Delightfully delusional with a sense of a cold harsh reality

It’s over. I feel like now finally I truly over the status of being a man child and living my life in limbo and complete utter boredom. I want to change and progression, over the status quo and stagnation.

My first step to becoming the man I always envisioned is defeating my porn induced ED and combating my PE. I already feel like I am more than but I want to become an absolute sexual beast. When needed get a rock solid erection and have sex as long as I want. I already have a good supplement and PC protocol which has already worked wonders but now to fully establish it.

The title of this thread. Honestly over the years I have truly now understood how corrupt this world really is and how much I was taught was an absolute fallacy. The lies, the corruption and evilness of people have made me somewhat cold. It is truly a dog eat dogs world, one or two mistakes and you could easily end up in a life of poverty and hardship which your future offspring’s will face. That doesn’t mean everyone is bad, not at all, but there is small 20-30% of the population that are vile, corrupt, evil and spiteful yet these people are the people that succeed in life. No I don’t want to follow their path but I have realized how many of these people exist and how weary I have to be of them.
So no more excuses or talking,

This will become an action led journal, talking about trials and tribulations, my thoughts on life, society, health, finance, education and everything. Total access to Unstable’s mind
Have learn SO MUCH over the years good, bad and evil but now I am downright ready and have no excuses

Wish me luck,

 

Today was an average day. Woke up midday due to my illness. Wasted couple of hours ransoming browsing forums and had to skip through potential triggers. Didn’t eat much due to illness and probably won’t eat much tomorrow as well but start gym again on Friday. Played indoor which was fun and fantastic, over my injury and ready to go. Hopefully tomorrow apply for some work and get two qualifications I need and more research. And tomorrow should be the last day of this cold/flu

 

All it took was one thought that send me into a pathway of self-destruction. Late last night, while struggling with insomnia which is now WITHOUT A DOUBT a porn withdrawal symptom. I started fascinating about banging a hooker like a porn star. This lit my brain, went to a brothel and saw an escort. Home today, I relapsed three times and was potentially going to waste my money again. All because one incident.

The only highlight today was I brought some fish oil and ready to go back to gym tomorrow.

 

Let me vent, let me rant, let complain and let me bang bro,

Where do I begin? How did life turn out like this?

At my younger age, I was a child full of life, vigour, had a thirst for knowledge, couldn’t wait for the new day to the start and NEVER allowed the negativity get to me. Here I am at 2016 a former shell of myself. I have become apathetic, lazy, pessimistic, struggle to wake up, no longer care to laugh or even smile these. Sure, was porn one of the main causes of my life derailing, yes, but the real issue has been my laziness and procrastination.

I have missed out so many opportunities and chances in life ranging from work, education, friendship, women and many other things due to me being lazy and procrastination. It pains me to think about it. And the worst thing is, everything in my life I have been proactive and being on the front foot my life has been amazing and everything has worked out.

Yet continually am lazy and procrastinate. My biggest issues in life. Because of this, I am now, 26, living at home, unemployed and have no education and qualifications, no I am no broke but I feel like I haven’t progressed in my life. Things need to change and things MUST CHANGE.

Now porn and masturbation. Masturbation without a doubt is one of the worst thing a male can do to his health without a doubt. Nearly every time I go 1-2 weeks without porn, I look, feel, and operate amazingly, lifes becomes easier and more enjoyable regardless. Masturbation causes for me, acne, tiredness, laziness, poor sleep and lost vigour. Now porn without a doubt caused by ED and PE. Excessive porn has caused my ED and poor masturbation habits along with squeeze PC muscles to obtain an erection watching porn is why I have PE. I once cured the PE by stop watching porn and doing PC muscles control. And truth be told, I wonder the immense damage I have done to myself watching porn and masturbating during my development phase. Like if I experience the amazing benefits in my mid 20s, how much more growth and development I experienced if I wasn’t a addict?

Currently, sexually, mentally, education wise and employment wise I am defeated but like the phonexi I will and must rise from the ashes. Over the past 5 years, I have learnt a lot about life, education, health, women, finance that has made me battle harden and really for the cold harsh realities of life

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEwSfbE9IXc

This song honestly matches up with mentality right now, 8)

 

I turn 26 in 3 months and I'm in the same boat as you
I'm on day 22 since my last PMO, and this is my highest streak since I started 6 months ago.

If you have the willingness to change, and take actions to make that change, then you have to believe you can make it happen. Every action has a reaction. At least that's what I tell myself lol.

 

I always knew it was important. I always knew it was THAT important. But I refused to accept it acknowledge the power it had over people. But now I have accepted the reality that sadly the most important thing to people is money. Money is a form of power. And as a man after a certain age, people will only care how much money you have and you income. Nothing else matters and society harshly judges you on it and it makes a lot of people man and woman go crazy.

