Dilem's Revolution

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by Dilem, Feb 27, 2012.

  1. Dilem

    Dilem New Member

    Day 31

    over half way of my curent goal of 60 days without PMO.

    i'm going to start posting my questions on the porn and porn/ED forums of this site since i don't seem to get a lot of responce to questions i pose in here.

    nothing much else to say at the moment. i'm horny as hell, been like that for the past 2 days. just have to hang in there and wait till it passes i guess
     
  2. hosea

    hosea New Member

    Congratulations on hitting the month mark, and thanks for posting. Being able to watch your steady progress is encouraging.
     
  3. Dilem

    Dilem New Member

    @hosea: I'm glad to be inspiring !!
     
  4. Dilem

    Dilem New Member

    Day 33

    Here with another update.

    I woke up with a raging boner this morning and horny as hell. don't know where this came from all of a sudden but i liked it. in the car on my way to work i had a random fantasy (about my ex and a friend of hers) and even tho it wasn't really that explicit i got rock hard again. i haven't yet tested this but i'm getting the feeling that i can get an erection whenever i want, i just need to use my fanthasy. this is completely new to me aswell cause no matter how hard i fanthasised i could never get hard just like that.

    other than that nothing really new happened the last few days. i feel like i've come a long way so far and i feel like my life's changed for the better.
     
  5. Dilem

    Dilem New Member

    Day 34

    woke up again with morning wood, it stayed up for at least 15 minutes (made it quite hard to pee really). i'm horny as hell all day and i feel like i really need some physical release. i no longer crave porn at all but i seriously need to bust a nut. i don't know how much longer i'm going to last.

    what makes it hard is that you don't have a sence of how far along you are in the recovery. i know now that i do not need porn anymore and i really see no reason to go back to my previous habits. my erections seem to be healing quite well, daily morning wood, random erections, being able to get it up with just fanthasy, etc. but i don't know where i stand.

    i'm really close to going out and pay for sex at the moment (seeing as there are no women in my life what so ever at this time and no place to meet new people anywhere close to where i live).
     
  6. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    Wow! Congratulations!

    I can't remember the last time I had such a strong morning wood! Probably 7 years ago or something!

    If you really can't hold on any longer then you have my support for this. Much better than just masturbating in my opinion.

    I do believe you should keep going though. I would make it at least 50 days if I were you.
     
  7. Dilem

    Dilem New Member

    Day 37

    i think it's about time for another update (tho i'm not sure if people really still go through the trouble of reading a long post like this). the past few days have been busy. i had (still have) a hell of a lot of work and time pressure in which to do it in, i went and worked after hours aswell with a mate of mine and yet i still found time for hobby's aswell. i like the busyer life i'm becoming to lead. staying in the house all day just doesn't do it for me anymore.

    As for the PMO shizzle, i'm still horny all day long, not the i need to masturbate and watch porn kind of horny but i've been thinking a lot (and i mean a LOT) about calling my ex to get together once more for a quick shag. the thing is, i broke it off and it wouldn't be fair to her at all. i know i really hurt her back then and that she propably still has feelings for me and i'm pretty sure that if i were to call her and arrange a meet (date) i'd get her to go to bed with me again (i'm a manipulative bastard). i don't have feelings for her anymore (i never had strong feelings for her, i kind of used her) it would just be a physical thing, however she won't see it that way. i don't want to hurt her but the bastard in me feels like "how is that my problem".

    i'm first and foremost doing this reboot for myself but i don't know if i want it to turn me into a bastard like that. sure i'll do a one night stand and i couldn't care less about that girl but i know how hard i have hurt this girl before ... then again i never see her, we don't keep in touch and how am i to know she doesn't want some sex aswell and it's not like i have something to lose there. pff i don't know what to do really, i feel allone and depressed at times. living in a small ass town has the downside that it's really hard to meet new people.

    i'd go out more often but while working on my PMO addiction i'm also working on my alcohol problems and the temptation when going out is still too much for me.
     
  8. kickthehabit

    kickthehabit New Member

    Inspiring story, it makes me feel more positive, but I have to ask you. If you went ahead with paying for sex, how ashamed would you feel? While I have no moral objections to prostitution, I wouldn't feel good about it afterwards and that might make me lose sight of my goals. I can definitely empathise though!
     
