Desire To Return To PMO

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Michael84, Aug 30, 2017.

?

Is PMO such a big evil?

  1. Yes, we should stop it.

    12 vote(s)
    100.0%
  2. It's not such a bad habit actually.

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  1. Michael84

    Michael84 Member

    I always wanted to break this terrible addiction and finally I did it. Now I have an opposite effect: I am thinking to get back to it because I remember how good I felt jerking to some hardcore shit, and sex is not that good compared to PMO feelings. I realize that this is a crazy thought but still this is how I feel sometimes recently. It's not because I have urges again, it's just my conscious choice. And I am afraid of such mindset because it can get me back into that deep dark pit that I managed to get out of.
    Has any of you had similar thoughts? Does anyone think that PMO, possibly, is not that bad and is not worth fighting against?
     
  2. NewTerritories

    NewTerritories virtual

    Yes, porn feels good. That's the point. Isn't that why you were using it all along? What's different about your situation now that you've 'broken' this addiction, as you claim?

    What does it matter whether it's a conscious choice or an urge? It'll be fun for a while. Then only you know how it affects you. I don't know why you quit in the first place, but wasn't it for a damn good reason?

    Maybe for some folks, PMO really isn't so damaging. But we're here in this forum for some (separate, individual) reasons.

    You're saying strange things, and I'm interested in getting to the meaning of your words, but I'm not going to tell you what to do.
     
    Boxer17 likes this.
  3. Wabi-sabi

    Wabi-sabi Imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete

    Every time I start to make progress in a reboot I get that voice in the back of my head calling me back to my old friends, to see what they've been up to during my absence.

    Relapsing seems the most exciting thing in the world. . . until you do it. The girls I thought I missed hardly move me, they are just doing the same thing over and over.

    As an aside, something that has helped me is to no longer think about fighting against PMO. Neither am I trying to establish a state of not-porn. I'm trying to build confidence, self-esteem and the feeling of being comfortable in my own skin so I won't want to PMO to dots on a screen.

    I worked on losing my fear of relapsing - largely by coming to regard previous relapses as learning experiences. They are spiritual teachers pointing out where I was hurting but trying to hide it. . . ultimately it helps to face up to your pain, not be ashamed of it.

    Sorry if I'm jumping down a rabbit hole here, but I know a lot of guys here get urges, and they can drive you nuts.
     
  4. Michael84

    Michael84 Member

    Well, I can have sex now, although erection is still not perfect. Nothing else.

    Yes, there was a reason and still is. I wanted to be able to have sex and escape that digital internet cell where I was locked in by PMO. But now I just feel the temptation to return to that hell where I was before. You see, sex an porn are different things and both are good. It's a pity that they cannot be combined. I feel emptiness and lack of excitement that porn gave me.
     
  5. le_petit_moster

    le_petit_moster Active Member

    Dear Michael84- I think you can use this 'emptiness' feeling to find something in your life that is not PMO.
     
    NewTerritories likes this.
  6. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    Wabi-sabi said
    As an aside, something that has helped me is to no longer think about fighting against PMO. Neither am I trying to establish a state of not-porn. I'm trying to build confidence, self-esteem and the feeling of being comfortable in my own skin so I won't want to PMO to dots on a screen.

    I worked on losing my fear of relapsing - largely by coming to regard previous relapses as learning experiences. They are spiritual teachers pointing out where I was hurting but trying to hide it. . . ultimately it helps to face up to your pain, not be ashamed of it. "

    I agree that is well stated
     
  7. spoofy

    spoofy Active Member

    I know this exact feeling, and I have a theory about it.
    As men, we have natural drive to have sex with other women, I don't care how the media tries to brainwash us into monogamy.
    This especially set after about a year of relationship, when the magical novelty wears off
    Porn has perverted this drive, and instead we feel we need to PMO again.

    That's actually why I kept watching moderated porn, but unfortunately I find it almost impossible nowadays. (e.g. porn sites are constructed to get you into an addictive binge, with more porn and novelty popping up everywhere)
     
    le_petit_moster likes this.
  8. le_petit_moster

    le_petit_moster Active Member

    Dear All, As I and many others before me has found out ( painfully) there is no 'moderation' in addiction. When I pointed this out before I was shut down by a few who are coming around to accept this fact now.
    There is only one way and that is cold turkey/ monk mode etc.
    Let it be cigs, alcohol and anything to do with brain reward circuits.
    I wish you all well.
     
