Does pre cum count as a relapse???

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by The punisher, Apr 16, 2015.

  1. The punisher

    The punisher New Member

    Good afternoon. Earlier this morning when I was at at my college campus taking a class, then girl who was decently attractive just happened to sit by me. I've been on no fap for 16 days now. So were not talking with eachother or anything, but just that face she was sitting next to me and I could kinda feel her body heat ( not to sound creepy ) gave me an erection. I tried everything in my power to focus on the assignment but the thoughts and the sensation wouldn't go away. She wasn't wearing any revealing clothes, just sitting next to her caused this. Eventually a little bit of pre cum drippedout and I felt extremely terrible thinking I relapsed, I never made it this far before. I just came to my apartment, I didn't MO, or anything. Now penis is dead now. Is this a relapse right here because wasn't my dopamine being stimulated similar to porn. How can I avoid this in the future? Thanks guys.
  2. WP

    WP New Member

    Some things will be out of your control. At AA we used the serenity prayer: "God grant me the ability to change the things I can and accept the things that I can not change and the wisdom to know the difference".

    In my opinion this is NOT relapse. If you make the decision to go home, log on, use porn, then you've relapsed. If situations such as these concern you, try and insulate yourself from them. For instance, go sit by a couple of dudes instead of the cute girl. However, at some point something like this will likely happen again but doing what you did is the right course of action.

    Hope this helps,
  3. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    Nope. You're good.

    My advice? Next time talk to her lol :p Accompany rewiring with rebooting. It may give you motivation to keep going and help your mind and body realize that there is a natural and right way to get turned on. HOWEVER, if you're at a vulnerable stage then you're gonna need to abstain. That means not looking or engaging with anything that can serve as a trigger. Later in the process you can then go and take proactive rewiring techniques. Just experiment and listen to what your body's telling you.

    You did fine, actually, without engaging in MO or touching or anything you did more than fine! You were great! Good job for not allowing your body dictate what happens to you!
  4. The punisher

    The punisher New Member

    :D Thanks guys, now I feel like I can actually get somewhere with this reboot.
  5. jscotty

    jscotty New Member

    I agree with everything said so far.

    But.... isn't the whole point of this rebooting process is to get to a place where you're turned on by REAL women instead of porn? :)

    Relapse is when you get back in front of your computer, log on to a porn site, and fap until you rip your wanker out of the socket. All other real-life stimuli is within the boundaries.
  6. Augustines _Bro

    Augustines _Bro New Member


    At first blush, I tend to agree with the other gentlemen here. But I think my real answer is that it depends; in particular, it depends on how you define your own sobriety. And it depends on your your mind processed sitting next to this lady. I infer from your description that you got caught up in a sensory overload that overwhelmed you, and that you didn't consciously "encourage" your thoughts along that path. Even more notably, as jscotty noted, you didn't escalate your thoughts or your reaction when you got home, but rather you sought to settle them. Well done! Plus, just by asking for advice on a detail like this demonstrates your commitment to changing our life for the better. Kudos!

    As you spend more time in your recovery, your rewiring, your rebooting, you'll grow in self-awareness. WP alluded to this. You'll regularly encounter women who may have similar effects on you. As you gain awareness, how will you manage those effects? How will you manage the next sensory overload?

    Further, our healing and recovery depend not just on removing our negative, destructive behaviors, but developing positive ones to replace them. Different schools of thought around here: (1) reboot first, then rewire, or (2) rewire as you reboot. They're both right and neither is wrong. I suggest you give it some thought and consider which approach may work best for you. I like yearofchange's perspective to build something positive by talking with her. Even small talk interacting with her as a human being can help build positive neural pathways.

    Keep moving forward with this enthusiasm. I suspect you can already see positive changes in yourself. Make progress every day.

    I wish you peace.
  7. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    I grow calm and relaxed just by reading Augustine Bro's post. Such gentleness. So nice.

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