  9. Dilem

    Dilem New Member

    @KickTheHabit i think my next update is going to answer that question. thanks for taking the time to read my journal, i'm really glad it makes you feel positive.

    Day 38

    yesterday evening me and 2 of my friends were driving around when i decided to go check out the chausée d'amour nearby. long story short i went in and payed for sex. this being the first time i payed for sex i was kind of nervous and didn't know what to expect. once i payed i followed this really cute (i mean really wow) girl upstairs.

    well we got naked and we got in the bed but i couldn't get it up. i think i was trying too much, might have been the condom on a flacid dick or it might have been the fact that i was nervous. even when she went down on me for a while it didn't happen (blowjobs don't generaly do it for me). she was really sweet about it though and i decided that it propably wasn't going to work to i was going to make the best of it and enjoy her body for the time i still had. so i flipped her over and got on top, i think she misunderstood me there for a second because she was guiding me inside her (flacid as can be) naturally i didn't stop her. it wasn't easy to get it in but once i did manage to get it in i instantly got hard (i'd say about 70-80% hard). and even tho i didn't last long (which isn't a bad thing since i had wasted a lot of time at the start) i had me some very satisfying sex.

    i had forgotten what a womans body felt like, it's been over 3 years since my last sexual experiance and physical female contact for that matter. let me tell you guys one important thing i rediscovered: boobs are fucking awesome. i got the physical release i was aching for for the past week or so and i couldn't stop smiling on my way home. as KickTheHabit described i also thought i'd be ashamed of myself for doing what i did (propably another thing that was holding me back for a while) but i felt releaved.

    even tho i couldn't get hard right away i did manage to have sex and with a condom. condoms are one of the things that would make me unable to have sex at all in the past so that's definately an improvement. another thing condoms used to do is make me feel nothing at all (even the thinnest brand) but this time i was so sensitive and those were regular condoms.

    i'm really glad i did what i did because now i know where i'm at in my reboot. i'm not quite there yet. i would like to get to a point where i go in with a hard on and never have a doubt wether i'd be able to get it up or not (i'm still hoping that that's possible). on the other hand i fear i might have unlocked a door to a dangerous new world. i can see now that this can get very addictive. i'm going to have to have a lot of restraint not to go every weekend. this might be the chaser effect (even tho i don't really have an outspoken chaser) or it might just be because i had a lot of fun and i have a really addicting personality. either way i'm on the lookout.

    i went 37 days without PMO and i went out and payed for sex which i feel is still better than masturbating cause i really had forgotten what a female body felt like (it's a different neural pathway right?). i don't think i should count this as a relapse or a setback (let me know what you guys think about this). i know now where i stand rather than being in the dark about how far allong i am. i haven't felt better about doing this reboot than i do at the moment because i feel like i'm making progress.

    i am most definately going to continue refraining from PMO and i urge all of you to keep it up aswell.
     
  10. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    I'm almost certain that the reason you weren't able to get it up was because you were nervous. Next time will be much better I'm sure. Trust me.

    I'm very glad to hear you enjoyed the experience.

    Now, here's my advice:

    Try to go 50 days without PMO this time.

    You got your relief with the prostitute. Now you know what it's like. Do not go back.

    I know it's tempting but you're not ready yet. You can go back but only after you've rebooted. Prostitutes are addictive and you're in the middle of your reboot. The chaser effect will most likely lead into a porn/masturbation relapse. It happened to me many times. You will either relapse to porn or spend a lot of money on sex.

    You're already feeling a chaser effect and that's only after one time. Now imagine if you keep going every weekend. You'd have to deal with the chaser effect ALL THE TIME.

    Go through another period of abstinence and after 50 days you can go back again if you want.

    Be patient. Prostitution is not going anywhere.

    Regarding your counter you can have one for PM and another for O. This means right now you're on day 39/1 of no PM/O.

    When you get to day 89/51 of no PM/O you can test your erection again with a prostitute if you want.

    You're doing great so far!
     
