Do you think I have a problem?

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by joelski, Oct 28, 2013.

  1. joelski

    joelski New Member

    I am going through a divorce right now, and it's set to be finalized on Wednesday. In addition to my PMO addiction, I was caught having relationships online with girls, one of which was romantic in nature. I cut it off, but my wife still found out about it.

    Then after the separation I started chatting on an anxiety site because I have severe anxiety that's only been worse from the divorce. I honestly wasn't looking to start a new relationship but I met a girl who is incredibly pretty and really kind and compassionate. She knows a lot (but not all) of my issues, and she still really likes me. She thinks that I am her soul mate, and I think I might be hers. We clicked from the first minute we started talking.

    Well my ex somehow was able to get into the site and saw our chat conversation real time, and she berated me. Granted we aren't together any more so it's not really any of her business if I've found someone new. But she told me that I'm addicted to chatting with women online and that I have real problems and need to seek professional help etc. I don't know if that's just her being jealous or if I do really have a problem. I'm really conflicted right now.

    So in the meantime I told the girl I was talking to that I can't continue to talk to her right now and that we need a break (it's been only 2 weeks). I would really hate to lose a great relationship, but at this point I need to sort out my feelings.

    So what do you think? Am I wrong to pursue women online? Should I just take a long break to find out if I have a problem or not? Or is my ex just being controlling and/or jealous? I'd like honest feedback.
     
  2. whereibelong

    whereibelong Member

    From my own experience there's nothing wrong with meeting people online but its good to be careful not to fall for them until you meet in person. Chemistry is much different in person than online. Also be wary of someone who refers to you as their soul mate before meeting in person...for me, that is a red flag.

    But overall no, I do not believe there is anything wrong meeting people online. Its 2013 and people are very busy and travel a lot. Its become the norm and will continue to become more so.
     
  3. Stopper

    Stopper IT'S OVER!!!

    ''But she told me that I'm addicted to chatting with women online and that I have real problems and need to seek professional help etc.''

    We don't know the entire history behind your divorce and how many times this chatting with women problem occurred. Your wife may have said this out of hurt as well, mixed with the fact u did this several times.

    It is very sad you're gonna get a divorce, first of all. It's always sad to see 2 people split, who once decided to marry each other. So I'm sorry to hear this about your situation, but things happen, you made your decisions based on what you felt at the time. Your wife reacted to it and here you are.

    There's a reason you decided to contact those women, so you must have been missing something in your marriage.
    Whether you have a problem with chatting with women online or not, we don't know. We don't know the severity of your problem.

    What we do know, as a community, is that the internet is a luring subject. It is the perfect tool for narcissists. It is a perfect tool to create your own world and find answers to whatever is on your mind. Like porn, its an endless self-pleasuring tool.

    You may be over sensitive to chatting with women. It is very easy to create a (love)affair online because the only one really creating the reality of the relationship is you yourself, you can make up whatever dynamic you have with that woman and manipulate it to grow ''closer'' and closer to each other. It's pleasuring to both parties, even though it's on the internet and far less real than a marriage. On top of that it can become something secret which could give you a sense of pleasure.

    If your wife doesn't want you to chat with women and you do it anyways, it is wrong. If she doesn't know about it and you do it, that's wrong also since you're lying which can only result in more lying. You need to look at what's the reason you decided to chat with these women. What were you missing? Were you missing romance? It could be. Was it the novelty that excited you? It could be.

    Many times people in marriages forget to grow and work with the people in the marriage, once they're married. People tend to look at marriage as a final place. There; We're married. You need to always try to keep the romance alive so it stays exciting.

    Also to answer your question whether your wife is wrong or too jealous for giving criticism over your online chatting endeavors, put yourself in her shoes and see what you would think if she did the same thing behind your back. That should give you more of an understanding of why she felt that way.

    I suggest you look at the reasons why you decided to chat with these women online. It looks like the divorce with your wife is final and there's no real coming back from that. If you really want to approach this woman you've been chatting with more power to you. But what's gonna keep you from looking for the next online girl? I hope your situation will end up going great for you. Good luck.
     
  4. joelski

    joelski New Member

    My marriage was a rough one.
    My wife was overbearing and mean, and I didn't ever feel comfortable. But I do with this new girl. She didn't actually say she thought I was her souls mate but she kind of hinted at it and she said she never liked a guy as much as she likes me.

    When I told her that I need a break to sort things out she was actually ok with it and said that she's willing to wait for me and she knows that sometimes it's the tough things in life that are the most rewarding. I honestly thought she'd run away when I started telling her my problems but she didn't.

    In any case, I'm going to spend some time being celibate, focus on reading, doing hobbies and figure out what I want in life. If I feel like this girl should be in my life after that and she's still available I will try to work it out. If not, then I suppose it was not meant to be.
     
  5. joelski

    joelski New Member

    Also, my wife and I met online years ago in the almost exact same manner I met this girl.

    So it seems really hypocritical for her to sit in judgment of me for getting into a new relationship with someone after our relationship is over when she didn't have a problem with meeting people online when we met.
     
  6. flamingwind

    flamingwind Guest

    I don't think you should take a break from the girl you are chatting to personally. Unless you really think you need a break
     
  7. joelski

    joelski New Member

    I don't want to, I think she's great. She makes me incredibly happy. But my life is seriously f-ed up right now and I need some time alone to think things through.
    I can't decipher what's up and what's down.
    I think I need a couple more months without PMO and without chatting online before I decide on what to do with my relationship with her. She said she would wait for me, and I really hope she does because I really like her a lot.
     
  8. joelski

    joelski New Member

    So I told her I think I need to take a break, and she said she was ok with it and she wanted me to what's best for me. And then she asked if I made the decision because I didn't like her anymore, which is typical for many women to internalize like that. It broke my heart. I told her no, in fact I need some time so I can work through some of my feelings because I like her so much and I need to get my life in order first.

    I really like her, a lot. I know it's just an internet relationship. But she is insanely beautiful inside and out. I love talking to her. I love everything about her. I just hope that I can figure out what it is I need to figure out and that she will still be around when I do. She said she would wait for me as long as I needed. I just hope I didn't hurt her too much because I care for her deeply.
     

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