Determined to Live; Failure is not an Option

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by rcfergie5, Jun 1, 2012.

  1. Pedigree

    Pedigree Active Member

    Re: Bringing Anxiety to it's Knees; A Golden Life Waiting to Happen

    I think at your point the urge to to orgasm are legit urges rather than your brain needing a fix. But congrats on being 4 weeks away from the big 365.
     
  2. rcfergie5

    rcfergie5 Guest

    Re: Bringing Anxiety to it's Knees; A Golden Life Waiting to Happen

    You're right, but don't forget that three days ago I was on the verge of going back to PMO, as a result of MO alone. So I think NoFap will do me better in the long run.

    And thanks for the congratulations.
     
  3. rcfergie5

    rcfergie5 Guest

    Re: Bringing Anxiety to it's Knees; A Golden Life Waiting to Happen

    410 Days Overall, 338 Days PMO Free

    Positive things I've done today: 75 minutes of cardio burning 1031 calories, recycling and making almost $5, another $5 my dad gave me today, $25 as a graduation gift from my friend Paul, with all that money, buying some Fanta soda and a Big K soda, some firecracker popsicles, and Carnivor (beef protein) from Musclemeds (flavored blue raspberry). I even helped my little sister Tiffany get some things for her Junior prom.
     
  4. rcfergie5

    rcfergie5 Guest

    Re: Bringing Anxiety to it's Knees; A Golden Life Waiting to Happen

    411 Days Overall, 339 Days PMO Free

    Trained my legs and glutes, watched some wrestling, spent a lot of time online, got a couple cheese burgers at Del Taco (with a buy one get one free coupon)and Ice cream (half chocolate half vanilla), and ate them all up.

    I just tried emotional freedom technique, and as bizzare as it looks, it actually works! I def gotta do this consistently.
     
  5. Apeman

    Apeman It means you're a baboon... And I'm not

    Holy shit, man, you're awesome. What stands out to you the most when you think of yourself now versus yourself before you decided to quit?
     
  6. rcfergie5

    rcfergie5 Guest

    first off, thank you. What stands out to me the most is my discipline. My ability to keep moving forward when things get hard. Before I quit porn, I had wanted to quit at life because I was depressed for the most part. Now I just developed the mentality to stay hungry and stay foolish (as Steve Jobs would say), never be satisfied, no matter how much I've improved, and never think I know everything (which I'm working on), never give up and never back down from adversity.
     
  7. rcfergie5

    rcfergie5 Guest

    Day 412/340
    MO'd four times after the five day streak, which is not bad since I fapped daily, lately. I find that when I think about what turns me on, and once I start touching my dick, I never wanna stop. And just thinking about it gets me going more.

    At least I know the difference on NoFap vs fapping: I feel more energized, more motivated, even feel better about myself. I'm going to keep exercising my body and my heart, as well as doing the emotional freedom technique, and forget about anything sexual to keep from fapping again. This distraction has helped me last this long in a while, and I know I can not only beat my 83 day streak, but also surpass 100 days.. Even a year. I'll never quit, I'll never settle down. To me now, MO and PMO are nearly the same.
     
  8. rcfergie5

    rcfergie5 Guest

    I woke up and realized I am a hermit. I prefer to be alone for the most part. Because at this point I've been done with this pressure, thinking I should make plans with everybody everyday. Drove me nuts. Why even try when you don't even connect with people so easily. Not even girls cut it, for me... At least I have a couple real friends.

    At least I'm also doing what I can, the best I can, to enjoy myself. I don't even try to socialize with people just because I should. Just like when I tried to work out consistently because "I should", that never worked out for long.. So maybe I will someday have a social life, even a sex life, when I really want to... Because when I really wanted to work out, that always seems to work out so well. The way I see it, I'm back to square one.. But I will come back bether than ever.
     
  9. rcfergie5

    rcfergie5 Guest

    Two of the reasons why I must never fap: it obviously, and almost leads me to PMO, taking peeks at artificial stimuli (which I don't find sexy anymore). I don't see how anybody can look at that stuff without problems... More important, now I don't see how I loved that stuff then.. And I never will. And another reason: so much fapping hurts my penis, and I'm not even talking about the foreskin. I think it's the PC.. Not a serious problem, just sore.. But that all means I really gotta stick to NoFap for life... I should be afraid to even think about fapping.