  11. Psychosis

    Psychosis Guest

    Hey Dilem, nice work. I'd like to back up what TheUnderdog said, and lay special emphasis on the dangers of the chaser effect--that shit is the real deal. Maybe since you had an actual sexual encounter (not a PMO one), you won't really experience it, but I'd say make sure to be careful. You've got some serious gains going on, and are definitely on the right track here.
     
  12. Dilem

    Dilem New Member

    thank you both for the reply, i knew what i was getting into when i went in there so i was pretty prepared for the chaser but i must say it's not really hitting me that hard. the thing is i do feel somewhat of a chaser but it's not the urge to masturbate or watch porn, those haven't crossed my mind once. and i do intend to follow your advise to refrain from O again for a while (was my plan all allong).

    what i feel i might describe as some sort of chaser i feel is the longing for physical contact. i don't see this as a bad thing but i must refrain from going back to the chausée d'amour (translated: the love street). i was allways kind of nervous to enter in one of those brothels, mostly cause of my ED but knowing that i am able to have sex lifts that restraint completely and that's what i'm most afraid of. it's just way to easy to have sex that way which makes it really dangerous to not get addicted.

    on the other hand going to that prostitute fired up my libido in a big way. sex is awesome and i feel a renewed drive to go out and meet women (mostly looking for sex as i really don't want to get into a relationship right now). as i've said before, i had completely forgotten what a women feels like, tastes like and smells like and getting this physical contact (be it payed for) really fired something up in me.

    i am going to keep it up tho i'm at 39 days of no PM and 3 days of no orgasm which is still really good, i would have never known i'd make it this far on the first try and now when i look back i wonder how it ever got so far. by now i do feel like i've changed and i really don't feel like i need porn anymore, ever. on the upside to having had sex this weekend is that my sexual frustration seems to be completely gone (for now), so for the time being, i feel motivated to go another 39 days without O.

    i hope my ED get completely cured real soon cause i want to get out there and hunt me some pussy without having to worry if i'll be able to perform
     
  13. Psychosis

    Psychosis Guest

    Hey Dilem, just wanted to say that I'm pretty sure "longing for physical contact" is a good sign here, but also the fact that you're noticing how the other senses work while being with a woman. Notice how PMO is only vision, and how impoverished that is as an experience. Anyway, I'm glad to see you're getting your confidence back vis-a-vis your boner, and think you are probably right that you need to go a little bit further here. But, considering the concrete progress you've made, that should be easy.
     
  14. Dilem

    Dilem New Member

    Couldn't agree more

    Day 40!! of no PM and day 4 without O

    During the first weeks of my abstinance i was really tired all day but i've noticed for about a week (maybe 2) i'm bursting with energy again. might be the great weather we're having over here for the past week but i feel energised and refreshed in the morning and i don't get tired early in the evening.

    i've been in a great mood since my 'adventure' last weekend. i hear some people talking about being depressed or feel down after an orgasm but i haven't felt anything like that. quite the contrary actually i feel on top of the world.

    i don't thing i have anything else to add for now. i'm going out to enjoy the sun.
     
  15. Dilem

    Dilem New Member

    Day 43 no PM / Day 6 no O

    Haven't written in a few days. i've mostly been out enjoying the beautifull weather. i play airsoft (i own some weapons) with my friends every now and then and when the weather permits it we go out and shoot eachother so i've basicly been getting shot at for the past days :p.

    one thing i think is noticable is that i stopped smoking a few years ago and lately i've been smoking a sigarette every now and then so i decided to quit completely again next monday. making this decision however lifted my current restraint to not go out and buy a pack. so for the next 2 days i'm officially a smoker again. i do however have faith that i'll be able to stop monday no problem. if there's anything i've learned the past 3 years it's that when i put my mind to quitting something i am able to do it.

    i believe that's also what has helped me get this far in my PMO abstinance (altho i don't like the word abstinance, it suggests you're holding out for something rather than quitting for life). i know what it's like to get rid of an addiction and i've seen some similarity's to say quitting smoking or weed or drinking. aspecially the mood swings.

    morning wood has become quite consistent. i can't remember the last night i woke up without morning wood. but i believe that in every other aspect i'm coming into a second flatline. i do get turned on and i believe my libido is higher than ever but once i get out of bed i don't seem to get any reaction in my pants what so ever. not even a wiggle. i know recovery isn't linear but i can't help having this uncontent feeling. i get horny but i can't get it up and it's frustrating. just like yesterday i was in the park and there were these chicks, really cute, i'd feel attracted to them but no physical reaction what so ever. i hope this will pass soon.

    anyone else had experiance with a second 'flatline'? could it be the fact that i had sex last weekend that's causing me to flatline again? and if that's the case will i flatline again every time i have sex?
     
