Don't Ever Give Up

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by SeekingWisdom, Mar 25, 2019.

  1. SeekingWisdom

    SeekingWisdom Member

    Nothing much to report. I was sick last week so was stuck at home most of the time. It wasn't much fun, but I was able to be productive during the day and get a few things done around the house.

    I wish I could say that at 90 days things magically got all better. But that has not been the case. I still have to fight off the urge to fantasize. I've realized that during my past long term reboot I was still using fantasy as a P-sub. Which was still giving my brain a type of dopamine high. I believe that has been the biggest difference between this reboot and the last. As well as being able to share with others my addiction. There is something to be said about getting it out in the open. Especially when it's something we have spent so much time hiding and are so ashamed of.

    One. Day. At. A. Time.
     
    Merton and Gilgamesh like this.
  2. SeekingWisdom

    SeekingWisdom Member

    I have not being having a good time. I have no idea where these cravings have come from. But I've been fighting urges to fantasize quite a bit lately. To top it off the cravings to play the games has returned. I know the games I was playing have been updated while I've been clean, and the thought of "new" content has been hanging over me. I don't remember it being this intense since I first started(read: relapsed). The difference was the I was expecting it then. Now that I'm 100 and whatever days out and I thought I'd be in a better place by now. No such luck. Just got to keep hoping that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel at some point. I've also had a crazy head ache all day today at work. It wasn't a stressful day or anything either. I don't know if it is my brain rewiring or what?

    On the positive side: I have more energy on a regular basis, except when I don't. When I'm feeling the laziest is when the urges are their strongest. But on the whole, I am much more productive and able to focus. I am much more comfortable in social situations and my 'wit' has returned somewhat. Also my eyes are much "brighter". I don't know how else to say it. Also my pupils seem to be dilated a lot. Either that or I just really like the improvements I see in the mirror! I haven't even been able to muster up the energy to start working out yet either.
     
    Merton likes this.
  3. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Maybe you came out of a flatline or something similar. The curiosity thoughts are the worst, I always lie to myself and say that I'm only going to take a look. It doesn't work like that. I even know deep down that looking is not all I'm going to do.

    Keep at it. Things will get better eventually, but it may take a long time. I know that that's not the greatest news, but I've always thought that patience is the key. If only I could live by my own advice...
     
    SeekingWisdom likes this.

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