Don't Count Days, Just Stay Off Porn & Masturbation

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by 40New30, Nov 26, 2013.

  1. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Re: 40 is the new 30...going for 150 to 200 days no PMO

    Well my little slip into PM with no O has wreaked havoc on my brain.

    This last week was brutal, I forgot how bad relapse sucks!

    Edging, P + M is definitely worse than O. My PMO record is intact,
    but I know I fucked up. Of course, I know what triggered it too, learning
    all the little triggers takes time.

    Amazing that O and chaser are still triggers for me. I've been clean for two stretches
    of absolutely no PMO for over 60 days. I have miles to go before I sleep...forward.

    I'm starting to believe that relapses to viewing P undo a lot of progress. It makes sense.
     
  2. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    Re: 40 is the new 30...going for 150 to 200 days no PMO

    Hi 40New30,
    I want to congrat you for a half year of fighting this addiction.
    These are the moments to think back before you stoped to put things in the right perspective and value the progress you made.
    All the best for the next six months.
    You have come so fare. You can do it.
    Libertad
     
  3. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Re: 40 is the new 30...going for 150 to 200 days no PMO

    Thanks, Lib, it's great to see you doing so well too! The fact is I've not been completely clean in the last several weeks, and I know it's hurt me. But, the good news is that getting back on the horse is so much easier. Little by little. For me this will be a life long battle, but I know that I'm winning and that it will get easier, I will always be tempted.
     
  4. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Re: 40 is the new 30...going for 150 to 200 days no PMO

    I truly understand why I was so unmotivated and depressed for so many years, PMO f@cking drains the crap out of you. It's utterly disturbing.

    So, as I said I haven't been completely clean and the effect on my mind has been staggering...at times I don't feel like doing anything, and my mind is so slow, it's like my mind is trying to work in a cloud of cotton candy.

    I feel like an absolute idiot, not sharp at all.

    My mini partial relapses also had the effect of bringing on brutal headaches, I need to be very extra vigilant for a while...and I will.
     
  5. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    Re: 40 is the new 30...going for 150 to 200 days no PMO

    Hi 40New30,
    dont beat yourself down. I think we can be proud that we dont give up the fight against this addiction. Maybe it´s time for setting yourself a fresh task or goal, a small step in the right direction? Dont let the feeling of guilt or shame coming between you and your goals. You are not an idiot, you are only addicted!
    Wish you the best.
    Libertad
     
  6. tk8888

    tk8888 New Member

    Re: 40 is the new 30...going for 150 to 200 days no PMO

    No kidding man! After relapses and binges, I usually need to work out and stay away from the computer for that next week to keep my head on straight!
     
  7. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Re: 40 is the new 30...going for 150 to 200 days no PMO

    Definitely. I was on vacation, so easy to stay away from the trusty laptop. Now, I'm back and it's time to stay on the straight and arrow, get back into a workout routine.
     
  8. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    Re: 40 is the new 30...going for 150 to 200 days no PMO

    Thanks for the suggestion of Micro Cosmic Orbit. I tried out one example from Youtube. I have been adding more meditation to my day during this period because I need to calm my mind and not act out on my MO urges. As far as the Micro Cosmic Orbit technique, I did fall asleep. I guess in one sense, I felt no urges while I was sleeping. ;) I'll definitely give it another try.

    Do you have any good youtube or other sources for this that you'd recommend?
     
  9. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Re: 40 is the new 30...going for 150 to 200 days no PMO

    You know, I have a few books that teach it here at home, but any source that teaches it online is probably fine. It's super simple, just work the energy around the body, up the spine and down the front. If you feel any blockages, I would hold your attention on those points and try to loosen them up with the chi. Don't give up if you don't feel much different, after a few months, you'll notice a lot of changes.
     
  10. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    Re: 40 is the new 30...going for 150 to 200 days no PMO

    thanks. I've given it a try a few times and done more reading. It does feel different than just ordinary mindfulness on breathing.
     
  11. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Re: 40 is the new 30...going for 150 to 200 days no PMO

    To update things, I'm feeling good. After a few porn peeks, and minor relapses I'm on the mend.

    You know what pulled me out of the depression I was feeling? Exercise + meditation. It's amazing how powerful the combination really is for me, I need it everyday to be my best self.

