Doing it for real this time... or rather, not doing it

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by abettermousetrap, Sep 18, 2012.

  1. abettermousetrap

    abettermousetrap New Member

    After several rebooting attempts over the past year or so, with varying degrees of success and length, I have decided it would be a good idea to post on here to help myself really stick with it this time. After my first run of no P (for 2 months), I definitely got a taste of the superpowers; more confidence, "flow" through life, and natural attraction between me and girls, I was feeling really good one day, and had been smoking a lot of weed at the time, and thought a little porn could't hurt... so right back down the rabbit hole I went. I've had a few attempts since then and usually I feel pretty good after about a week, with a couple days of intense malaise.
    This is the first time I've really written anything about it, so I'm thinking this will help me really stay on track, me being able to read my thoughts along the way and go back to remind myself to stick with it. The worst part for me is the drop in libido that seems to happen while rebooting, everyone says this is a sign that it's working, but it feels like my sexuality gets amputated from my body or something...
    So for a little background, I am now 24 yrs old, I started masturbating at a very early age, as well as looking at porn videos, before I could even ejaculate (probably 10 years old or so) my family was one of the first to get an internet connection in one of the first small towns in Iowa to get internet access... damn progress! lol So throughout middle and high school I was very reluctant to talk to girls, even though I would still get turned on by seeing them. Starting some time around 6th grade, I was put on various medications, first for ADHD for a little while, and then for depression and bipolar, with eventually being prescribed bipolar and sleeping aid pills that I took every day throughout high school. I bet a lot of those symptoms were actually caused by excessive PMO looking back on it. I started smoking weed in senior year and smoked a lot until about 5 months ago when I quit (I had a few attempts at quitting weed before my recent successful one as well, mostly because I thought it was weed causing my low libido and inconsistent erections). I ran across the whole discussion of porn-induced ED on the internet last year sometime, and it was like reading about myself, I'm sure you guys had the same experience, many commonalities between all of our stories.
    I lost my virginity when I was 18, and actually shacked up with the girl for a few months after I moved away from home. Most of the time sex was pretty good, although oftentimes I would have to visualize porn in order to keep it up or get off... also the first time I had sex I faked my orgasm because I was so desensitized. I had a couple girlfriends after that, usually the sex was pretty good sometimes REALLY GOOD (especially when my computer broke... stupid me didn't make the connection), except there were cases of me not being able to get it up which really messed the relationship up, I was watching porn and didn't really know the effect it could have, and these incidents gave me a lot of insecurities.
    The last couple of girls I've been with, well sex just sucks now, and the relationship really can't work so I need to get better.
    One thing that really worries me is that my dick seems to be really beat up, I mean I've manhandled it, and put it through a lot of abuse, from no-lube jacking it multiple times a day, to doing PE (penis exercises; because I thought maybe they would help the problems I was having). I have some curvature (not debilitating) and what seem like popped blood vessels, and sometimes painful erections. Usually when I give it a chance to heal, if I go long enough a lot of the problems will resolve themselves, like my erections will be stronger, but there seems to be almost a band or a series of bands towards the base of it that are like underneath the skin, and prevent it from inflating all the way in that area, and when I've had sex with a girl, it's like i can't feel her vagina on the left side at the base, like no nerves or something? I'm very concerned about this and I want to fix it if possible.
    I really want to be able to put all these problems behind me and focus on playing music ( I play guitar, banjo, trumpet, accordion, and lots of other instruments), working out, and making money... and having good sex again! Thanks for the support, btw this is day one of my reboot
     
  2. abettermousetrap

    abettermousetrap New Member

    All right so feeling pretty good today, woke up and took a cold shower, did a bunch of pushups and squats throughout the day so my mind feels relaxed. It's probably a good idea to set a goal, so for my first goal, I'm going to go 2 weeks no P or M, if I happen to O in my sleep, I'll take that as a good sign, but I don't think that's ever happened before... is that fairly common for guys who have heavily masturbated from an early age? To not have ever had a wet dream? Or maybe I have and it just dried up before I awoke and I didn't remember it
     

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