Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by APA, Oct 30, 2015.

  1. kira

    kira Member

    Hi Underdogg,

    Thank you, your posts have been very helpful and gives me hope that I can be at the same state as you are right now. In your first post you said you wanted to change badly? can you please elaborate on what was the reason that propelled you to make those hard choices that made your life better.

    The reason I am asking is because I have never been any more broken than what I am right now. The worse part about this is that I still have zero motivation to make changes in my life. I constantly day-dream and watch tv shows and feel guilty of wasting so much time at the end of the day, everyday. I have completely lost my confidence and anxiety has become my new friend.

    It is becoming very difficult for me to look myself in the mirror or tell myself that things will be fine. I don't think if I can even rely on myself anymore.

    thanks in advance.
  2. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member


    I know that you asked Underdogg but in my opinion you need to see psychologist asap. You seem to be in a very bad mental shape and I'd recommend finding a psychologist or talking to family members you trust. The latter has helped me in my worst moments.
  3. APA

    APA Member

    Aoa kira sorry for the late reply , Dont be sad . You would have to hit rock bottom to rise up again . I am living a good life now but at one point i was clinically depressed for seven months , Things do change in life . When the world says give up hope whisper give it another chance. I had two reboots in this forum first one was 450 + days and second one that is the current one which i am trying to take it to the point until i get married has almost reached 200 days . Before starting both reboots i hit rock bottom. Regret is a fire ,its a great force if directioned properly can do wonders.
    A key advice have clear goal for yourself where you want to reach, why you are doing this and how much pain this has caused you. Ask your self these question .
    Changing the environment helps a lot.
    ronkumar likes this.
  4. wojtekoxx

    wojtekoxx One-armed bandit

    I am perfectly sure that Insight should be gained from within, like from meditation, not from reading epiphany inducing paragraphs that are forgotten the next day. Just saying
  5. kira

    kira Member

    Thank Underdog. When I relapse, I am this negative self-hating person typing instead of me. When I exercise and meditate and do things which increases my self-esteem, that person suddenly disappears.

    You are right about the goal setting thing, I have been struggling with that a lot. I know what I want and who I want to be but can't really put that into words or a plan of action. Need to work on that.

    @wojtekoxx You are right about that. No one can tell me what I should do to make myself feel happy. Insight gain from within is far more valuable but sometimes it helps if we try to understand what worked for someone else and if we can apply that in our own lives.
  6. APA

    APA Member

    Its not easy to change behaviours and habits . It requires patience , a never give up attitude . Sometimes we get discouraged and our motivation level might drop in those moments . We need to remind ourselves at that time .
    WHY ? we are doing this .
    WHY ? we started this journey.
    WHAT ? will I gain from this effort.
    When we connect with our inner-selves the answers will be clear .
    These REASONS will act as a fuel that will light the fire under us and we will go up like a ROCKET. All that is required is a conscious clear decision and half of the victory is assured with that. GOD is with those who struggle and strive for the right path . GOD'S help will come for those who believe in him.This is all about watering the good habits and distancing us from the bad ones .I am really sad and heart broken because of the mistakes that i made that were porn or lust related . They are a source of pain for me.
    I cannot change the past. But all i can do is to make a conscious decision and NEVER RETURN TO IT, request others to stay away from it.In this way I think I can redeem myself.
  7. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Apa where are you?
    Pm me pls.
    I am in very much need of you
  8. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    You there APA?
  9. shattered

    shattered Member

    Maybe it would be helpful to others to go in to personal details. Most people feel that their situation is unique, but case studies can show that they are going through what a lot of other people go through. This has helped me.

    I'm also using frustrations and failures and deep deep pain to fuel my resurrection.
  10. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Apa where are you buddy?
    You seem so irregular.
  11. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 78

    The month of fasting shall be starting in the next couple of days. So i cannot go for walking anymore. I just pray to lord that i don't get weaker in this month. Indeed he takes care of his worshippers. I should manage to get sleep. Because I will anyhow be low on food. Best part is willingly i have to stay away from lust and the evil. Inshallah shall try my best.
    Last edited: May 23, 2018
  12. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Ohh sorry this is not my journal. Mistakenly i wrote it here.
  13. APA

    APA Member

    I am back after a long time and probably for the LAST TIME.
    This would be the concluding post of my journey here. I have a strange type of contentment in my heart while I am writing . I started visiting this site in late 2014 statred my journal on april 2015 . This website became a secret part of my life where i was documenting my life and struggles that probably people around me didn't knew. I was in my mid 20s . When I look back i am proud of myself ( All praise be to ALLAH) I made good progress and went for many months without pmo . I went to one of the peaks of my life when I was doing good physically , mentally and spiritually . Everything is documented I had great days and some relapses in this journey . I went through the bittersweet , stressed , happy ,exciting , sad , hopeless and hopefull moments . BUT IN THE END I AM FREEEEEEEE AND I WON with the HELP OF GOD.
    I am living a happy, healthy and content life with my wife. I was so far away from pmo and things like that i thought if i would return to write here ,This will remind me of my relapses and make me unhappy . Another thought in me was saying that I should finish what I started .I should give it a happy ending . I am very happy when I am writing here. GOOD BYE YBR.
  14. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Great to hear. Farewell!

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