    I orgasmed with my GF last Saturday, which broke a pretty good streak I was having...fell back into depression for a few days. Sucks, but feeling better.

    I think I'm going to go back to taking a little bit of SSRI before having sex as insurance of not orgasming at all. Yep, got to in order to get to 90 days without O.

    Another random observation...I occasionally have restless legs syndrome which is associated with...drum roll...low dopamine.

    Anyway, if I get restless legs and then have sex within a short time frame, I can't help but orgasm. It's happened twice in the last 2 months, ruining streaks! Man, all this learning about myself is hard work, but it's invaluable information.

    One way to get rid of restless legs AND to get rid of PE...running. Works like a charm. So, I have another rule now...no sex that day unless I go for a run beforehand.

    It's like a puzzlebox coming together.

    It would be easier not to have sex, but that's not an option for me, I don't want to subject my GF and likely wife to be to three month's of no sex. That is my choice and I take full responsibility for it.

    I have not shared with her my addiction, and that is probably wrong, but I don't want to hurt her or make her think less of me (ego). It's cowardly perhaps, but it's working for me. I'm on the road to recovery, and this addiction is fading...why throw a wrench in the relationship now? Not gonna do it.
     
  12. tk8888

    tk8888 New Member

    Re: 40 is the new 30...going for 150 to 200 days no PMO

    Out of curiosity, why not try to have more sex with her? You seem to have held off of porn for a long while and have not PMO'd for a good portion of that time so wouldn't rewiring be the next step? If you had sex tomorrow, would you be able to or would you need more time to get over the refractory period?
     
  13. dannoj59

    dannoj59 Andy knows

    Re: 40 is the new 30...going for 150 to 200 days no PMO

    O with a GF seems to be a good thing. Why the depression? Do you associate it will the O? I ask that because it's been about 80 day since I had a O with my wife. We will be connecting soon. I'm a little nervous of the chaser effect, if that's what you attribute to the depression. I have relapsed more than once under similar situations. I agree with tk8888 about the rewiring, just a little nervous about it.

    Interesting take on restless legs. I get restless legs occasionally. I notice it is worse when I'm dehydrated. If I feel it coming on at night before bed, I drink at least 16 to 32 ounces of water and that usually does the trick for me. I'll have to try running.
     
  14. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Re: 40 is the new 30...going for 150 to 200 days no PMO

    I do plan on having more sex. But, I need more time with no orgasms.

    My no PMO counter is a good achievement BUT...I have looked at porn (pathways light up), masturbated to orgasm (pathways light up), and orgasmed with girlfriend (pathways light up), edged to porn (pathways REALLY light up).

    I have not been completely clean long enough, I've got years of unwiring to accomplish.

    I've never gone more than 60 days with orgasm, or more that 60 days without looking at porn or dating sites. That's not enough time for the unwiring to take place.

    My brain is extremely wired to porn and masturbation after years and years of wiring them together.

    I see so many guys missing the boat on Gary's science.

    It's about unwiring porn, masturbation pathways from the orgasm pathway. They have wired together over many, many years of use. That the insidious part of all this...a natural desire has become poisoned. Even a simple orgasm is poison until we have unwired and rewired.

    Every time we orgasm we fire the porn pathway, whether we look at porn or not. This needs to be drilled into everyone's skulls.

    Depression. Well, I have a family history, and when I'm not completely clean I go into a depression for a while (every time). That includes just an orgasm, looking at dating sites (I'm addicted to these too), peeking at porn, masturbating, edging.

    I've come a long way, but I realize the type of dedication it takes to truly get the brain healed. It takes a long time, for most of us.

    Hope that explains. I'm in a good place right now, and it's getting easier and easier to stay clean, but this is a long battle with much brain changes left to make.

    I recommend a longer than 90 day reboot for most of us. For me, I'm still climbing. My counter may seem a little misleading, I consider a relapse to PMO, a relapse to porn, masturbation and then orgasm all together. Perhaps I need to make it more specific?
     
