Hello men. Some of you may remember me, I last joined here just short of a year ago, and somewhat miraculously got clean. I disappeared from the site rather abruptly after being clean for a while. This wasn't due to relapse, but because I was starting a job where being traced to my account here could have had negative employment consequences. Sanity prevailed for most of the time away from the site. I masturbated without P and as little fantasy as possible for around half the time I was away. These sessions were intentionally functional and quick, and after ejaculating there was always that thought 'thank fuck I don't do "sessions" any more', and associated gratefulness that I was in remission. Then the P started to sneak back in. 5 minutes a day every few days. First page of a website only, not much hunting/clicking. That was maintained for some months. See? I can use P responsibly! Right? Er... no. Then came an increase in hunting/clicking. Then came favorite-collecting, then downloading. Then paid subscriptions and collection building. And expensive trips to sex shops. Then the rest of my life started to take a backseat to the addiction, and I had to admit to myself that I was again out of control. One minute swearing off, and literally the next minute jacking off again 'just one more time'. The work, sports and relationships I had built started to suffer. I had again become a P-wraith. This rapid descent from 'maintaining' to 'out of control' had taken only around two months. So now I'm here again. What collected materials I had, have been deleted. Just doing that was incredibly difficult and entailed considerable anguish. But what choice do I have, really. I can either have a life (job, relationships, health, prospects of happiness, ease, comfort, contentment etc etc), or be an addict. It sounds like an easy choice, but as most of you will know, it is not. Thankfully I was relatively clean not so long ago, so there is the memory of that to spur me on. Looking forward to re-engaging here and catching up with everybody. Well done to all those who have lasted the course. And to those that are still struggling, well, I'm right here with you, and hoping we can help each other out.