I'm known as the guy who has spent over 9 to 10 Gs on cybersex. I will be turning 27 in 2015. 2014 was depressing. Broke from spending it on porn/cams, still a virgin, working mostly every week since I had no money for vacation..since I spent it on cams. Here comes the new year and I just busted out crying driving home from work on Christmas morning. I was hoping the rain or a deer would take me out of my misery when driving. I'm just tired of being lonely, battling my OCD/anxiety on and off, being an introvert, and not knowing what I want: a relationship or someone just to get coffee with. The last seven years of my adulthood has been a waste thanks to my anxiety, started my first job just two years ago, and I'm still a virgin. I'm confused. I'm bitter. I'm upset. I'm scared as I head into my 30s, I won't think of the 90s anymore of my childhood, my dog will be dead by then, and I'm scared I still will be lonely or just dead due to suicide. I'm being legit this time. I have already decided a couple of days after Christmas no more porn or spending money on it. It's just this rut I'm stuck in. I WILL BE FUCKING 30 in three years and barely just started in the real world. I just hate how socially awkward I am and being deaf/hard ofhearing doesn't help it either. Sorry for the long read guys. I'm desperate for someone to talk to.