Detailed 1-90 day report (*complete 90day reboot* with charts&stats)

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by delightful, Sep 4, 2013.

  1. delightful

    delightful New Member

    Re: Detailed 1-90 day report (**NEW 50 day** report with charts&stats)

    what was in those two pages Pat?

    Somehow I managed to forget about my beautiful disaster, or '2012 girl' along this reboot. She reappeared in my dreams a few nights ago. Shes the first girl I've ever truely loved and today these amazing memories flowed back into my subconscious. haunting me. I have so many perfect memories, everything I ever dreamed of, and it all ended. I want her so bad, I want her more than anything else. I'm not going to respond to 2011 girl, because thats shameful - you dont go from a ferrari to a hyundai.

    I remember the first time we kissed - in a bar outside class. I asked if I could kiss her and she squealed "Nooo!!" - I then said "Fine!!" and crossed my arms and looked the other way. She giggled and pulled my chin towards her face and we shared a perfect kiss. I woke up that night to a 'you make me happy' text.

    I remember when she had just been crying, because of childhood issues with her dad - I laid on her bed and she was on top of me, her face hovering above mine, her hair engulfing the outsides of my face, and we just stared at eachother. She has the most amazing eyes I've ever seen. We then shared a kiss and cuddled

    I remember the first time I said 'I love you' after a fight. I remember crying with her, in the middle of the city, after I brought up something from her past, and this bum yelled at me during this for not giving him money, and me threatening to fucking destroy him.

    I remember the first time she said "Guess what? ...I love you" through a curtain in a dressing room. I remember her writing 'hi. I love you.' on my homework.

    I remember waking up in the middle of the night, with her sleeping on top of me, head on my chest, and getting butterflies, feeling like the luckiest guy on planet earth.

    I remember sharing more laughs and doing more crazy shit with her then I have with anyone else

    And finally, I remember her text from april after we hadnt talked for two days "I miss you idiot, I love you, always and forever" right before we tried to have sex and I failed yet again - effectively making her feel inadequate and dashing all hope for her for the final time..
    Now shes with some motherfucker and her and I are nothing but ghosts in each others memories.

    Damn those memories. They bring nothing but immense sadness and regret.

    Goodnight (I also remember the plethora of bad memories with her - they just arnt in focus right now)
     
  2. Re: Detailed 1-90 day report (**NEW 50 day** report with charts&stats)

    "A Love Checklist" The person who I love
    1.Can be trusted?
    2. Seems to love me also?
    3. Would make a good parent?
    4. Is loyal?
    5. Could be moody sometime but is basically kind and compassionate?
    6. Respects me?
    7. Can handle conflict with maturity and considerate actions?
    8? Has control over her anger and volitility.

    This is the checklist of true love. The next checklist is for a short and unrewarding relationship.
    I must have a partner who is
    1. Devistatingly beautiful
    2. blonde
    3.big breasted
    4. in shape
    5. great in the sack
    6. nice ass
    7. rich
    8. likes certain moviesor films

    For me that kind of set my priorities. My girl was ALL that second category, and very few of the first. I kind of use this now as a guide to my relationships. Hope that helps.

    And dam man you're making me cry with that last post, good to see you opening up your emotions like that.
     
  3. delightful

    delightful New Member

    Re: Detailed 1-90 day report (**NEW 50 day** report with charts&stats)

    I sincerely thank you for that Pat, She is mostly in the second which makes me feel much better. I cant decide if I would erase all these memories to be free, or keep them because they hold happiness I never thought possible.

    I was crying while writing them out.. I would give everything for a time machine or a do over. Im still in love with this damn girl.

    Pat, have you seen 500 days of summer? check it out (though it brought up these memories and feelings I've been trying to supress..)
     
  4. aloopinfiasco

    aloopinfiasco New Member

    Re: Detailed 1-90 day report (**NEW 50 day** report with charts&stats)

    Delightful, it takes a true man to just recall all of that upon will. To look back on that with the fondness evident in your writing (it's definitely there), that makes you great man. And you don't have to recall all the bad memories like Tom did with Summer. Maybe it leads to regret over things you wished you'd changed. You have all these beautiful, human experiences that will be with you for life, current circumstances don't affect your ability to cherish that.. Love comes and goes, but these memories stay forever.

