Dopamine Wars

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by tsmith1302, Sep 27, 2012.

  1. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Hello Everybody,

    Most of you know me by now as I'm a fairly regular contributor to this board.

    I started my first reboot on July 2nd and it was a crazy ride. My goal was 45 days and I reached 58 before a relapse. Also... *drum roll please* during my reboot I lost my virginity at the ripe old age of 26 [and for a first-timer the sex wasn't too shabby :)]

    Here is my original reboot journal if anybody wants to read it: http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=1367.0

    Sadly since then, I fell off the wagon a bit. After losing my v-card it felt like I had accomplished what I set out to do. But of course, that's only one milestone among what should be many. I am NOT cured and finally having sex with a girl is not an excuse to pat myself on the back with porn use or excessive masturbation.

    Rather than revive my old journal: I wanted to start fresh with new goals while also outlining some new challenges.

    New Rules

    1. No Porn>Masturbation>Orgasm for 90 Days. Pornography includes ChatRoulette and I am no longer using separate counters.
    2. Minimum 3 days between M'ing (tapering off)
    3. Maximum M'ing twice per week - NO BINGES OR REPEAT SESSIONS (tapering off)
    4. NO Visual Stimulation of any kind while M'ing
    5. NO "Peaking" or Idle Browsing at Adult Material
    6. NO Porn or Chat Roulette related fantasies

    New Goals

    1. Go To The Gym Minimum 3x Per Week
    2. Hypnosis Minimum 4x Nights Per Week
    3. Learn Harmonica 2+ Hours Per Week
    4. Reading Books 2+ Hours Per Week

    New Challenges

    1. Harnessing my sexuality. After losing my v-card, hormones are raging to the point where everything is an M trigger. Just because a woman smiles at me does not mean I have to start fantasizing and eventually M'ing. Potential triggers need to become fuel to the fire, not a means of extinguish it. I also have to become comfortable with the idea that eventually I will go 1-2 weeks without a sexual release and it will be to my benefit.

    2. Getting over the ones that don't matter. There's a girl I've been talking to for a while now. We'll date casually and I always tend to drop the ball when she shows interest. The same cycle happened recently, as we went on a date ironically 2 days before I lost my virginity to somebody else. Instead of CELEBRATING that I'm no longer a virgin I've been BEATING MYSELF UP for not getting anywhere with the other girl. Then, I tend to use porn or masturbation as a crutch to help not think about her so much. Until she either stops playing games or proves herself as somebody worthy of my time I am done perusing her.

    3. Weekend Boredom My relapses happen most often on the weekend when I am bored. This idle time will now be used more effectively; specifically by going to the gym, reading, doing hypnosis, self-improvement exercises or learning a new skill.

    I will write a brief update in this journal every day and adjust my counter accordingly.

    Totals so far:

    P:0 Days MO:0 Days
     
  2. Pedigree

    Pedigree Active Member

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    Good luck, tsmith. This time, let's synchronize our successes instead of our relapse.
     
  3. Nickolas Duval

    Nickolas Duval Rebooted!

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    Hi tsmith1302,

    I would like to wish you good luck with your challenge!
    It should help that you know already that you are capable of resisting PMO for 58 days and that you have already whitnessed some positive effects (losing virginity :) ).

    Aren't you afraid that you set too much rules for yourself and that you will find it harder to devide your focus over a lot of things instead of one? I think that braking one rule will result in a higher chance of braking more rules. Just my two cents :)
    What do you think about this?

    Gr. Nick
     
  4. damotaran

    damotaran New Member

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    Good luck mate, hope the new attempt is successful. The exercise goals will be a big help, and aiming to learn the harmonica is awesome! Hopefully by the end of 90 days you can play a few awesome tunes for us!
     
  5. Laurynas

    Laurynas 300 Days+ Experienced.

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    Is a mere thought as same as a fantasy? If yes - then you'll be screwed with rule nr. 6 within 3 days.
     
  6. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    Day 1 - Easy enough. No urges.

