Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by newcool, Oct 10, 2021.

  1. newcool

    newcool New Member

    I am from Nigeria and i am 41 years old. I have been on and off this forum many times. sometimes i come here and i read threads and i wonder are we going to overcome this beast?

    I have been struggling with this for almost 15 years now. sometimes i feel or consider myself not being addicted because i don't watch porn or masturbate everyday or even every week. Sometimes i can for weeks without relapsing or even months.

    So about 3 weeks ago i started asking myself, do i really want to quit? i really want to stop this habit? or should i say I QUIT TRYING TO QUIT..I mean i quit trying to quit this habit. maybe i will never stop it...maybe i will continue to watch porn once in 2 months and masturbate and then continue to watch porn for like few days then i go on another 2 or 3 months break again.

    So we all know this thing yes there is a spirit behind it, if you are a Christian like me, you should know this habit is demonic....but again it has so much entered into us so much that we want it, we like it, the dopamine rush or what is it called, the desire is there. BUT again we need to exercise SELF CONTROL, SELF DETERMINATION.

    For me i usually know when the temptation starts coming, any slight thing will point me to porn, any slight thing will give me a keyword of what to search for on the internet and within 2 days i have started watching porn again and within another 2 days max i will masturbate, then after masturbating i will delete all downloaded videos , i will clear browsing history and delete all bookmarks and browsing history and then i will remain "clean" again for the next few weeks hoping when next the temptation comes that i will overcome and not fall for it.

    Right now, i have downloaded videos , i have bookmarked about 10 or more pages from twitter and some porn sites, i even have some pages on telegram app i can easily get porn from. so i ask myself again like am asking you, DO YOU REALLY WANT TO QUIT THIS THING, ARE YOU STRONG ENOUGH TO SAY NO WHEN THE TEMPTATION COMES, OR WE ALL JUST LIKE THE THOT OF THINKING I NEED TO QUIT, OR I WANT TO QUIT.

    Yes for me i feel the major side effects is that i lack the desire to want to achieve success....i am in so much debt financially, i have two kids and a loving wife . i have a job , i seem to be comfortable but you know as with life, you need to have a drive to want to achieve things, for me i lack that motivation and i feel its because of hours and years of porn watching and masturbating...and yes of course i pray and try to read bible but again i am not consistent with that...i guess thats another side effect for me, lack of consistency, lack of focus. I dont have erectile dysfunction or any such sexual problems due to porn. i have a wife that never denies me of sex, and does not demand i spend hours during the act.

    so again i ask myself, do i really want to end this, do i really want to overcome?

    if you are a Nigerian here, please send me a dm.

    Thank you for reading.
  2. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    newcool, thanks for posting this. You've probably noticed that there are not many people posting here. I've been here for 7+ years, and have seen many come and go. And then come back again. Yours is the question I would say most of us have asked ourselves when we let the addiction take over again: "Do I really want to quit?" We talk about all the good reasons to quit, and an important part of our selves really DOES want to quit. This life is hard, and dopamine hits can take the edge off sometimes. But the damage we do to our brains is real. This addiction is real. So, of course, part of us wants to quit and part of us doesn't. I remember many years ago looking for validation online that masturbating is normal and healthy. My wife at the time (we're divorced now) was very unhappy at discovering that my porn use had not gone away, and I had not yet realized how much viewing pictures/videos were integral with my masturbation habit. Separating the two is difficult after a lifetime of them being conjoined. One of the comments in the article I was reading basically said that our dicks are a gift for us to use to give ourselves pleasure. I got a kick out of that. Millions (or billions) have rejected that premise and come to the opposite conclusion: that the pleasures of the flesh are evil. I think they came to that conclusion because they realized what we also know: that there is a very serious downside to giving in to sexual temptation, at least when it is not healthy.