    My life is more important than near relapses, and addictions. And I don't deserve to lose it at all. I don't even want to reset my PMO streak, ever... Besides, exercising is my addiction, now. Which is a great thing haha
     
  10. Chammorrow

    Chammorrow Member

    WOw man, I don't check into your journal for a little while, and you are at 341 days...that's is commendable partner. It's so high that I'm even having some difficulties imagining how possible it is to achieve that.

    Do your urges get stronger as time goes on? Do you feel better now physically than you did almost a year ago? Has any changes happen to your body, maybe a symptom that was reversed? and oh was this just a porn reboot or also a mastubration reboot..it seems that it's a lot harder to stop masturbation for an elongated amount of time, but doing that will also bring about a greater good, in my opinion.

    Good job fergie, pat yourself in the back for now, you deserve it..but don't look back and keep going, you still have a lot to do.
     
  11. rcfergie5

    rcfergie5 Guest

    Yeah it's harder to stop masturbation for very long, but now I'm back on the NoFap train, I strongly agree that will do be greater good in the long run. Other than that, urges almost have disappeared. The only thing reversed was PIED, and I definitely feel a lot healthier and more relaxed, even more disciplined. The way I see it, had I not given up porn, I never would've made any positive changes in my behavior, including exercising to keep in shape, even to eventually accept my life as a hermit, regardless of my social life.

    I've had plenty of close calls, including yesterday.. But now I'm more determined than ever to keep moving. Speaking of moving forward, you do the same. I know you got this.
     
  12. hope4greatness

    hope4greatness New Member

    Wow I really gotta add to Chamm and say congratulations on how far you've made it! 341 days! Thats really inspirational. I've tried for 2 months now and have failed with 5-6 relapses. I currently have PIED and it is pretty sad how I can't get it up. A couple months ago, I got in contact with a former high school friend and came close to getting laid but it just wouldn't get up.

    I'm motivated to get better and really want to see this positive change in my life happen as well!
     
  13. Chammorrow

    Chammorrow Member

    Acceptance of social status? Recognition of social capacities?

    Can you elaborate on this?

    I always thought that maybe PMO brought us so deep in the fantasy world that we ceased to recognize our reality. Once we let go of that drug, we have to face ourselves and doing so may be tough. But in the end we need to accept our capacities, which is different than putting limits. Never put a limit on your yourself but we need to recognize each of our own different capacities, whether that is physical, spiritual, social, or intellectual. What was your experience in this journey of finding yourself? ( sorry, I probably could get the answer by just reading your journal, but time is a luxury for me as of now)

    Thanks man. I've been held back a few times with binges due to big relapses, and life circumstances like my girlfriend breaking up with me (I'm over that though) but seeing your improvements and your commendable run is firing me up to do the same. I guess I checked back into your journal at the right time of my development.

    Thanks for the encouragement bud, let's reach new heights.
     
  14. rcfergie5

    rcfergie5 Guest

    @Hope4greatness thanks! And don't worry about your situation, it'll all work out in the end. I assure you. Never give in.

    @Chammarrow Its definitely recognizing and accepting my social status and social capabilities. I figured I would improve those capabilities this way, by that, I mean starting by accepting my solitude (which I so rightfully needed, because I have all the time I need to get to know myself), then when I'm ready, I'll start getting serious on building my social life. I've pressured myself into making plans with some friends because some people in my life told me I should, and that didn't do me much good. Same thing goes for trying to meet girls and hit on them.. So do something because you really want to, not because you have to! That's worked well with working out and doing cardio, and I'm sure it will work for other aspects like my social life. Plus I have to say, the exerperience was rather interesting, helped me realize the truth of who I am and my life in the long run.

    Plus I got a call from the manager of Taco Bell, and he said he'll give me more information this Friday, so there is a chance I'll get interviewed, and get hired. That'll surely get me back some, if not all, of my social skills that I sacrificed to improve my physique and enjoy my needed solitude. I'll also more likely to use all the energy I'd have to work so I don't even think about fapping.
     
