Dilem's Revolution

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by Dilem, Feb 27, 2012.

  1. Dilem

    Dilem New Member

    Hi, I'm new to the forum and would hereby like to introduce myself properly before jumpin into my journal.

    I'm a 21 year old guy from Belgium (I'm dislexic and English isn't my native language so forgive any typo's), still live at my parent's house allong with my sister. i've nearly finished a course in electricity and i'm close to starting to work in this profession aswell.

    Not feeling verry elaborate at the moment I'm just going to jump into my journal here.

    I started M when i was as young as 7-8 years old i believe and i still remember doing it a lot back then (especially from 10-12 yrs). We didn't have internet or anything like that and i wasn't looking for porn at all. That changed when we got internet when i was about 13. i had been over at a friends place a few times and we looked up some pictures of naked women etc. so i knew where to look and the first chance i had when I had the place to myself i was looking up pictures.

    As I grew older and became more skilled at using the computer I started downloading some porn clips and even short movies. my parents and sister used to go to bed early and I've always been a bad sleeper so i stayed up and no one bothered me at all. I think i skipped over the softcore porn and went straight to the hardcore stuff (naturally the pictures didn't do it for me anymore after that).

    This carried on till i got my first laptop at about age 16. i now had a laptop in my room which ment i could do my thing all day every day. the porn escalated to more extreme porn etc we all know how it goes.
    At age 18 i got a girlfriend (my first). we had a sexual relation which lasted for about a year. and this is where my first ED problems showed up. i remember that i had a hard time getting it up at times (failing at times). and condoms were (still are) a big problem, they made me lose my wood instantly and made it verry hard to O. i still remember that if i had watched P up to 5 days prior to having sex with het i would have problems (so even back then i knew porn was messing with me, even tho i never gave it any concious thought).

    I was 19 when we broke up and haven't had sex ever since. on one occasion i had an offer for a trio and i just couldn't perform cause of anxiety and on another occasion i was realy drunk and tried to have sex with a girl i just met but i never got hard.

    which brings us to the present. i was sick of all the failure and ED (a guy my age shouldn't have ED). and i found that it's time for me to get a girlfriend. searching the web in hopes of finding an answer to my question: what's wrong with my sex drive, i found YBOP. reading the accounts on the site was like reading a description of my life so far . It was a tremendous releaf to find that i'm not the only one suffering of this problem.

    so i had one last jack off that night and started my revolution (A revolution (from the Latin revolutio, "a turn around") is a fundamental change in power or organizational structures that takes place in a relatively short period of time) on 11 february 2012

    so i'm 16 days into my PMO abstinance and i'll walk you through the last few days. the first days were weird, i didn't feel a lot of urges and the thought of changing was kind of exciting. after day 5 it became harder tho, more cravings etc but my mood had changed for the better.

    in the second week i felt tired all the time with some sudden bursts of energy every now and then (i wonder if this happened to anyone else). but i felt on top of the world even now i still do, my confidence is at an all time high, i'm motivated to work, diet, work out and my personal hygene has inproved aswell.

    for a few days i thought i was in the flatline but yesterday i had morning wood so i don't think i'm not quiet there yet. another big difference i noticed is that instaid of having to use porn to get turned on, i started to use my fantasy again (something i haven't done in over 8 years i think.

    i hope to get some feedback from you guys out here cause god knows i can use some extra motivation. i question i'd like to ask to finish up this post is how counterproductive for the reboot it would be to MO (without P or fanthasy). i feel like i have to rub one out all the time even tho i don't seem to crave porn a lot atm.
     
  2. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    Nice story man!

    You're very young. The erections will definitely come back full force.

    Masturbating during the first weeks of reboot is not recommended because of the chaser effect. It slows down recovery as well.

    Eventually you can have a masturbation schedule, but right now it's too soon.

    You're right about ED not being normal at such a young age. That's my main reason to quit porn. It's extremely frustrating to be with a hot girl and not be able to get it up. I hate that feeling so much.

    Anyway, welcome to the forum!
     