    Boxer17 likes this.
  9. spoofy

    spoofy Active Member

    So you can't have 1 beer a week without being an alcoholic?
    Sounds legit
     
  10. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    If I'm hearing le petit monster correctly he is saying you can't have 1 beer if you are an alcoholic
     
  11. Nomadic

    Nomadic Member

    Correct. That's what he meant. I know alcoholics and they know if they have 1 beer, it opens the floodgates to want 100 beers and always want to drink.
    Myself on the other hand LOVE a cold beer. However I've never been an alcoholic and can have 1 beer, enjoy it and not have another without any problem.
     
  12. spoofy

    spoofy Active Member

    Dunno, that feels like a defeatist attitude.
    I reckon the reason people fall back to addiction after a pmo session, is only because the tube sites promote binging, by spamming videos all over the place at a click of a button.

    That's not like giving an alcoholic 1 beer, that's like taking an alcoholic to an open bar.
     
  13. le_petit_moster

    le_petit_moster Active Member

    If the alcoholic is taken to a bar he will quickly get alerted and build a wall to protect himself. It is the "just one drink' that get's most of them.
    If it takes for me to be 'defeated' to get 'liberated' I am ok with that. Each his own.
     
  14. Videscu

    Videscu New Member

    I was having the same desires as you, and relapsing actually saved me from them.

    At first it felt like PMO was akin to being lured and enticed by friends or beautiful girls... they would tell me to come... they would tell me they loved me... and I would eventually follow them. Relapse.

    But then, once I actually went to them, they would all of a sudden stop caring about me. I wouldn't exist anymore. Similar to a false friend or false lover who'd only be interested in you for wrong reasons, such as your money or whatever advantage they would get from you.

    I felt betrayed. I felt like total shit. I was back to these limp erections and super weak orgasms. I would be back to addiction.

    It also made me realize what PMO actually was. All these fantasies and desires for... that? Was that really what I sacrificed so much of my life for? Is that it?

    Even the lecherous images and videos weren't that good anymore... it turned to a point where these teen-like erections I was going back to, after abstaining, actually felt better than my PMO life.

    The disgust and disappointment were so strong that I'm convinced relapsing ended up being a good thing. I'm not advising you or anyone for that matter to purposely relapse, but I thought it would be a life experience worth sharing.

    These feelings and urges you're having are deceitful. PMO is like a siren trying to charm and entice you... but it's not your actual friend. It's a lying demon. Stay away from it.
     
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2017
    Mr. Tony and NewTerritories like this.
  15. Mona

    Mona New Member

    Well said
     
  16. Its over

    Its over New Member

    You gotta fill the void with something else. Weightlifting, basketball, painting, making music or something. We use porn when we're bored. If you make your life interesting it's easier to stay away from porno
     
    Boxer17 and Michael84 like this.
  17. le_petit_moster

    le_petit_moster Active Member

    Dear "Its over".
    While it is true that PMO provides a relief to 'boredom' - and replacing it with activities ( arts & sports) can help, but it will be only to certain extent. One can get bored doing those activities once the natural process of 'habituation' sets in. The 'little monster' can even fake boredom and hint you to find refuge in PMO.

    Porn and PMO has already 'bugged' the natural "script" to make it easier for you to fire up your browser and visit your online 'harem'.
    In addition to finding healthy alternative activities one should also change one's philosophy to accept 'boredom' and doing nothingness. And this the 'big monster' - the big change. There is a reason why the 'sabbath' is kept holy.
    Cheers
     
    Mr. Tony and Boxer17 like this.
  18. Mr. Tony

    Mr. Tony Life is like a game of chess.

    Seconded. I could not have said it any better. PMO really is a demon. It lures you in with false promises of happiness and pleasure, and then leaves you to clean up the mess.

    I would like to add that PMO is fake intimacy and will never be fulfilling.
     
    spoofy likes this.
  19. spoofy

    spoofy Active Member

    Agreed, when it comes to visuals our reptilian brain doesn't know real from whats not.

    I'm starting to believe anothere reason we binge is a natural need to take it to the next level, and achieve some sort of intimacy.
    However as that is technically impossible with porn, we seek novelty, or other "fake women" as maybe they'll provide the intimacy.

    Sad really, I do feel this need originally came from a positive place.
     
    Mr. Tony and le_petit_moster like this.
  20. freeman35

    freeman35 Active Member

    I would personally rather have boring real world sex, not PMO and be a healthy person. I would choose that 100 times over being addicted to porn. It used to be my life and I would rather have it back than be a porn user. Of course I'd like to be having great sex as well, but I think it's worth saying that porn is not good sex even if a small part of your brain thinks that it is.
     
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2017

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