Dominatrix visit and my view on women***Trigger waring***

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Raymond, May 24, 2021.

  1. Raymond

    Raymond New Member

    My sexual activity concentrates on Femdom P and visiting Domme's.

    The lock-down in my country has almost come to an end and businesses, sexworkers etc. are able to re-open.
    In my country sexwork is legal.

    When sexwork was prohibited due to the lock-down I illegally contacted sexworkers to act on BDSM-sessions, somewhat this was traumatizing.
    If I go to a studio and book a Domms, the trauma afterward is less.

    I am 34 you have a depression, I am masochistic and possibly have an autism disorder.
    I am super jealous about all the young couples who just bought houses together, sometimes with young kids and completely happy with having 'vanilla' sex together.
    I also hate woman for having this power over me for feeling attracted to them and I think they want smart and successful men, but never admit this out loud.
    When I finished my degree and wore a suit to work, I got attention from women, but it made me hate women even more because they could not give me attention when I was 'down'.

    I tried BDSM-dating, but woman are not that attractive thus far and one was just angry because she has gotten cheated on in the past.

    I gained some weight during the lock-down and 'vanilla' dating is therefor really not an option.
    Colleagues friends and family really do not understand why I am still single, but I know exactly why.

    I love and hate my fetish at the same time.
     
    Last edited: May 27, 2021
  2. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    As harsh as it may sound, you will never get free from it with this attitude. You long for two things that can not coexist.

    I advice you to make a list. One for your fetish, and one what your life would look like if you were completely free from it.

    What would these look like? In the next year, the next 5 years, the next 10 years, the next 30 years, when you’re on your death bed, after you died.. these are important questions to ask yourself, whatever conclusion you come to.

    Write down all the pro’s and cons. And evaluate them. Then give them a score from 1 to 10 in terms of how important they are for you. This will help you make a decision.

    I hope you find the strength and realization you are worth it to be loved, cherished, and that your life is to be a beautiful celibration of all the good things in it. I hope you’ll find out that you were made for more than being abused and treated like less than human.

    All the best to you!
     
    Ashitaka, Raymond and Babylonier like this.
  3. Raymond

    Raymond New Member

    Thanks, you are completely right.

    I have gained weight during COVID and think I have no outlook on regular sex.
     
    Last edited: May 27, 2021
  4. Babylonier

    Babylonier Member

    Hi Raymond,

    I think maybe you can go to a specialized therapist? Where you can be open about you’re habits. You can set new goals. Never ever tell you’re self that you don’t have any outlook for what so ever. You and you only can change you’re habits and work on new goals. Everyday again. I don’t think it is necessary to share all the explicit details of what or who you are and what kind of nasty details you and we have. I think it is beter to share positive goals and share what kind of problems you get when you don’t act out with bad habits! Try it for a year? Post daily you’re daily routine maybe. When do you get triggered and what can you do to do something else than you’re old habits? Read about addiction, what it do’s with you’re hormones. Check out yourbrainonporn.com or go to SA-meetings. I did. It helped me allot. It helped me in the first weeks. If you want to turn you’re life up side down in a positive way! Go for it man! But please don’t share all the explicit details of you’re sex-life. Some people might get triggerd and that’s not why we are here for! I hope you understand!
    You have to change you’re attitude and maybe you will ever heal from this god forsaken addiction!
    I always told my self if you want something go get it! Work for it! Every day! Nothings comes just like that! Ones you get those new insights you know you can change and you even can save some money asswel! If you have autisme or other psycho shit. Everybody has some psycho things. Go for it man change you’re attitude and work for it!
    Be strong, god bless!
     
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  5. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Hey mate, as you already visited my journal, you know that we're in a similar situation. Wanted to say that you have my full support and I hope things turn out fine for you, whatever that means. Before I move forward with my opinions about some of the things you mentioned, I'll just ask you about your porn use? Are you using it regularly? Have you tried to see what happens if you give it up altogether? I noticed that I feel bad mentally after femdom porn binges but not so bad after MO to femdom fantasies. In fact, I feel quite OK.

    I'm on this forum for years and people on this forum will, in vast majority, be against this fetish (or in fact, any fetish) and will advise you to repress it but by doing so you will also repress your sexuality. But the question is, in the grand scheme of things, what difference does it make if behind the closed doors, you make BDSM sex with your significant one, rather than vanilla sex that doesn't even arouse you? I'm not very experienced myself but I think that the general strategy that is advised on this forum, which is to basically repress your sexual urges as long as they aren't vanilla isn't optimal.