  15. rcfergie5

    rcfergie5 Guest

    Re: Incredibly Interesting Journey (Three weeks! No PMO)

    I just looked back at last year's posts, and I was obviously pretty pessimistic, then... I can't even believe the way I talked... So much insecurity you can see in my earlier posts. I even cared that Amanda had been ignoring me when I tried to say hi, and I unfriended her, and she still hasn't accepted my friend request almost a year later.. But now I don't blame her; somewhere along the long, I pushed her away. I never even kept in touch with her like I promised, because I was far too busy focusing on thinking about what to do with my life, far too focused on what went wrong. I even let my smallest shortcomings bring me down like a brick wall, and when things got hard, I started looking for something to blame, like the flatline.

    Now I don't even bother fighting back my haters on Youtube, and I hardly even get any hate on there anymore. Coincidence? Probably. But I've actually become a more mature, more civilized version of myself, and I don't even try to make plans with anybody just because "I should". "Must" is a stronger obligation than "Should", so therefore, I will only make plans with people if I must. And I exercise because I must, not because I should. Must soon becomes "Want", which is pretty much the strongest obligation, if that makes any sense.

    As for the girls... Well, I've stopped thinking so much about them, it is really useless to even try to talk to a girl if it's all because "I should". I'm really not ready for them.. Forget getting laid, either... Thinking about those things hurts me too much due to the fact the girls and sex are not what I have.. So for now, working out, watching movies and being online are my only interests, and I will soon be interviewed for a job at Taco Bell. Those are the only things I focus on, because they're in my hands. So whatever is in this very moment, I focus all my attention on.. I hardly even curse, anymore.. I only do that when I feel like it, otherwise it's pointless.
     
  16. makebelieve

    makebelieve Member

    Re: Incredibly Interesting Journey (Three weeks! No PMO)

    That's one great thing of having a journal. You can see your perception changing in a way you can never just remember. It's so hard to remember what your reality looked like in the past without written notes. Great things, these journals!
     
  17. rcfergie5

    rcfergie5 Guest

    Day 416/344

    it's one year of NoPorn exactly three weeks from now, and I'm soon to get interviewed at Taco Bell and possibly hired. Hard to believe I would ever get this far. That's what journals are for.
     
  18. rcfergie5

    rcfergie5 Guest

    Day 417/345

    I got hired at Taco Bell yesterday and I'm starting Monday. I'm also at Dave & Busters at the Irvine Spectrum with some people, including two people named Paul (the one who graduated with me, and the other I went to see Jurrasic Park 3D with).

    My new bodyweight goal is 210lbs, and I am not only going to up my cardio frequency; I'm also going to start improving my diet and eating less junk food, therefore less calories.

    Plus I feel better just focusing on what I'm currently working on. Plus I just learned to sign a new lease, along with my parents. We're not moving out of the complex, just moving to another apartment, a two-bedroom.

    And makebelieve, a year ago I never would've thought I'd have to swear off the women for a while, to concentrate on getting myself together, physically, mentally and emotionally. Your perception does change in a year.
     
  19. rcfergie5

    rcfergie5 Guest

    It's been a month without trying to get girls, and now this is beginning to make a positive difference in my behavior. Ultimately, I might end up getting chased, but I'm not counting on that to happen anytime soon. Strictly, I block them out, and be a cold stone, while I'm focusing on getting in better physical condition and such... Of course, I will interact with people at my own will.. I do whatever I must do. I'm just doing this to learn to enjoy myself, and ultimately become greatly confident in myself. I'm not even doing NoFap for the girls; just for myself, and myself, only.. Ultimately, I will never have to fap out of frusturation again. Sounds like a good plan to me. Plus I did cardio twice today, I decided to do cardio the whole week while I'm off weight training, and cut back on the foods.
     
  20. Red_Raja

    Red_Raja New Member

    hey rcfergie5,

    I've read a few of your posts and journal. I've seen this attitude prevalent as an undertone in most of your posts and it is great to always be looking out for yourself and improve in whatever means possible. Just remember, part of being a healthy human being is also to take risks, realizing there isn't much to lose in going out and talking, flirting etc. Only stuff to gain! Just keep that in mind!
     

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