So after this cold harsh acceptance is it time to rein in my spending and look to make much money as humanly possible. I calculated that since 2016 started till now I have spent 15k of my savings and I have nothing to show for it. I generated no income whatsoever since I enjoyed the unemployment life. Within a month’s time I will run out of welfare and the new financial start. So I hope within a months’ time I will have a new job, fix my slight debt issue and generate some wealth to fix some issues in my life. This is a snippet of my thoughts on money, I have a lot more to say. But this is straight of the thoughts of my head, I truly now understand economics, finances, work and wealth creation. It is a cold harsh world at there and dog eat dog world, if I have my money together I should be shielded from the craziness. I have plans and want to make major moves and don’t want to be left behind.

I ain’t even worried about my latest relapse, financial freedom and wealth creation is all I’m thinking about. Tomorrow hopefully is my last major expense, fix car and that’s it. Will squeeze every dollar and look to stack paper as much as possible

 

True, it's truly amazing what a change in mindset can achieve

 

Seeing an escort was a low point. PMOing over girls I could smash was a low point. Rejecting sex because I feared PE/ED was a point. But without a doubt, yesterday was ROCK BOTTOM. I was caught PMOing by a family member in my room at the age of 26 whilst being unemployed.

Never been so embarrassed and shameful. And to make matters worse, it looks like I will have my welfare cut. All my problems I face today are a direct result of my procrastination, laziness and being too comfortable. So disgusted with myself truthfully like never before.

Tonight is a huge indoor match. Cannot wait, only thing I look forward to these days,

 

Honestly I need and want to dig deeper.

I realize I give people too much advice whilst my life is in the doldrums. And the solid advice I give people I rarely use myself. This is something I will no longer do period.

I think about other people too much, it is one of the weirdest side to me. I always wonder, I wonder what X is doing now or is X thinking about me, lol. No stupid no one is thinking about you and everyone has their own problems.

And finally, I realized no one is loyal towards me except my mother, even her loyalty has conditions. I noticed my sisters are very focus their family and themselves and never care about anything else. They quickly forget what I did for them but I can’t blame them, this is the nature of women,

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rk93hTVRpW8

This is who I need to be. Figuratively speaking of course. There’s an Unstable I want obtain, a form or an idea. I truly believe I can reach it if I become obsessive with the plan and put all my efforts into. Underdog talked about this in the beating PMO addiction and for years I avoided doing so I like being a child and was afraid of responsibility. Now in 2016 nearing 27, I had enough, I want to be a man and lead the way in my life and help my family. There is so much I need to do and want to do.

Here is a few things I want to do in short to long term

Break the 70kg mark of lean muscle

Look best as possible, clear skin, white teeth, prefect haircut, prefect beard
Dress on point, whether for job interviews, clubbing, nights out and even going to the grocery store, I want to look sharp as possible
Address my financial situation finally, know exactly my net worth and know where I stay regarding the dreadful debt
Start REALLY making plans to make money, side hustles, look for careers in engineering, construction, electrical or anything that pays a lot and has HUGE technical side to it
Get my passport and start making travel plans,
Research buying a new car immediately
Research about plans to move out
No more internet addiction, no internet after 8pm PERIOD
Social a lot more and try to mend broken bridges
Address if I maybe need braces and get bloodwork of my health(Especially skin)
NOFAP /Semen retention forever,
Proper supplementation
Sleep early, wake up early except nights I go out
Remove gluten
Go High Fat High protein
Learn about the male endocrine system, male sexual organs and prostate gland in depth and brain as well

Attack life at full throttle with positive mindset and see where I end up. No wasting precious time and days, no more mercy and no more mr nice guy

I realized over the days even when I relapsed that I am over my PE it seems, my erection even watching porn or mastrubatining is 99% erection and my PC muscles are relaxed. I think I am over both however, I MUST be diligent and I will run a full thread about how to cure PE IMO(Give me a 3 months and I will right to my best of abilities) Also my brain fog is gone, headaches and think clearer. Without a doubt there is a link between your sexual organs and brain and even hair as well.
Best of luck all lads in this struggle.

 

Just a quick little update,

Life is progressing somewhat well. Cleaning up my diet, went 4-5 days without gluten/wheat/grains. Had grains today, and suddenly my nose is blocked up again and feeling ill when I am well. But however, physically and mentally I am peaking and honestly with proper supplement, diet, exercise and semen retention I think I can reach new heights. I’m more excited about life than ever before. I swear on the lord all mighty, I will never watch porn again or masturbate. Youth is truly fleeting and I want to maximize my days,

Here we go

 

I have been a total bitch over the past few weeks and even months, being lazy, being unmotivated with a few bouts of motivation. How can I complain about anything? 26, healthy, have some savings, social net in the country I live, living rent free and finally living in a developed first wold nation. I have no excuses, enough IS FUCKING ENOUGH. Bored of being unemployed, bored of being afraid of the future and finally bored of this laziness.

