Ditching the drug (weed) I've depended on sexually all my life, v depressed

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by billrizzer, Apr 5, 2014.

  1. billrizzer

    billrizzer New Member

    Hey guys. Firstly thanks for reading, I really appreciate any fellowship and support.

    I am 33. My issue is regarding sex and marijuana. I have had porn induced ED, then later PE, since forever. I had to be high to lose my virginity, and for any fulfilling, long last sex since then. Weed gives me a raging hard on, long, satisfying sex, and the ability to go again about a half hour later.

    The problem is, I have developed a deep dependency on weed for sex. Without it I have no sexual confidence and never have.

    Most of my girlfriends haven't really smoked pot, but last year I entered into a (shamefully) sex based relationship with another depressed pothead. I think we had sex sober all of 5 times (initiated by me out of guilt). This relationship brought my psychological link between sex and lot to a new level. It was incredibly fun, but was all we had, and she eventually broke up with me in December. My life has turned into a living hell, and although I am mostly over this chick now, I am in a deep depression and seem to have psychologically fucked up my dick to an extreme level.

    Even though weed has NEVER failed me for sex, i had recentlyish noticed a lack of morning erections, weaker erections when sober, and lasting maybe 2 minutes sober. I don't want to be dependant on weed for my next relationship, instead longing for a deep connection and real intimacy. I want my dick to be healthy on its own. I have ALSO dropped porn after finding yourbrainonporn.com, and realizing that this was me in my 20s. It is not going well at all. I don't know if I misdiagnosed my problem being more about porn induced ED then weed dependency, but I recently relapsed (porn wise) after 80 days of no porn, and my dick seems to be traumatized now. It is still sore from jacking off sober to porn 4 days ago. Feels numb/warm/exhausted, like when being on SSRI's. Am I back to square one? I am also very depressed and clearly need to be on anti depressants, but feel like I will hit full castration if i go on SSRI's.

    Weed has been my wonder drug all my life when it comes to sex, but I have always suspected that my brain is conditioned to need the extra dopamine for sex, and that it eventually may cause impotence. I feel like my best sex in the past. Can anyone relate to having this extreme psychological link between weed and sex? I want to be present and confident for sex sober but am incredibly scared
  2. Gruznbyrg

    Gruznbyrg New Member

    I spent a decade, starting at a pretty young age, smoking weed most every day and masturbating to pornography (not always at the same time). I have PIED and have wondered how much the weed has contributed by jacking up my dopamine levels.

    However for me, weed was never a guarantee of successful sex. While I had some amazing sex while high, I don't think it ever helped me have a good erection and sometimes I'd be paranoid.

    So I can't exactly relate, except that I too think that smoking weed (in my case combined with porn) has damaged my sexuality.

    You are most definitely not back to square one. If nothing else you've learned how to go 80 days without porn. You're learning new patterns. It's not realistic for the vast majority to think that they will never relapse in the beginning of their recovery. Relapsing and dealing with it is part of the recovery. I know that really you're asking whether you're back to square one in terms of regaining your sexual health, but I don't think that's the best question to ask. Anyways, no one can give a definitive answer to that question, only their subjective experience.

    I only wanted to comment to offer my support and say that I'm sure that any dependency you have on weed can be unlearned and that new ways of being can be learned.

    Good luck and keep working at it. There are a lot of good resources on this forum (Search for old threads if you have questions. There's a lot of good discussion that's been had.) and on yourbrainonporn.com
  3. billrizzer

    billrizzer New Member

    Thanks for the reassurance regarding not being back to square one gruznbyrg.

    Another complication is... my family is pushing me hard to go on SSRI's, probably cipralex. I know that I need to be on them, having both ongoing and situational (the breakup + now this dick stuff). However I have been on Paxil and effexor before and am terrified about the effects they are going to have on my recovery.

    It is still surreal how I went from a lush, incredibly satisfying sex life 4 months ago, to this. I never would have imagined this stuff and in a way I feel like just reading everything has convinced me into having problems I didn't even for sure have - I haven't been hooked on porn for a long time.
  4. Gruznbyrg

    Gruznbyrg New Member

    One alternative is Wellbutrin (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bupropion) I took it briefly for smoking cessation (Zyban), but I was also wanting to see if it would improve my mood. I didn't like the slightly speedy feeling it gave me so I stopped taking it, but it seems like it's worth a shot if you want an anti-depressant that doesn't kill your libido and energy. It does have a mild effect on dopamine which I guess you might want to avoid because you're trying to reset your dopamine receptors/tolerance. On the other hand it could cushion the withdrawal. Just a thought.