    Day 2- Found myself in a depressed mood. Normally I would have self-medicated with PMO. I went to the mall with my friend and saw Looper. Good times. Couldn't sleep when I got back - tried a natural sleep aide (valerian) but it didn't do much. Eventually I M'ed which did the trick. Not thrilled, but M'ing once in two days for me is still tapering off.

    Totals so far:

    P:2 Days MO:0 Days


    Day 3- (today) Morning is off to a good start. Ate a healthy breakfast and volunteered this morning at the cat adoption center. As long as I don't M today, I feel like I'm on the right track.
     
  7. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    I totally agree with where you're coming from. The problem with my last reboot was I didn't have enough rules. I started binge masturbating which eventually lead me back to a relapse. So my approach now is to have some rules guidelines to prevent me from over M'ing and falling back down the slippery slope.

    But again, what you're saying makes alot of sense. Too many rules can be a problem just like not enough rules can be a problem. Tapering off masturbation has been my biggest hurdle really.

    I meant it as fantasizing while M'ing. Even that will be tough to follow though, I know. I'm just trying to aim high on this reboot, because last time I didn't aim high enough.
     
  8. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    Day 3 and 4

    Was in a serious funk on Saturday. Turns out the girl I like (she's been my "oneitis" for a while now) might be seeing another guy.

    (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=oneitis)

    Even if they aren't together, she's not interested in me regardless. Our date went pretty well last month, but I dropped the ball somewhere afterwards and I need to accept that. We've dated casually many times in the past, she is attracted to me but self-doubt always ends up defeating my chances.

    If I can over this girl - really truly forget about her (for now at least) - I will be able to move onto new women, new hook-ups etc, and perhaps snap out of this PMO addiction as well.

    Back to my reboot - I was completely miserable Saturday. Decided to go to the massage parlor - got a Happy Ending as expected but still left feeling very empty and sad. So that reset my O counter. I tried not masturbating for the rest of the night, but I had taken some Horny Goat Weed & Maca and M'd to relief my stress levels. In other words, had to chalk up Saturday as a loss. Still managed to avoid porn though.

    Yesterday was a better day. Flatlined pretty sharply which I'm totally fine with. Realized the importance of moving on from this girl, accepting she's going to date/ hook-up with other guys, going back to bettering myself (ie. gym, reboot) and patting myself on the back for losing V-card recently to another girl.

    Just gotta move forward and make myself a better & more attractive person.

    Totals so far:

    P: 4 Days
    MO: 1 Day
     
  9. damotaran

    damotaran New Member

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    Sounds like a rough few days mate. I think that the effort required to give up PMO is huge, especially in the first few days. I found my first few days to be completely unsettling and felt out of control at times. At the same time I was over stressing with my own romantic situation, but tried to hold judgement because I knew that mentally I was all over the place, so I wasn't sure what was the cause and what was the effect!

    Looking back, once I came out of those rough days 4,5 & 6 my stresses regarding the romantic situation dropped off massively. I'm feeling a hell of a lot better now, so who knows. There were def some things to be concerned about at the time, but my mental state completely blew them out of proportion.

    Obviously don't know your situation mate, but I'd try and give it a few more days until your hopefully over the worst. Things might look brighter! Either way, shouldn't change your commitment to the PMO goals, you've survived a really dark spot without hitting the Porn, so tap yourself on the back and keep on keeping on!
     
  10. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    I appreciate the kind words! Are you rebooting from porn & masturbation or just porn??

    For now masturbation is allowed in my reboot, although I have a counter for both and I'm TRYING to taper off the M'ing to something reasonable.
     
  11. damotaran

    damotaran New Member

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    Porn & Masturbation for me. For me, I'm at a point where I feel a total reboot is what's required. Looking back, I'm not happy with my frequency of either, so a period of abstinence I think is key. (Porn, I hope I'll never actually touch again) I want to be the one in control, not the one being controlled.
     
  12. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    More power to you man. Job well done! Do you have a journal??

    FWIW, I've been wanting to do a Porn & Masturbation reboot - but masturbation has been such a huge hurdle for me. Especially those brutal first few days.

    I'm flatlining at the moment, hoping I can ride this flatline into a few days without MO, and build on that.
     