  15. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Re: 40 is the new 30...going for 150 to 200 days no PMO

    Your points on orgasm are very interesting. I have been having an orgasm or two about once a week exclusively with my wife! This has been my way during this stretch of no porn or masturbation and on my previous long stretches. I always considered the intimacy with her and our physical connection even the orgasm as good positive re-wiring away from porn. But, I am also starting to question this? I mean , I certainly think the type of intimacy we enjoy together is the opposite of my selfish and compulsive habit of solo sex to images. I do see some issues regarding orgasm though. The orgasm is a very powerful hit of brain chemistry.

    Gary W. and his partner Marnia expound on non-orgasm focused intimacy. She has her own site reunting.info that discusses advantages to karezza (non-O) intimacy for a couple. It is interesting and my wife and I have tried it.

    It is great the you are really evaluating what you want your sexuality to consist of! Congratulations.
     
  16. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Re: 2 Year Battle, Many Lessons Learned, Ups, Downs, Cures, Relapses, Our Story

    Two of the younger guys on here that a lot of people read, Fugu and Gabe, both took many many months of no orgasms to get where they are today. 9 months at least.

    And, if you read Fugu's account, orgasms have still shot him back into flatline and depression after many months with no porn relapses. They continued to heal and continue to heal many months after starting their journeys.

    I've read accounts of guys getting healed in 60 to 90 days. Well, I've been to that mountaintop, sirs...and I felt healed too. But, an orgasm or a minor relapse booted me right off and down onto the cold ground.

    The brain changes that need to occur with people who got to this point (years of wiring to porn), are very stubborn.

    It is my opinion, and I believe it's a fact, that limiting orgasm for a long time after completely a full 90 (or more) reboot is critical to most of us unlinking the years of pathways to porn and self pleasure.

    I'm cool with it too, I'm freaking happy as hell that I found out what's wrong with me.

    For years I had no freaking idea I was an addict. I thought binging to porn and not being able to quit, and wasting that many hours was normal.

    Why wouldn't I? The establishment told me masturbation and porn were "normal".

    Wouldn't be the first time the establishment misled, in fact it's what they typically do. Addicts are easy to control, and drain of their money and power.

    When I'm completely clean my memory goes from 0 to sixty. I mean literally I go from no motivation and almost retardedness (post relapse) to remembering things from thirty years ago that I haven't remember in years within a month or two.

    Porn addiction damages the reward circuit which governs motivation, memory, and emotions.

    How scary is that?

    Basically we damage our entire will, our entire self esteem, our entire ability to feel anything.

    My personal political views are such that I believe that government and upper echelons of power know exactly what is going on with things like this, even orchestrate them.

    They don't want a capable, free thinking, emotional population. Because people like that don't take shit, they act, they are not slaves.

    Pornography addiction is nothing more than slavery.

    I'm doing everything I can to break the chains, not orgasming frequently after reboot is paramount. Will we recover orgasming once per week, every few days, definitely, but it will be much more slowly IN MOST CASES...definitely in mine.
     
  17. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Re: 40 is the new 30...going for 150 to 200 days no PMO

    I just noticed their are only 10,000 guys on here that have opened accounts. We are failing at getting the word out, don't you think? What can we do to get the word out? Or am I just way off.

    Millions of people are fucking themselves up unaware right now. This shit should be taught in every middle school.
     
  18. tk8888

    tk8888 New Member

    Re: 40 is the new 30...going for 150 to 200 days no PMO

    If it helps, no fap reddit has over 100k members!
     
  19. freefreefree90

    freefreefree90 New Member

    Re: 40 is the new 30...going for 150 to 200 days no PMO

    I think it will only get worse and worse too. Society seems to create a lot of isolation and loneliness but maybe ten or twenty years from now it'll actually be taken seriously. Science doesn't lie.
     
  20. Sidd

    Sidd Guest

    Re: 40 is the new 30...going for 150 to 200 days no PMO

    Hi,
    Read your journal. You are doing good and if you don't mind me saying I think that maybe you are a bit hard on yourself. Your take on O is interesting and I always think that each of us knows what is good for us. For me I am just trying to avoid PMO and for the first 90 days or so had no M or O but I find that having sex with my wife seems to connect up the dots that this is what I should be doing and experiencing the intimacy and vulnerability of that. On the times since + 90 When I have MO I think of my wife and it is good. Hasn't happened a lot maybe 3 or 4 times but it feels ok. Take it easy and keep moving on.
     

Share This Page