bad. I haven't masturbated in 10 days, though I did go to the massage parlor for sex last Sunday. I climaxed twice. If I can keep myself around 5-6 orgasms a month, I feel that puts me in a good place. I've been doing some research on chinese medicine theory and they say a man in his 30's (I just turned 30) should orgasm every four days at most. That sounds workable to me, though if I can push that four days to say 6-7, even better.

    We'll see. I'm no longer going into this with any crazy expectations - just trying to make myself a better person every day. I feel good overall. I definitely don't feel 30 - a girl I was on a date with last night told me I look 23/24. That's how I feel too. I've had a decent amount of energy lately - just need to focus it into exercise and overall positivity. The better I do at work, the cleaner my room is, the more I work out, the more dates I go on, the more money I make, the less I jack off - there is no finish line - just constant adaptation and growth.
  14. rabbit.

    rabbit. Member

    This is almost too much moderation, what is going on? ;D.
    From all that Chinese philosophy on sex, my takeaway is that it's vital to take breaks, either regularly like a couple of days per week, or occasional longer periods of abstinence like one month a year or something. Not just for physical, but maybe even moreso for mental recovery.

    You definitely don't sound like the typical 30-year old. You are not set in your ways, you are trying out new things and have a good outlook in general. Looking good my friend!
  15. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Heh heh. You're right.

    Yea, ever since I turned 30 I've realized I need to pull myself out of my comfort zone. The time is now. I'm just not doing enough to advance myself, especially with sex and dating. I do think, in the short term & probably the long term too, the less I masturbate - the better.

    Now this doesn't mean I'm never masturbating or watching porn again. But I need to cut back because I'm too timid around women most of the time. I'm confident and fun, and hot girls talk to me often, but I'm too timid in terms of making a move and getting physical. I know this is a comfort zone thing and definitely ties back to orgasm frequency/ self pleasure (and other factors too).

    I haven't O'd in 8 days 21 hours which is my 2nd longest orgasm run ever. If I can make it to Thursday at 3pm I'll be at 11+ days and it will be my longest no orgasm run ever.

    I felt like masturbating yesterday but I just sat with my feelings and let it be. It's all about escapism, fantasy, etc. I wanted to go to the massage parlor or jump on a web cam too and that's all about self validation but it's artificial. The more I realize this, the less tempted I am. Do I need the cookie right now or can it wait? It can wait.

    I've been doing yoga and stretching and it is really helping me feel good and stay focused. I'm also just trying my best and taking it one day at a time.
  16. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Great mindset Tsmith !
  17. rabbit.

    rabbit. Member

    You are on the right track in regards to masturbation.

    I've recommended to you to go beyond the two week mark of no orgasm at least one time. For me, I've always noticed feeling a lot better after 11-14 days. I started a thread on this years ago and several people had also noticed some kind of second withdrawal phase around that mark (beyond the first few days where everyone has some kind of withdrawal symptoms). So I am interested in hearing how you'll fare.

    You are also right that orgasming by yourself frequently reduces your sexual aggression (contrary to the stupid belief that it will make you turn into a prepubescent child), so this is another reason to reduce MO.

    My personal is to completely eliminate frustration faps, with or without porn. This is pure escapism and I always feel worse off afterwards. If I should then be really horny and masturbate occasionally, it's ok (for now; don't put me in the moderation camp just yet ;D).

    I like yoga too, but I've found it impossible to do it without a goal-focused mindset and then it turned into just another venue of self-optimization (perfect alignment of my joints and muscles and perfect posture, specifically). I still do some poses occasionally though.
  18. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Just MO'd.

    Made it 10 days 11 hours. Nearly beat my longest no orgasm run ever which is 11 days 3 hours.

    I didn't use porn or anything visual. I barely even fantasized. Just a quick release and done.

    Frustrated I didn't beat my personal record but happy I made it ten days. Now that I've had a release I'm pretty confident I can go another 10 days (and hopefully keep building on this).

    My main temptation was to go to the massage parlor. Other than that, porn and camming wasn't really pulling me in that much. Not that I didn't think about it, I was just able to let it pass easily enough. Felt like the massage parlor was calling my name though.

    I was trying to get a date for Friday but got shot down. If I had that motivation I'm sure I could have abstained at least another two days. Sucks but it is what it is.

    I caved tonight because I just couldnt sleep. I tried listening to a meditation podcast but the lady just kept talking so I got annoyed and said fuck it.

    I actually felt really alpha today so I'm doing something right I guess. If I can stay at an orgasm every ten days or so I'd be happy. Also felt very focused and calm today. Still do.

    Going to just stay focused and keep working on my self control which is better than it's ever been. I haven't had a ten day run in two years so this is a nice little win for me. Like I said in my last post; more yoga, less masturbating.

    No chaser affect, not going to shame myself or feel bad. Nose back to the grindstone. See you all in ten days.
  19. Chammorrow

    Chammorrow Member

    Nice to see you are doing well, and keeping yourself challenged. Keep grinding friend!
  20. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Had a crazy month.

    Started off with a PMO binge or two.

    Then went on my longest no O run ever by a few hours. Made it 11 days, 20 hours or so, then went to the massage parlor. I didn't have any PMO or MO urges, really just wanted to get a happy ending. It was a nice run overall, I felt good.

    Like a day later I ended up getting drunk and hooking up with a female friend from college. It was really late at night (like 5 am), we messed around and tried having sex. I couldn't get hard. I'm thinking is a combination of having orgasmed the day before, being really drunk/ tired, and being a little bit nervous. I'm not really concerned because I got hard and basically came buckets at the massage parlor. My dick might not work 100% of the time, but it works.

    This is the first hook-up I've had in a while so its a nice confidence booster. There are a few girls I'm digging, especially one at work, so this will hopefully help me push things forward with other women. I think I'll hook up with this girl again, she seems like she wants to.

    Would be interested in your guys feedback.

    I've tried something new lately that has really helped me urges. The last two months have been my lowest orgasm totals ever, and also back to back 10+ day runs (this doesn't happen often for me). I'll explain what I've been doing and how it helps in my next post...

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