It was a very difficult weekend. I was dishonest with my wife in throwing some of her older food away and then lying about it when she was looking for it. I had to work at rightfully apologizing to her while being so disappointed in myself that some of these unhealthy compulsions and behaviors are still my first response to stress and frustration. Thankfully I had some brothers I could reach out to, who could counsel me and remind me that I'm not a piece of shit, that lying to avoid confrontation in marriage actually happens and is not the end of the world if I'm willing to admit that I'm wrong and work on the roots of that. I'm proud and happy about my recovery from PMO, but I view my lying and dishonesty as remnant roots and symptoms that are ripe for me to address. That feels good, that I can do something about it all. I have to continue to forgive myself. My wife forgave me but said she is still hurt and these things awaken her distrust of me that was started by PMO use and MO. I have to leave that as her battles and issues to work with. I cannot be perfect, so there is room for her to do some work at how she forgives, trusts, and generously chooses to love me as her partner if in fact she still wants to remain my wife. That is freeing for me, and I've had to hear that from brothers here on this forum and friends in real life. I can only control and heal things on my side of the fence, and being healthy helps me to be available for whatever level of involvement and healing that my wife is capable of.