    So I guess what I'm saying is that it is a constant struggle because it's always there, staring us in the face. We don't have to go to magazine stores and video rental places anymore. The opportunity to fall into the addiction is always there. So we fight and fight and feel like failures when we lose the fight. But it is a fight worth having. I can tell you that I will never just give in and say I'm tired of quitting and I'm giving up. My usage has gone WAY down as a result of being here and realizing that, even though we are few on this site, there are probably many who check in and see themselves in our journeys. It's a personal choice each person must make. I want to quit more than I don't want to quit. So I will continue with trying. Because if nothing else, I'll be in a much better place than I was when I came here.
  3. badger

    badger Active Member

    i have been quitting for decades. on and off. before i didn't care. i gave myself permission, for whatever reason. somedays i have to fight it more than others. but first thing in the morning, i say to myself-another day i have been given. my choice what to do with it. do i want to live it in sin. in shame and embarrassment and guilt. or just for today i will be a decent person. my choice. i need to want it more than anything else in the world because if i don't stay away from PMO, everything else in my day and my life turns to shit. like the badger i will fight this until i die. hang on for just today. don't quit before the miracle.
    Libertad likes this.
  4. newcool

    newcool New Member

    Thank you very much....i am encouraged to want to tilt more to the side of me that wants to quit. yes i know its bad and yes i know the positive aspect of living PMO free is way more than the negative aspect.....yes thank you for giving the drive to want to quit again.
    Mozenjo likes this.
  5. newcool

    newcool New Member

    Thank you also for the encouragement. i eventually did not masturbate yesterday....due to the major fact that my kids were at home with me all through the was a sunday. if i was alone i knew i would have masturbated. i am going to delete all the browsing history and bookmarks now. i already deleted the videos i downloaded yesterday......lets take it a day at a time......
  6. breath

    breath Active Member

    I have quit. I'm not religious... but respect to you and yours man...I'm staying here to inspire others and strengthen my convictions . I joined in 2005. I relapsed many times although I never described myself as having quit until now. Maybe if I was religious that would have helped me I don't know, although feeling guilty or bad about myself never helped me.. What changed is that I had (and am still having) some very tragic things in my life happen, things that needed strength and courage to overcome. If I was religious and believed that I was going to burn in hell for ever for PMO perhaps that would make me stop., I don't know. I realized that this stands in the way of me being happy, confident and proud and even sexually happy (but the sexual happiness part is more do to those first things I mention. What changed? It feels like do or die now... I know it is not REALLY do or die, but if I want the part of myself that has courage, will and the ability to pursue and achieve long term goals I have to stop PMO. The hardest part is the work in life I have to put in everyday - not unresisting the urge to PMO but in putting in the work on the things that ARE my actual goals... Quitting PMO was secondary. This is not me telling you what I think you should do, or what I think you should want to do because, well, we are all different. I found something that was I higher goal... It is like I imagine I was an athlete competing to be the best that I could be.... except maybe I never had that goal. I recently achieved anM.A. in my field and am now wanting a PhD... After that i'll still have goals. It is the goals outside of porn that helped me quit this.. I have not quit masturbation, because I personally have no reason to as I see it. Only masturbating to porn is what I have stopped/quit. I have reduced the frequency of masturbation because too much makes me weak willed and tired and lose mental edge toughness and I score lower on on tests... I will -repost this on my own thread as it is my personal diary..... life is tough, I finally am embracing how tough it is, and I like the challenge now before I just wished the challenges would go away, now the tough challenges in life are an inspiration to live a life of achieving my best. Stopping porn was important.. If athletes can set goals which require sacrificing, desisting etc, and act on achieving those goals so can I can I. If there is truly a will, therein lies the way.
    newcool and Mozenjo like this.
  7. newcool

    newcool New Member

    This is deep and a really serious talk. thank you sir for sharing your experience so far, i will look for your thread and go read again. you made a lot of good points here which i can use. really many punch lines for me , one of them is where you said this " The hardest part is the work in life I have to put in everyday - not unresisting the urge to PMO but in putting in the work on the things that ARE my actual goals... Quitting PMO was secondary." Really i need to have a higher goal a higher or stronger vision or something am pursuing that will make quitting porn a secondary goal... thank you once again. i look forward to reading more from you.

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