    I can relate. I'm not 100% sold on PIED either. I always had ED problems with new partners and then usually it'd get better at least for a while, then I'd get bored and it would come back. Or it would be unpredictable. I always just figured it was nerves. I'm an anxious person. What I know is that my porn use did escalate in genres over time. I had intrusive thoughts about it. I didn't feel good about what I was watching and I found it very hard to stop (After two years of trying I've now managed to go 4 months without and feel great about it, but I can't guarantee I'm never relapse). So even if I never become a stud and if it's always touchy with new partners and I never become someone who can just bring people home from bars I still think it's worth it.

    The first 45 days of this last stretch I didn't masturbate and at the end of it I was feeling really outgoing which is unlike me. I then started masturbating occasionally to sensation with a mind to retrain myself. I now think that that was a mistake and the past while I've been meaning to not masturbate to try to get that outgoing feeling back, but I've found it difficult. I don't know whether you've been masturbating, but I think most people here find it best not to.
  5. whiterayn

    whiterayn New Member

    Hi i thought i would check out some journals of people who are starting this at a similar time to me. Your story is quite similar to mine. I quit weed about a month before starting this no pmo journey. Think back to before you smoked weed. I bet you had no trouble getting aroused back then. It's like anything addictive that you rely on in that when you do not have it, you naturally get a raised level of anxiety. The anxiety will only fade after a sustained period of no weed, I learned this last year when I quit for many months I got a better job and just started being so much happier to go out and be around people. Although I started again last summer, I quit again now because I realised that I was just using it to numb myself from the pain of past break ups and if I was ever going to learn how to deal with negative emotions properly in order to have mature relationships I would have to learn how to do it sober.

    If you had never smoked weed before your first time, you would probably have been fine and not felt the urge to rely on it. Weed can alter your sensitivity which can teach you so much about your body and your sexuality, but once you have learnt the lessons, you should be able to use them in sober sex sessions. Think positively, apparently weed can keep your brain plasticity high, so you may be even more able to reboot to more positive sexual situations. Do what you can to get your family to help you through the first few weeks of not smoking, without going onto ssri's, and from there things will get easier. You did great to get to 80 days so you should be hugely proud of that, good luck
  6. billrizzer

    billrizzer New Member

    Actually I had the PIED for all my sexual experiences from 19-24, until I accidentally found out about weed curing it, and used that bandaid ever since. Weed is now the problem (or lack thereof), not porn- I made it to 80 days no porn easily. I only looked at porn because jacking off was so boring without it and I thought I was 'cured', after having a boner cuddling/kissing with 2 girls sober around day 65.

    But looking at porn at day 80 kicked the shit out of my dick somehow, I couldn't believe the intensity of what I was seeing. It didn't cause a bender, it was just plain traumatizing, which is so weird. I'm still recovering 6 days later.

    I'm excited to be off weed for 2 weeks now and hope it will speed up this next reboot, just scared of this weird fucking damage that I've done, as I've never experienced it before.

    Anyone else experienced this reaction after relapsing?
  7. whiterayn

    whiterayn New Member

    the first couple of weeks are the toughest mate so you are doing really well so far. just remember to replace your time spent on addictions with something more positive.

    you could choose to see the problems after your relapse as a positive sign. it is like your body is now aware of the problems porn has caused in the past, and is going into shock to prevent you from doing it again. i had a similar reaction when i first relapsed after trying to quit porn a couple of months ago. this is before i knew about the flatline symptoms so was very worrying and eventually sent me here which has massively calmed me down. 6 days is a good restart, it's about where i am at too. all the best
  8. billrizzer

    billrizzer New Member

    Thanks brother. I agree it is a positive sign - now I know what the consequences are of relapsing. It is still unclear if I'm back to square one or what. What is absolutely clear, is that I need to not worry about what is going on with my body, and focus on taking control of my mind. Because otherwise, what is going to happen is I am going to fear the idea of sexual release altogether. I am so hard on myself and need to just let this process flow naturally and have faith.

    I actually told a concurrent support group about this stuff today (in more vague terms but they got the drift), just to say it out low and hopefully take the intensity/edge off. Going to another men's support group for depression on Tuesday hehe. It helps you not focus on your own problems as much, I find

    Let's have each other's backs man, it's cool that we're in similar spots. Maybe this is flatlining, I'm not sure, I just know I can't worry about it.

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