  3. Dilem

    Dilem New Member

    Thanks for the respond Underdog i'm happy to have found a place where people share this common problem. it's a big releaf to know you're not the only one out there with this problem. also thanks for the insight on the masturbation question i'll definately take it into account.

    i'll be sure to keep the journal up to date and reply to others aswell cause reading here has given me the impression people start a journal but don't continue writing in it. since i was already keeping a personal journal (extra motivation) i might aswell be active on a forum where people can help me out with questions aswell as support.

    as for today i woke up with wood, which is always a good start to the day and i had some random boners in the car on my way to work which was nice aswell since it's been years since that happened.
    i still feel on top of the world and i even think i'm losing weight. i'm motivated to do stuff all day and rather than gaming on the pc i play guitar or do something productive. I have a theory behind that, being that PMO gives a certain dopamine rush and i feel like gaming also gives you that false sence of accomplishment. stopping the PMO i think affected my need for the other similar 'artificial accomplishments' which frees up a lot of time to actually do something productive. the feeling of completing a task also got a lot better. i'm more proud of my work and i can realy get into my guitar playing.

    I'm at day 17 of no PMO and i feel great, haven't felt this great in years so i'm going to keep it up.
     
  4. Dilem

    Dilem New Member

    hi,

    Just a quick update and a question, day 18 of no PMO.

    i had the weirdest dream this morning, more like a dream within a dream (inception much). long story short i had i had dreamt that i had relapsed and binged just to wake up and notice i had had my first wet dream ever. no shortly after this my allarm went off and i woke up for real. i was going through a lot of emotions in a short period of time, i went from horny as hell to disapointed back to relieved, then to amazed and then i woke up confused as hell.

    i was wondering if anyone else in here experianced a change in dreams? i noticed that my dreams have become more vivid and i have better recall of them aswell where i used to nearly never have any memory of them what so ever.

    anyways that was my quick update, i hope to hear you guys' oppinion!
    bye for now
     
  5. Dilem

    Dilem New Member

    day 19 of no PMO.

    I've noticed that you have to stay active if you want to keep this up, never have a dull moment. the moments i miss the PMO the most and the urges to MO rise are the moments i'm bored.
    i've found solace in my guitar tho. whenever i feel the urge to PMO rising instead of thinking about it i'll grab the guitar and play for a while. i hope to, by doing this, make a mental link from the rise of these urges to wanting to play the guitar and eventualy not get horny when i'm bored anymore and just feel like playing the guitar when i have nothing else to do

    any thoughts on this anyone?
    any feedback is welcome.
     
  6. fineanddandy

    fineanddandy New Member

    Wow, a dream of you dreaming you were relapsing, then waking up to having a wet dream and then waking up. Just another reason to reboot, you get to experience inception firsthand.
     
  7. Dilem

    Dilem New Member

    yeh it's something right :p.

    but i feel that the dream helped me in a way to stay on track. the disapointment i felt in the dream where i relapsed has stayed with me and i was relieved to find that it was only a dream. Makes me that much more motivated to keep it up 8).
     
  8. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    I had a change in dreams too, dreams/nightmares where I would relapse and wake up all panicky. Then they changed to dreams where I'd actually resist relapsing...

    Now they seem to have gone away, but I don't know if it's for good.
     
  9. Dilem

    Dilem New Member

    it feels to me like every time i quit an addiction the dreams seem to be more vivid. i used to never remember any dreams as if i wasn't dreaming at all. at around 18 i got sucked into using drugs and i started smoking, drinking and smoking weed on a daily basis. it's only after i quit smoking and weed that i started to have dreams and even very vivid ones.

    i did however become a heavy drinker for some time, during which the dreams went away again. i didn't only stop PMO i made some other changes in my life at the same time. i stopped drinking, started working out a little and changed my eating habbits. i think it might have something to do with the so called 'brain fog' deteriorating.

    anyways i like it, i love to dream (i was into lucid dreaming at one point aswell) so you don't hear me complaining
     
  10. Dilem

    Dilem New Member

    DAY 20

    i never thought i'd get this far (not at all since this is my first try) but i'm happy i did. getting this far adds a little to the motivation to keep going. imagine relapsing at day 20, it'll take another 20 days just to get to where you are right now.

    not that i feel like i'm going to fail at it any time soon, i think i'm getting into the flatline and i don't realy get horny to the point where i feel i need release. i do however think my morning wood is getting more consistent, so maybe the flatline isn't quite there yet.

    i still feel great, i cleaned my place this morning, studied, went to the junk yard, played guitar like a boss, ...
    i got out and hung out with some old friends aswell which and i'm feeling realy sociable. i'm even going to go to a party later this evening. and i'm not going with company, i'm all by myself and i intend to meet new people out there. i haven't felt this outgoing in a long time.

    the only hard part is not to get drunk (or drink any alcohol for that matter). i'm trying to quit drinking cause it's realy become close to alcoholism lately and i fear i might get suckered into drinking tonight. i'll be sure to have an update on that in the morning.

    anyways keep it up people i never thought i'd get this far and i realy hope i'm inspiring other people to hang in there aswell.
     