    With that being said, all other areas of the life (professional, mental, health, finances, exercise, diet) should be treated properly no matter what kind of sex you're into.
     
    Newwaynewlife and Raymond like this.
  6. Raymond

    Raymond New Member

    Thanks, you are right.
    I just wanted to write this off me, as I was caring it with me for the last couple of months and felt alone with it.

    I just deleted the details.
     
    Babylonier likes this.
  7. Babylonier

    Babylonier Member

    I understand Raymond! No problem! Just take this moment as a moment to reset! Life not all P and that sort of things. There is a lot to go for. You just need to see this!
    Go for it!
     
  8. Raymond

    Raymond New Member

    I do not agree with supressing your fetish preferences as well, unlike some people on this forum claim.

    I noticed that if I take care of myself, like you said, it is easier to put things into perspective and be less depressed.
    Maybe I will still have some slip ups, but I can easier move on.

    But without P, about which women can you fantasize?

    Finding, dating and maintaining relationships with women are difficult I think, let alone do this with a Dominant women.
     
  9. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    I'll start with a disclaimer that I'm not super experienced with women. I'm rebooting for a long time though.

    That's true and if you're depressed, getting rid of the depression is #1 priority. I don't know if you can afford therapist or if healthcare covers that in your country but I'd go that route. I'm not depressed (was twice in the past, it's awful) but I'm visiting my 4th therapist now and it helps immensely with general mental health.

    In my humble opinion, taking care of yourself shouldn't be some kind of a bonus but an absolute fundamental. If you don't respect yourself, you can't expect others to respect you.

    Both attractive real life colleges and women that I still remember from porn/erotica. You didn't answer my question about porn usage btw. In my experience, porn usage (and I always used BDSM) changes my relationships with other people A LOT and the impact is negative. To the point that I basically can't function socially when I'm using.
     
  10. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    I beat this fetish addiction and Ill tell you how.

    Nope, thats not why. Your fetish is an escape hatch you use to avoid seeking out real women. Maybe its low self-esteem and thats why you make so many excuses not to approach women. In fact, your terrified of speaking to women. You are afraid of being rejected as if you are not enough for a woman.

    An example of this is as follows:
    Actually fat men do get women. I went out to the clubs and saw short, some fat super ugly dudes clean up meaning they got a lot of phone numbers and they set up dates with girls right in the club.

    I have so much motivation to talk to girls, and meet them and stuff that simply that mental objective was enough for me to no longer partake in this fetsih. heck, tonight, I have $300 with me and 5 dommes waiting at a house I could have sessioned with. I tried so hard to get interested. I did not. I wtched a lot of pon to get me riled up, ultimately I PMO'
    d and I dont want it even more now.
    Another trick I used to beat this fetish addiction was seeing sex escorts. I got verified and dropped like 500 on them ovr the course of 2 weeks and it really really helped because my brain was in tune to wanting real sex. You can do the same.

    TLDR: You can beat this fetish thing by being more active meeting women. You arent single cuz of the fetish, you are single and fetish addicted because you aren't active with women. You keep making excuses and fearing women. You can turn it around tho.
     
  11. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Let me add a few thoughts - and I insist to emphasize with all due respect.

    Could be fake phone #s (easier to have the annoying guy leave you alone this way); they might've been ghosted later, as far as dates set on the spot go. Or they could now be married to a woman 5 points above their looks and enjoying vanilla life, for all that we know. There are outliers, both men and women. But you will much rather find a fit guy with an overweight woman, than the other way around. (And I've been the "the other way around" guy - after marriage, so this doesn't really count. I was, for years, before losing the weight.)

    My point is, realistically, you never know - unless you followed up, personally, with them. Getting a phone #, setting up a date (where she could simply enjoy a good meal and then laugh all the way back home) does not mean "getting women".

    Another obvious question is what kind of women did they "get".

    From personal experience, a woman that really likes you will go out of her way to get you. That is pure, unadulterated attraction...I wish anyone would experience at least once in life. I am not a top-tier looking man...but have been both the fat guy and the lean one, and there's a world of difference. A young, attractive woman hitting on you (especially when she's not the easy type) feels amazing for mere mortals.
     
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2021
  12. MasterKrug

    MasterKrug New Member

    I just want to say that a lot of dating advice is BAD.

    I would suggest a great resource, if you're interested PM me and I can suggest my absolute favorite dating advice website for men that changed my life for the better.

    I do not want to post it publicly because of how polarizing dating advice can be. I promise you, this site has loads of grounded advice from experienced and knowledgeable men, and I have seen articles concerning the things you have been speaking about (how to address resentment towards women).
     

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