  13. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    Not a whole lot to report yesterday. I'm definitely flatlining, which given my raging hormones the last few months actually makes me breath a sigh of relief. I intend to let myself flatline for as long as possible, whereas in the past I would M during flatline periods (works to "correct yourself" but immediately brings back P and M urges).

    I did hypnotherapy last night, one I found by Glenn Harrold for general addictions. I've already done hypnosis two nights this week and it seems to be helping me along well. I realize this reboot is more about abstaining from porn, its about changing my core habits and optimizing my approach to life.

    Totals so far:

    P: 5 Days
    MO: 2 Days
     
  14. damotaran

    damotaran New Member

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    Yeah mate I do, I've added the link into my signature.

    Interested to hear more about the Hypnosis you mentioned. What's involved?
     
  15. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    Good day yesterday. Definitely flatlining but it's allowing me to see things in a much more grounded way.

    Had a nice visit at my parents house. Ate a home cooked dinner and watched some TV with my mom. I actually teared up at the new Google commercial (the one that's making everybody cry, with the girl in college). I think that's a sign of some sort of emotional recovery in this process. I've heard folks say this before, without the constant drug of porn/ orgasm you start to feel more.

    I'm volunteering after work tonight, so I'll continue to keep busy. I've already done hypnosis twice this week, which puts me close to my target of 4 sessions per week. I've been slacking on the gym a bit, problem is exercising tends to amp up my libido. So I'm tempted not to go for another few days, just to let my flatline continue and try to get to a full week without MO (would be a first for me).

    Totals so far:

    P: 6 Days
    MO: 3 Days
     
  16. Pedigree

    Pedigree Active Member

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    Lol, you should've seen me when I'm watching the Dark Knight Rises and they made it out like Batman died.

    But I agree with your point. I'd also like to add it's like you get an emotional high from the world around you as well. Took my grandma to the bank the other week and felt a great sense of satisfaction at doing that. Ditto every single time I'm hanging around with friends. We human beings are designed to interact with each other, not to isolate ourselves and fap.
     
  17. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    10/3/12

    Had an up and down day. Started coming out of my flatline a bit. Had a few interactions with women my age (teller at the bank, nurse at the doctor's office) and I got the vibes they thought I was cute. Didn't bring on libido per se, just put a little pep in my step.

    I volunteered after work. Sadly it was more tiring than enjoyable. But I suppose that's the point of volunteering, I'm doing it to help people (or in this case, homeless cats) and not to have fun.

    After volunteering I made the mistake of eating a big dinner/ consuming cafiene before bed. Had trouble sleeping and was in a funk to boot (because my guy did pretty bad in the presidential debate.) Decided to M to help me fall asleep. Thankfully no chaser affect.

    Not thrilled I M'ed yesterday on day 4, because I was hoping to make it 7 days. Good news is I met my initials goal of 3 days between M'ing, and if I don't M again before Sunday I can reach my other goal of only M'ing twice per week.

    Totals so far:

    P:7 Days
    MO: 0 Days
     
  18. Pedigree

    Pedigree Active Member

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    As long as it's an improvement, even if it's one day, it's no biggie. Relapses aside, I've managed to increase the no MO amount from every 2-3 days to 7 days. Just Keep at it, tsmith.
     
  19. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    Surprise surprise, I was in another funk yesterday. Feeling lonely and particularily stressed out by my job. Also falling into the same pattern where I'm tossing and turning and masturbation is like the only thing that can put me to sleep.

    So my M counter is reset yet again, but I'm hoping to not M at all this weekend starting today (seems like a fair challenge) and a fun, constructive weekend would put me in a good place for next week too.

    Just taking this one day at a time.

    Totals so far:

    P: 8 Days
    MO: 0 Days
     
  20. damotaran

    damotaran New Member

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    It's not easy, especially when things you're feeling mentally vulnerable. They have been the times where I have come the closest to breaking my M abstinence. I found though the longer I've gone without, the less stressful everything else has been and the less powerful the urges become. It's like the lack of the dopamine boost, exposes the rawness of all your negative emotions. It's a nasty catch 22!

    At least you're still avoiding Porn though! That's the crucial factor, the rest as you said is one day at a time. Keep at it mate.
     

Share This Page