Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Alphaman, May 16, 2020.

  1. Alphaman

    Alphaman New Member

    I'm posting this from another account and I don't care if get banned for this. This is just the obvious truth.

    I feel that the current site owner, Alexander whose forum name is Yourbrainrebalanced, who is also the owner of is intentionally killing YBR. He is just watching as it's drowning and dying. The forum is not the same as before.
    There is only a few regularly active members which I think after some time will get bored and will stop posting here as they don't receive any comments on their posts.
    I don't wanna visit YBR to find that the last post was a year ago.
    He is not only neglecting the forum. He's also actively trying to stop people from posting posting and to post on nofap instead. Check that locked thread.

    YBR is a completely different website. It's a site that alex is trying to let die in peace. Not which he has created and cares about. No one will ever care about YBR if we don't. It has helped us through our darkest times and it means a lot to us. YBR must not die.

    Take a few moments and reply to active journals, it really makes a difference. Share your thoughts and motivate others. Only us could save YBR

    I really miss Underdog. I miss the good old times...
    Saq likes this.
  2. DoneAtLast

    DoneAtLast Active Member

    I don't know exactly what he could be doing. I've seen this board kinda die off on its own, to be honest. We had some overzealous posters posting nonsense for a long time, and if it isn't getting the traffic, it just isn't getting the traffic. NoFap is the one that comes up earliest in search results and gets talked about in news articles.

    Don't get me wrong, I wish it to be otherwise, but without real evidence, I have no idea what you're talking about.
  3. Alphaman

    Alphaman New Member

    Okay, I'll summarize the situation.

    For whatever reason Underdog sold YBR to Alex, maybe cuz he became busy and couldn't take care of the forum anymore. Alex would never care for the forum as underdog did and this is completely natural as he owns nofap and he will instinctively give more attention to the site that he created.

    But we should thank Alex for keeping the site up, it could have been shut down after underdog lost his motivation. Thanks Alex!

    As a result YBR is dying, and if we don't do anything about it no one else will. YBR needs leaders who motivate others and encourage them to keep showing up and to never give up.
  4. DoneAtLast

    DoneAtLast Active Member

    I'm still not following A) what Alex is neglecting to "keep up" the site, or B) what he might be maliciously be doing to "kill" (your word) this site in favor of NoFap.

    I agree that Underdog was a particularly good moderator, but that is the only change I've seen. The people who need to be here to motivate and encourage are other users. If anything, YBR lost out on this because of a handful of overzealous posters resurrecting old threads and posting odd theories turning it into a hot mess. I'm not sure that moderation under Underdog would have been all that different, though maybe it would have been.

    Frankly, as long as people have a place to go to get help, I'm happy. What I don't want is a bunch of lunacy that makes the whole rebooting from porn movement seem like a bunch of weirdos. My role in these boards has morphed to some sort of veteran status where I try to offer my perspective having quit porn going on three years ago. I have an account on the other site, but haven't posted yet because I want to hang here, but if I did migrate over it would only be because I'd see more people that I could help and more activity, and not because of anything anyone is doing to this site, again, except maybe the overzealous posters from a while ago.
  5. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    That's true. But that trend began years ago, before the change of owners. So I don't see a cause-and-effect-relationship between the owner situation and the diminishing active users. I'm thankful YBR didn't die after TheUnderdog left.

    Having said that: I don't think it's clever if he posts links to NoFap. NoFap and NoPorn are used somewhat interchangeable and many people actually are talking about porn if they talk about NoFap.

    I second that, though.
    Alphaman and Pete McVries like this.
  6. Doper

    Doper Active Member

    I don't really see this forum as near death at all. Maybe the "porn addiction" subforum isn't that busy, but that's doesn't really mean much because generally it's just the same dozen or so questions being asked and answered over and over. The journal forums have a good number of people posting and I'd say are quite healthy.
    Pete McVries likes this.
  7. Pete McVries

    Pete McVries Well-Known Member

    Furthermore, Alex started quite a few monthly challenges at the beginning of past months but probably stopped because no one was actively participating. As an owner, he is not responsible for what the users make of it. It's like Luke said, YBR became a calmer place over the years but this started way before YBR changed ownership...
    Alphaman and Doper like this.
  8. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Honestly, I like the site better the way it is now. At least in the sections where I am active most people are doing their best to deal with their issues and try to help each other out. The old board had a lot more guys that just hopped on the No-Fap-bandwagon and a lot of the discussion seemed kind of immature and unhelpful. There might be less people now, but I like coming here.