    I've never been in a relationship before, I didn't think I deserved it. But something about your post finally made me feel worthy of one. Thanks man. 2013 girl will follow this upward trend, so prepare yourself for the world of joy your about to experience!
     
  5. delightful

    delightful New Member

    Re: Detailed 1-90 day report (**NEW 50 day** report with charts&stats)

    Thank you Aloopinfiasco, and I sincerely thank you for informing me about 500 days of summer. I think this is the first time I'm really facing what I've pushed down for so long.
    Youre right, these memories will be with me forever..and I love them and feel blessed for having witnessed them.

    I hope you experience everything I have and more. Never say you dont deserve it, I honestly believe its the only thing worth living for.
    Lets do this man, 2014 will be the year
     
  6. aloopinfiasco

    aloopinfiasco New Member

    Re: Detailed 1-90 day report (**NEW 50 day** report with charts&stats)

    I'm happy to hear you got so much out of it man! Yea that's definitely the attitude to have.

    Thanks, that's a lot of happiness you wish upon me haha. I do now believe that we take little steps day by day that make us people whole enough to get the most out of these experiences. Yes 2014 is starting to get a good ring to it!
     
  7. delightful

    delightful New Member

    Re: Detailed 1-90 day report (**NEW 50 day** report with charts&stats)

    Thanks man

    Day 64: (I think this is actually day 64, somewhere in the 40s or 50s I skipped forward a day)

    confidence: 7.5/10
    happiness: 0/10
    urge: 0/10

    this is the lowest I've felt this entire reboot - and possibly the entire year..
    Its funny, I was complaining about not having any emotions and being a robot - well, I certainly have my emotions back.
    Such wonderful emotions such as: sadness, regret, anger, hate, emptiness, loneliness, depression, and hopelessness.

    Oh, how joyous and wonderful. Kill me.

    I want to smoke cigarettes and drink bathtubs of booze. I DO NOT want to go near fucking porn, PMO is the root reason for my despair.

    bring on tha RUM, matey.
     
  8. Tongya Kupana

    Tongya Kupana New Member

    Re: Detailed 1-90 day report (**NEW 50 day** report with charts&stats)

    I'm a fan of RSDTyler:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06UnHtD1ZbY

    This is a lot about pickup stuff. I'm looking to get into that in about half a year, but this video is about what you're going through.
     
  9. norek

    norek New Member

    Re: Detailed 1-90 day report (**NEW 50 day** report with charts&stats)

    Check out tyler videos or some RSD material definitely. It´s not about negging :) . It´s about self development and if Tyler teaches something it´s confidence. Don´t be reactive to that because it´s sometimes rude , rather open-minded.
     
  10. delightful

    delightful New Member

    Re: Detailed 1-90 day report (**NEW 50 day** report with charts&stats)

    Not bad you guys - you were right.

    I woke up not forgetting about her, I can always get her back later - lets focus on what really matters now...
     
  11. Stopper

    Stopper IT'S OVER!!!

    Re: Detailed 1-90 day report (**NEW 50 day** report with charts&stats)

    Thanks :)

    That was an excellent video. A lot of solid advice! Thanks for sharing this.

    @Delightful:

    Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever. - Lance Armstrong

    Drunkenness is temporary suicide. - Bertrand Russell

    Stay strong!
     
  12. delightful

    delightful New Member

    Re: Detailed 1-90 day report (**NEW 50 day** report with charts&stats)

    day 65:

    confidence: 8/10
    happiness: 7/10
    urge: 0/10

    Good day today, I have noticed myself growing in my social abilities. Its fucking wonderful. I had a client meeting today and I'd say it went well (just me, no boss).

    I also had my community service for speeding (always do, saturday and sunday). So I started talking to the officer who was overlooking my group and he ended up liking me so much he had all the other guys do work while I sat on the bus with him and talked about investments (I work as an investment banker) and things like watches, cars, etc. I find people being more drawn to me - They automatically grant me the leadership role. I have people actually trying to validate themselves to me "you know, I'm actually pretty smart when...".
    I said before and I'll say it again, I'm basically where I used to be, which was always a big complaint to me.

    The urge is completely gone though. I was remembering times when I've had naked girls on top of me or when I'd take showers with them and FUCK I was like completely indifferent. Wasnt aroused, didnt even care.
     