  11. Dilem

    Dilem New Member

    hi, i'm back in town :p

    let me recap the last few days real quick. I went to the party i mentioned in my last post and had a blast i got home at about 5:30 AM. i did drink but i didn't binge till i passed out i just got tipsy, which is also a new thing for me. the next morning (noon realy) i got a call from a friend and a few minutes later we were on a random road trip. we drove halfway acros belgium, stayed at a hotel, visited medieval castles and went on a 2 hour hike into a mountainy forest. it's been a while since we did something impulsive like that and i think that the fact that i'm more sociable lately scored me an invite to do something like that.

    i did however break my diet in a big way :p. i gained some weight again but nothing that can't be reversed with a little effort next week.

    no on to the PMO stuff.
    I'm at day 23 now and i must say i'm feeling a little impatient. it's like my mind still knows what it's like to get horny (well not realy horny but i feel attracted to some women) but my body's completely forgot what to do in situations where a normal persone would get aroused. i know i'm still in an early stage of the reboot but i'm frustrated today.

    its like i just said with my diet, if you don't keep your diet one day you just continue the next day. it might be 1 day you gained some weight but it doesn't mean you have to start over. and you can see the results day in day out. this is perhaps the the thing that bothers me the most about the reboot at times. the fact that you can't know how far along you are in your journey to be healed. i know it's a non linear process and i guess i'm just at a low point and tomorow will be better but for now it sucks.

    has anyone else been through this? and if so what did you do to get throught it?
    any extra motivation is welcome!!
     
  12. TheDude

    TheDude New Member

    Just like to chime in on the dreams. I am only 9 days in but that has been the most noticeable thing, besides the resuming of spontaneous erections and morning wood. I remember my dreams very rarely, but I can quite clearly remember the ones from yesterday and the day befores are starting to fade but that is normal for dreams. Either way 23 days is great and I'm looking forward to hitting that milestone as well.
     
  13. Dilem

    Dilem New Member

    hey thanks for the reply TheDude, the dreams were indeed one of the first things i noticed aswell. it seems like it's becoming less memorable at this point tho but that could just aswell be because i had an exhausting weekend so i don't know for sure, i'll keep you posted.

    also thanks for the little compliment on the 23 days. in hindsight it doesn't realy seem that long and it has gone pretty fast. don't get me wrong it wasn't easy so far and yesterday i was realy frustrated with how slow it was going. but i guess in comparasin with other people who have a hard time reaching 15 days i can't complain. if you're on day 9 i think you're about to pass the hardest part, i feel it gets easyer after day 10. and even more easy when you hit the 2 weeks marker.

    i'm at day 24 now and seeing the 30 day marker coming closed realy gives me a nice feeling. i hear people talking about seeing significant results by day 60 so i'm almost halfway. not that i'm saying 60 is what i'm shooting for and letting it slide after that, i intend to keep this up. i don't feel like one needs porn in his life and i can certainly live without. masturbation is perhaps doable at a later stage but what my real goal in this is is to get laid without ED and i hope to get laid before i masturbate again. my first O since the start of my reboot should be with a women.

    untill then i'll be updating this page almost daily so be sure to check in here. since i am a certain way into this reboot i think i might be able to give my insights into questions people might have so feel free to ask and if not i hope people can find some support in the fact that a daily porn user for nearly 10 years can quit cold turkey on the first attempt.
     
  14. Dilem

    Dilem New Member

    Day 25

    not much going on really. i have been having urges again the last 2 days, but not urges for porn or masturbation. no i feel the need to get laid. i haven't felt like this in a long time. I think it's my body and mind coming to peace with the fact that i'm not going to look at porn anymore and that it's not going to get its release by my own doing so it's craving the one thing i will allow it to have.

    when i was in the shower just now i felt like having a little test to see if my dick still works. i tried not to think about anything sexual at all (i even read some ingredients of the shampoo bottle to keep my mind from going into the gutter) and just touch myself a little. i rubbed for like half a minute and nothing really happened but the sure enough about 20 seconds after i stopped i got (semi-)hard. this gave me a great feeling. i used to not be able to get it up without porn and i've never ever been able to get hard standing up (at least not that i can remember).

    Both the feeling horny (for sex not for porn or masturbation) and getting hard by sensation only are signs of the reboot finally taking some effect. this is an enormous relieve cause i was really growing impatient the last few days. now i know i still have a long way to go but knowing that, if slower than i'd like it to be (i'm an impatient person), i'm making progress is a nice motivational boost.