    As for the link to NoFap: to me there is a difference between NoFap and rebooting. While I don't think Alex his response was necessary, I'm more than fine with keeping NoFap on NoFap:)
    Alphaman likes this.
  9. Alphaman

    Alphaman New Member

    I'm saying we should thank him because he's keeping the site online.
    Okay, I think I got too emotional because I really care about this place. If this was my site that I cared about and I was the "Admin", I would at least check it every day. I would have done much more . But not all people are alike, you know. What you may consider normal, I consider it to be neglect and even treason.

    If you all think there is nothing wrong, then I'm the one who has a problem. My problem is that I love this place.

    Sorry for bothering you guys.
  10. Alphaman

    Alphaman New Member

    Agree, there is a lot of immature stuff there and it's difficult to find the helpful content as there are tons of posts every minute.
    Last edited: May 19, 2020
  11. Alphaman

    Alphaman New Member

    Check this
    There are days which had a total of one or two posts.

    Just forget it man. We're all busy.
  12. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    I was a bit puzzled by that 'this belongs to nofap' comment as well. Still not sure if I understand the difference actually. And is reboot nation even another niche?

    But I guess it good that you mention this, cause everything that can make this place nicer is welcome right? A while ago there was a request for more moderators cause there was so much spam, and now we have more moderators. And less spam!:) So if you have some concrete suggestions for improvement, there might be something that can be done.

    It can be quiet here on YBR and I am always sad if guys start a journal and never come back after their first relapse. But I wouldnt know what to do about it. There are always a lot of people welcoming the new guys, but it does not make a very large difference.

    Any other ideas why nofap is so much more popular then? Just less letters to type in your browser? I think reboot nation is also more alike YBR, isn't it?

    Anyway, I love this place to and hey, maybe we are all about quality and not quantity ;)
  13. DoneAtLast

    DoneAtLast Active Member

    It is a chicken/egg thing. If there isn't a lot of good activity, people don't come back. If people don't come back, there isn't a lot of good activity. If there isn't a lot of good activity.... you get the idea. NoFap is getting more traffic, so it is getting more new users, so it gets more traffic... again, you get the idea.

    When the site was busier there were more people sincerely trying and looking for advice, but there was also a lot more "bro science", and I think a lot of that has run its course. Those people don't seem to be posting anywhere... maybe the link between the fitness world or PUA groups doesn't exist anymore or something....? In a way I am glad for that because rebooting shouldn't just be an overnight "get better ereections!" sales pitch. Those people likely never gave up porn. The one that always stands out in my memory was the guy who wanted to know how long to give up porn before his vacation to Thailand so he could get massive boners for prostitutes (which he insisted weren't prostitutes... :rolleyes: ).

    I think the whole movement is ready for a new shot in the arm, honestly. The data is there for people, but it only exists for people who have already put 2 and 2 together to figure out they have a problem, suspected porn is the problem, searched it out, and then found the argument convincing amidst all the counter arguments. That isn't exactly getting the news out there. After that, they sometimes have to deal with people trying to quit porn who are absolutely off their rockers. Maybe I got too upset with the couple posters who were here pretty much spamming the board, but it really REALLY bothered me that some people were probably really suffering, felt close to having answers why, and then got scared off saying "okay, I've seen all I need to see... this porn addiction thing is a crackpot theory" because one guy is talking about women on the bus trying to steal his semen in a new post every other day and another replied to his thread telling him about his "technique" of yelling at yourself in the mirror. There are a handful of really good veterans on this board, but those guys were out posting all of us combined.

    NoFap has better branding, for sure. They have the name going back to the Reddit group, they have a great site that gives a solid run down, they get linked to more often, while YBR used to have a very close link to yourbrainonporn (I think?) which led people here. I'm not sure that Gary Wilson is as much the focal point of the movement anymore. Maybe I'm wrong.

    Maybe there should be some discouragement of people trying to be too big of experts? I have no idea how to enforce it, though. I've seen over on Reboot Nation you'll get brand new people who type this horribly long winded and horribly written screeds about their own special technique for quitting porn and then disappear. They always read like a super shady supplement ad a few banner links removed from a news article. I suspect none of them have made much progress into their own reboots, because it all feels rather derivative. There was a time when Gary Wilson was posting semi-regularly, and while I don't think he engaged in back and forths aside from the actual science (to avoid being considered any kind of therapist, presumably) his presence did have a mediating effect.