  16. Dilem

    Dilem New Member

    46/9 of no PM/O

    Had a wet dream this morning again. i'm not going to reset my O counter for a wet dream since i don't conciously go for it and i don't think it sets you back in the reboot (since i never had wet dreams before i count them as progress rather than a setback).

    it did seem to kickstart my libido again. i've felt quite horny all day and i even got a little hard (only like 30% at best but 30% none the less) with no appearant reason.

    I think the reboot is getting a lot easyer still. it's not at all something i even think about every day anymore. it feels as if i'm getting more and more used to not having PMO in my life anymore. and i'm more at ease in social situations. i even hung around with some old friends from my 'drug addicted' period (whom i hadn't seen in almost 2 years). felt great to hang out with people rather than sitting behind the computer all day. and i have played the guitar out in the park which was a first aswell (had my first audience of no less than 2 people)

    my gaming habbits have completely changed aswell, i play perhaps 1 hour, 2 at max per week. i always thought i'd miss gaming when i stopped it but i don't. it frees up a lot of time to do a lot more gratifying activity's.

    anyways keep up the good work everyone. i deffinately feel like it's all worth it!!
     
  17. Dilem

    Dilem New Member

    Day 48/11 of no PM/O

    Holy morning wood batman. seriously tho rock hard all morning, i'm talking like 100% hard for about 45 minutes.

    i got hit on by an ugly (and i mean it she was god awefull) girl through facebook yesterday. a friend of my ex was making it quite obvious she was into me but she's really awefull looking, i'm usually not that shallow but there are limits. i did however entertain the idea of a one night stand for a while. out of the blue it popped into my head which would never have happened to me with a girl that wasn't outspokenly hot.

    nothing more to add to this quick update.
     
  18. spinergy

    spinergy New Member

    Sounds like you're doing great! Keep it up (so to speak). ;)
     
  19. Dilem

    Dilem New Member

    Day 52/15 of no PM/O

    holy fuck has my libido increased. i'm talking horny all day long for the past few days. i get hard just thinking about talking to a girl about sex. and not just half erect i mean serious throbbing boners. if i come across a picture of a random girl showing some skin i'm hard nearly instantly. if there ever was a flatline i'm 100% out of it now. morning wood has become consistent and fully erect and when i start driving to work i usually get random erections aswell. i'm hard all day long, even when it's inconvenient like when you need to stand up and shake someones hand. hell i'm hard as i'm typing this.

    i must say it's taking all my mental power to keep me from rubbing one out or driving over to the hookers and getting off that way. i've even started to talk to my ex again to try and get her in bed with me again. i know it's the wrong thing to do and she will resent me for it but i just want to use her for sex. the ugly chick i mentioned before that hit on me, if i get the chance i'm still going to bone her. that's how horny i've become.

    one thing i must add tho is that while i'm so horny and i really need to get off i long even more to get a girl off. when i get fanthasy's it's not about me fucking some girl's brains out, it's about giving a girl the best damn orgasm she ever had leaving her begging me to fuck her brains out over and over again. the thing that's always gotten me off is getting a girl off.

    anyways i'd like to ask all of you who read my log what they think this progress means. does this mean i'm nearing the completion of my reboot (don't get me wrong, i'm never returning to my previous habbits)? i feel like i could have sex whenever i want without having to mind about ED at all anymore. i feel liberated.
    any thoughts or input would be nice.
     
  20. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    That is AMAZING dude.

    I'm so happy to read that.

    I love the feeling of being so horny to the point of being absolutely certain there will not be erection problems. That is true confidence.

    Are there any potential girlfriends in your life?

    The ideal next step would be to get a healthy relationship with a woman.

    Imagine unleashing all your sexual power and horniness into a woman you really like and care about. That would be great.
     

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