    I urge everyone to keep it up as it'll be worth it in the end (i know it will be)!!!
     
  15. Psychosis

    Psychosis Guest

    Thanks for the encouraging update, friend. It's refreshing to hear you feel like you're getting your actual non-porn libido back. I can't wait until I get there. Keep us updated.
     
  16. Dilem

    Dilem New Member

    yeah i'm updating daily so i'll be sure to keep you posted.
    the non porn libido is awesome, the only thing that bums me out at this time is that i don't have any women in my life at the moment. but i'm working on that aswell!
     
  17. Dilem

    Dilem New Member

    Day 26

    I had my first wet dream (!!!) ever. this has never happened to me before and is a big sign that i'm headed in the right direction. i started masturbating at a young age so i didn't ejaculate at first and i did so daily so i guess that's why i never had a wet dream before, i just masturbated too much for my body to have anything left at night.

    i don't remember much of what i was dreaming about, i believe it involved me relapsing but i'm not sure. i woke up to find i had had a wet dream which was a relief to know i hadn't relapsed for real. i didn't get any chaser nor am i experiancing any now so there don't seem to be any downsides to this (except for the laundry ofcourse).

    i didn't wake up with morning wood tho but on my way to work i had a random erection that lasted over 15 minutes which made my day ^^.

    i'm pleased to see some progress this early on in my reboot (26 days is relatively early for someone with my former habbits) i hadn't expected anything this soon (even tho i did get impatient at one point). after yesterday and today i feel a renewed confidence that i'm going to be able to get something done when i do find a girl.

    i'm off for now as i'm feeling ill at the moment (not related to the subject).
    wishing you all the best, keep it up
     
  18. Dilem

    Dilem New Member

    Day 27

    not much to repornt

    i have the flu i feel like shit lol so the PMO isn't on my mind at all today
     
  19. Dilem

    Dilem New Member

    Day 28

    Getting close to the 1 month marker and damn proud of getting this far.

    the last few days i've felt like shit. i've got the flu and i've got it bad and it couldn't have hit at a worse time really. i'm on a tight (near impossible) scedule for my studies and i can not afford to miss a day. it's a good thing it's weekend so i can let it do it's worst, i hope to be better by monday.
    the upside to this is that PMO is the last thing on my mind at the moment. so no libido at all at the moment, i hope that's only caused by the illness cause i was liking where i was at a few days ago.
     
  20. Dilem

    Dilem New Member

    Day 30

    AWWW YEAH! one month of no PMO. gives me a sence of accomplishment unlike any i've felt before. let me just say i feel good about myself today. in strong contrast with how i was feeling yesterday. i was in such a foul mood, mainly because of being ill. i felt awefull, annoyed bored and lonely. i even wrote a journal entry describing it all but i read it through and it was so depressive i deleted it rather than bringing everyone down with my bad mood.

    i'm still not well, but i'm better and thet's a releave. i feel like going out and do stuff today. makes me regret i didn't study yesterday when i was bored but meh :p. i'm motivated to do stuff and i feel like there aren't enough hours in the day to do everything i want to do today. i'm bursting with energy.

    as for the PMO. not much to mention. i must admit i did look at 4 or 5 pictures (no porn or anything just bikini pictures) a friend had sent me (i'm not counting this as a relapse since i wasn't searching for them); after scimming through those pictures i felt my attention drawn to a forum post that was marked 18+ (somewhere else) and i nearly clicked. it felt like when i quit drugs and weed and smoking at the same time, i often had to resist the one puff of a cigarette knowing where it would lead. i'm going to be more carefull with what i get sent over in my mail knowing i might have dodged a bullet this time, next time i might not be so strong willed.

    morning wood seems to be more regular but i'm not sure if i wake up with wood or if i stimulate myself into getting wood with stretching and moving around (i take about 45 minutes to wake up :p). either way be it natural or by touch doesn't really make a difference since neither used to happen before my reboot so i'm happy ^^.

    i'll end on a question. what is considered edging? i know it's masturbating without the orgasm but since i'm pretty new to random erections or morning wood i tend to have fun with them, i'm not jacking off or anything close to that but i like the sensation of touching it (i believe i even imagined myself flying a plane with my joystick). is this considered edging? is giving your bed a quick grind (really just a thrust or 2) before getting out of bed in the morning considered edging? and should i stop all the forementioned activity's to benefit my reboot? i feel like a kid who got a new bike but has to wait for summer to come along to ride it.
     

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