    Any addiction is constantly sitting on your shoulder telling you to come back, that it never did any harm, and it is your only friend. Addiction creates and sustains the environment where you need that thing which you are addicted to. It doesn't take a lot to tell someone who is hooked on porn that it is either useless, pointless, or some combination of the two to try and quit.

    As for me, all I care about is that people looking for help, motivation, and validation for their suspicion that porn is destroying their lives, I don't care which site helps. I have no vested interests besides supporting Reboot Nation on Patreon, but that mission is broader than a message board. As far as I know it isn't a day job for Gabe and just a passion project anyway, so I would suspect he feels similarly, he just wants the message out there. Honestly, I'd have started posting on NoFap by now, but there are so many boards I'm not really sure where to begin for doing what I normally do on these boards, as someone who gave it up going on three years ago and shows up to (hopefully) help.
    Pete McVries, Gil79 and Doper like this.
  14. Doper

    Doper Active Member

    @DoneAtLast - I'm glad you're here....And they REALLY WEREN'T prostitutes....GOD!!!
    Pete McVries and DoneAtLast like this.
  15. DoneAtLast

    DoneAtLast Active Member

    Nah, just women desperate to immediately sleep with greasy western neckbeards in expectation of money. Seriously though, this guy had this whole nympho fantasy of getting off the plane and women just attacking him. Presumably trying to steal his semen. :)
    Pete McVries and Doper like this.
  16. Doper

    Doper Active Member

    Jokes on you man I shaved my greasy beard before the flight.
    DoneAtLast and Pete McVries like this.
  17. Alphaman

    Alphaman New Member

    So what's your cool technique to quit porn. I mean you're 500+ days clean.
  18. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Maybe just take out the general discussion sections. There's hardly anything useful posted there (here). What really makes YBR are the personal journals and the success stories section. I think the accountability partner section may also be useful, although hardly used either. That will really discourage people to just come here to post nonsense or weird theories. If people have their specific ideas on rebooting or quitting porn, then they can do that on a more personal basis in their own journals where it doesn't affect the 'whole community'.

    Some of the more legendary or useful threads (e.g. underdogs thoughts on rebooting) can be kept and closed for further posting . . .
    Doper and Pete McVries like this.
  19. Pete McVries

    Pete McVries Well-Known Member

    What crosses my mind regularly is that a short and precise list of useful things, activities, general dos and don'ts, and perhaps topics where there is no consensus when rebooting would be very useful. And that list should be bold and a sticky on top of the pornography addiction section, so that newcomers can read in right away. Sometimes, I think "we" wrongfully assume that most of the newcomers have gone the same route "we" have gone. Meaning, either having found YBOP or Gary's TED Talk and then being directed to one of the reboot forums in order to get support while staring a journal. The impression I often get is that many new users coming to this place are oblivious to a lot of studies, facts, terms and helpful solutions for their situation. It would be great if they could be easily made aware of said list, so samey discussions wouldn't be needed. Of course, personal help is great and should be offered further on.
  20. DoneAtLast

    DoneAtLast Active Member

    I'm not sure if I'm clear on your question. My beef with those posts probably wasn't well expressed. They often read like a sort of "I have discovered the ULTIMATE TECHNIQUE" thing that in the real world would lead to something like "buy my book!" or "sign up for my courses!" but instead the posts just trail off into nothing. It is likely just a typical social media reflex where people want lots of likes and replies, and having newly discovered this community they see a window.

    I have no one or two paragraph "technique" like "eat broccoli", "retain semen" or "yell at yourself in the mirror". I attempted to write up a "quick start guide" at one point a year ago, but it ended up way too long to be a quick start guide, so now my MO is to try to tailor what I say to best fit whatever someone seems to need to hear, which usually means getting them to talk more and tell us where they're hitting obstacles. I might revisit it, but I'm lacking any strokes of genius on how to make it better. It would have to either be broken down and organized extremely well, or seriously thinned out. Some things sort of rise to the top that I can usually tell everyone, like: keep relapses short, learn your triggers, learn how your triggers have triggers, be prepared for your ideas about sex to change, etc. etc. because they seem to be inevitably useful to everyone, but each one needs more explanation and never works well as a single easy to read post.

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