  13. delightful

    delightful New Member

    Re: Detailed 1-90 day report (**NEW 50 day** report with charts&stats)

    Day 66 (yesterday's report)

    Confidence: 6/10
    Happiness: 6/10
    Libido: 1.5/10
     
  14. ryder9090

    ryder9090 " Its what you want most , not what you want now!!

    Re: Detailed 1-90 day report (**NEW 50 day** report with charts&stats)

    Amazing work.

    Best of luck
     
  15. delightful

    delightful New Member

    Re: Detailed 1-90 day report (**NEW 50 day** report with charts&stats)

    Thanks Ryder! And right back at ya

    Day 67:

    Confidence: 5/10
    Happiness: 5.5/10
    Urge: 0/10

    This shit is so cyclical. I do see an upwards trend, albeit a slow upward trend.
    It goes from bad to good to bad to good.
    Some days my personality is on fire and I can talk to anyone and just want to smile my ass off.
    Other days I feel like I should give up on pseudo social things like facebook, this website, etc and I just want to crawl into my bed and sleep.

    I've been watching breaking bad (since late Sunday) after work and in my free time and literally dont do anything else. Must get back to the gym, haven't worked out in like two weeks.

    Over the weekend I had some strong fantasy. I imagined my beautiful disaster 2012 girl on my bed, wearing nothing but a big leather blazer I have. So fucking sexy. It's too bad to, last time she was in that bed she questioned why I never wanted sexytime and said "it's fine, Ill just rape you"
    I'd kill for that now. I wish I had a time machine to go back and literally beat the shit out of old me. That stupid, insignificant, lucky, bitch. He got what he deserved and now, Im taking over.
     
  16. Re: Detailed 1-90 day report (**NEW 50 day** report with charts&stats)

    That's just the urges man, when your addiction pushes through all those sex memories come back. Go back and look at some of your "up" weeks and you'll see that you barely mention her/you see the reality of how toxic a relationship that was
     
  17. Stopper

    Stopper IT'S OVER!!!

    Re: Detailed 1-90 day report (**NEW 50 day** report with charts&stats)

    I'm experiencing the same thing bra. Mixed emotions, they say for you to really get some benefit and ''rewire'' you need to do new activities. As much as I know this myself, I can't find the energy to do it. So I do those pseudo social things you mentioned or I just crawl in bed, it's shitty. But really though...like the gym for example, most of the time it just takes the first time going there to get the good habit started. Just gotta push through.
     
  18. delightful

    delightful New Member

    Re: Detailed 1-90 day report (**NEW 50 day** report with charts&stats)

    Day 68:

    Confidence: 6/10
    Happiness: 3/10
    Libido: 1.5/10

    I really appreciate the feedback and comments

    Gettingbetter: you're right man, thanks for keeping my head straight. That girl is like a drug. Last week while missing her I posted something to her on our private board (the only thing she hasn't blocked me from) and we've been slightly talking through that. I feel pathetic talking about her, so I must put a swift end to this.

    Stopper: always enjoy your input. What are some of the new activities you've been doing?

    In two days ill write the 70 day report with charts so we can take a look at what's been goin on under the hood.

    Happiness and confidence are feeling better but my energy levels are low.

    I can't say I have urge, but I find myself rewatching some of my favorite porn in my head, I find myself remembering previous sexual encounters, and I find myself fantasizing about what I would do now. I'm not getting aroused, but it's something I just default to when I have free time.
     
  19. ryder9090

    ryder9090 " Its what you want most , not what you want now!!

    Re: Detailed 1-90 day report (**NEW 50 day** report with charts&stats)

    waiting for those charts of 70 days .. good luck man.
     
  20. delightful

    delightful New Member

    Re: Detailed 1-90 day report (**NEW 50 day** report with charts&stats)

    69:

    Confidence: 5.5/10
    Happiness: 0/10
    Libido: 0/10

    Yesterday in the morning I crashed and crashed hard. I couldn't now smile if I forced myself to. Everything makes me angry and I wish for the apocalypse. I wish for fire tornados and dragons that crave human flesh.
    Fuck it, let's throw in an alien invasion for good measure.
    Yeah. That will make me smile.

    This depressed state comes out of no where, no real recent life developments.
    Whilst on my commute today Miley Cyrus's "wrecking ball" came on. As soon as I heard it I yelled "SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU ANNOYING PIECE OF SHIT" and turned my radio off.

    Mentally, I feel like shit.
    I eagerly await my man eating dragons and aliens.
    That is all.
     

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