31M. First had access to porn when I was a teenager, and have been jacking it to porn ever since. Reflecting on it now, I never realised how much if affected my mood and how it made me feel depressed throughout my early 20s. For that reason, I was never really interested in pursuing girls, probably because I wasn't feeling horny enough. I didn't get my first gf until 24. Things were mostly fine, but I did suffer from ED time to time. And then I found about your brain on porn, and everything made sense. Why I was feeling depressed, why I was experiencing ED. I reduced porn usage, but would ocassionally relapse. After I broke up with my gf at the time, I went on a super streak of 2 months no MO. I felt way better and thought I fixed myself. And I did for the most part. A lot less ED, but then I'd relapse after a while thinking it was OK since I've mostly fixed the problem. For a while when I was single, not PMOing was a superpower that gave me the confidence to go and pickup girls. I was having a pretty decent sex life. Fast forward to today, now I'm married, but I don't have sex with my wife so often. During this time I'd watch porn just just out of boredom, but also because I thought I fixed myself and it was OK, just some entertainment. I was watching porn for many hours the other day, and after PMO, I was feeling pretty depressed the next few days. It felt like all the dopamine had been drained from my system. I wasn't feeling masculine and confident like I normally would. And then I realised I need to do better, for myself, and for my partner. In order to be the best version of myself. I've been half assing curbing this porn addiction my whole life, oscillating between feeling good about myself and then relapsing because I think I'm fixed and it's OK. But this has to end. Just no more porn. I don't need it to be happy. I don't necessarily think MO is that bad, but the real problem is when I spend hours watching porn, which completely drains my dopamine system and leaves me feeling depressed. I think it's natural to release yourself, whether with a partner or by yourself, when you are feeling extremely horny. Sometimes when I'm feeling horny, I just keep edging all day, looking at instagram models (I will keep IG uninstalled from now on because this is an easy trigger for me), but not cumming because I know I will feel guilty about it. It always eventually leads to MO or PMO in the end, so why not rub one off and stop wasting so much time and get on with your day. My goal firstly is to rebuild that connection with my own body and see how things go from there. I need to listen to my own body and release myself when I need to, but without porn. The middle way is the path. Porn is evil. Apart from draining you of your vital life force, I find that it also affects my expectations and perceptions of reality. I'm daydreaming of other women, when I should be more grateful of my current partner and what I have in life already. Which is why today, I'm deciding to be better.