 

Even I have relapsed here and there, my mind is at a great place at the moment. Currently I am at a state of acceptance. I accepted the corrupt nature of this world, accepted the fickle nature of this world, accepted the randomness of this world, accepted we actually don’t have that much control over life as we think, accepted the evil side of man and woman, the burden on males, the competition for resources and lies and deceit. But with all this said I never had a zeal of life as I do now, so many things I want to do, try, learn create. In a positive way and a self-defence way I want to accumulate as much knowledge, power, money and resources as possible while entering the battle of wits and social warfare with other males. Controlling and manipulating women is easy but subjugating other male is the key to a successful life.

And honestly, with all my sisters and mother, I realise I cannot count on their support as I would have hoped, females have a complete different view on life and needs, years I was denied positive masculine present and knowledge of a elder male but I have all the knowledge now I wish I had at 18-21 but I know with a killer work ethnic, relentless drive and hunger I can make up for "lost" and crave out the life I desire and thirst after

Fucking BRING IT,

8)

 

I'm the same as you. Same age, same situation, same lack of positive male role models, etc. The one thing I've come to realize from my constant PMO abstinence-relapse-binge cycle is: Motivation means nothing, and I mean nothing, if you do NOTHING with it. Even though I relapsed 4 days ago, I'm actually in a much better state than I was when I started this journey of self-improvement. Even though I had to reset my counter, I didn't lose all the hours I put into training and studying. I spent years not caring, years thinking about caring, and finally I stopped thinking and started DOING. That's all that matters in the end. Use your temporary motivation to build discipline, and by discipline I mean doing the things you need to over & over & over again until it becomes a natural living habit. Motivation only gets weaker over time, while discipline & habits only get stronger and easier.

 

Dude, subjugating people is not the key to success in life. You're going from being weak and wimpy to being a sociopath.

The opposite of crazy is still crazy, you know? You don't have to subjugate other men to come off as strong. You can set boundaries, work towards your own goals and help others while you're at it without being a maniac. I suggest you read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover.

BTW, you wont beat PMO by being obsessed over it. You've sworn to the almighty already, you've said enough is enough so many times in this thread, and yet, you're on day one according to your counter. I know how it is because I've been through this. You create a new routine of relapsing and get addicted to that.

I know it's been said a million times. But I found meditation really does help a lot. It helps you see things for how they are. It distances you from your thoughts, because that's just what they are, thoughts, which you can ignore. I think we here that are addicted are also people that are "in our head" a lot. Meaning we're at the mercy of what thoughts currently go through our head. When you relapse you're thinking "enough is enough" and for some time, that's true. When you go a few days and are feeling better, you're thinking "maybe a peek wont hurt..." and that's just what happens and you relapse.

Once you learn to ignore all these thoughts, you're no longer at their mercy. Because they're all the same fake shit. The ego boosting "YEAH *NOW* WILL BE DIFFERENT BRING IT" and "Maybe just a little peek". Once you start meditating, you finally see that they're all shallow and don't help much. They just suck you into your head and take control away from you.

 

I've started meditating 20 minutes a day as part of my daily routine, and those 20 minutes feel like 3 hours, seriously. Plus it causes both my feet & legs to fall asleep.

 

Hey, thanks for your post

You are definitely right, going from one extreme to another isn’t constructive nor a proper long term plan. And yes, I actually read the book never finished. Will want to read and finish it before the year ends hopefully.

Yes, even with my relapses, I have IMPROVED so much. I certain I don’t have ED anymore but just mild PE which is easily cured with NO PMO and proper PC muscle training techniques which worked wonders for me last time I was serious about them. Like I reached the point where I VERY bored with PMO and how my life stagnant now. I actually think about my life, future A LOT more than sex or PMO.

Hopefully, I can end the year well and have great 2017

 

The best times in recent years for me was when I was discipline and worked hard. Like my physique improved, my social life improved, controlled my PMO and enjoyed life even more. Yea, for the first time I actually graph my life, have plans on excel and plans to micromanage my life and at least try and create the life I want.
Underdogs thread/post rings in my era daily

 

Hey lads,

It’s good to be back. And from now on, definitely more journaling about my life journey.

Healthwise, I have NEVER felt better in my life. Since removing sugars, wheat, processed food and fixing my digestion issues, I never have felt better and looked better. Also thanks to my dietary changes, mentally I feel amazing. My mental issues and brain fog only resurface when I relapse which is now down to an all-time low.

Now honestly on the life front I have been kind of lazy, some success with numerous failures due to me not even trying. I have no real accountability and I back to journal to keep myself honest. Will start honest daily journaling about my life, thoughts, and emotions and will try hardly talk about my sexual health, as I don’t want to obsess with it.

I have big plans, all thanks to finally finishing that book. No more Mr Nice guy, so many hard truths and reality, the book was painful as it spoke many truths and majority of his theories applied to me.

So I am here, really to make changes. No more counters but spreadsheets, much better method and more rewarding,

Very excited for the future and more over about the past than ever before

Unstable is happy and still hungry and always be humble,