Been here a few years ago. And as much as I've tried to crack this addiction I've found myself in relapse after relapse. This will be another journal which I hope to make time to update daily. I've had enough of this devastating narcotic and the impact it's left in my life. The worst thing is that it uses your own natural brain chemistry against you. I expect pain, the blues, and symptoms of withdrawal, but strive in the hope for a better tomorrow. Today is the only time to act. I've already sustained 15 days of no PMO, so that's where I'll start this counter.
Days 16 and 17 done. Some thoughts and imagination of girls I liked strictly on the screen, but then thinking about how far I took it for granted when I really was with someone. Perhaps these are part of urges, but distracting myself with other things to teach the mind to gain pleasure from actually doing something. Rather than instant gratification for nothing.
Day 19 down. Still getting some urges, mostly in the mornings. Some original thoughts and imagination too. Also one or two dreams that I had relapsed. Accepting it all and moving forward.
Day 20 done. My initial goal as it were is 90 days. So I'm getting excited about coming up on the first 1/4 of this big goal. My smaller goals being the fulfilment of each quarter, and super long term being all the way up to 120 and 150 days. To the point where it becomes natural and automatic to live life free of it. Of course I don't want to say I'm giving room to relapse, but it is something I've let myself fall into before. Should the worst happen I hope to be accountable and to get on with it again.
Days 21 and 22 done. Some urges again, mostly in the mornings. But staying strong and moving forward. Taking every urge as a sign of healing and improvement.
Days 25, 26, 27, and 28 down. Still learning to live with the urges. Might be entering a bit of a flat as well.
Good progress so far dude! Have you thought about treating yourself at milestones like days 30, 60, etc?
Day 29 done. Moving forwards. Thank you Sir. I have thought of treating myself a little bit after smaller milestones like 30 days and 60 days and such. I'm not yet sure how to do so. Maybe a nice meal or doing something fun with some friends or perhaps something totally different. Certainly I'm looking forwards to coming up on the first 1/3 of this overall goal.
Days 30 and 31 done. Thinking of a little treat on the upcoming weekend, getting the bike out and going for a bit of a saunter. Fresh air, new angle on old sights. So there's this colleague of mine who just happens to be female. And I don't know if she's always been like this and I've never noticed it, but she seems to be acting more girly or more feminine around me. I can't say what it is for certain, but it's definitely intriguing my interest.
Days 33, 34 and 35 done. Feeling a bit down. Maybe some fog has cleared and it's because I'm starting to ask myself about my place in the world. Or maybe it's part of a flat? I'm not certain. Still going.
Days 36, 37, 38, and 39 done. Up and down with that sad feeling. And an urge today which seemed to linger for quite some time. Again taking it all as a sign of healing and getting used to life free of addiction. Looking forwards to coming up on the halfway mark in about another week.
Days 40, 41, 42, and 43 done and dusted. A couple more days and I'll make 50% So that's something I'm looking forwards to.
Days 44, 45, and now 46 down. Just eclipsed 50%. Had a look through my old journal here from a few years back, being very cautious now because it's getting close to where I had a relapse last time. If I remember right I was just coming out of a flat and was really starting to get proper morning wood. But I think that turned into a combination of baby dosing with bikini photos and such and edging over a longer period of time. Of course that slip eventually led to a fall all the way back down to the basement. The goal here is direct abstinence, don't touch it and let it heal itself. Keeping the door shut in the pursuit of my goal and in hope of a better tomorrow.
Days 47, 48, and 49 done. Saw some friends over the weekend and the activities we did were a great distraction from any PMO related things or triggers. So, really entering the danger zone now in terms of my last relapse. Going to be strong and pass right on through it though.
You got this bro! You're doing really well. While its certainly a good idea to be aware of your "danger zone", you're not defined by your past, you're different now to how you were before.
@Anonymous Jack. My experience is that if I allow the slightest trigger (boredom, being alone, viewing something etc) I quickly get back to PMO. So the only thing to do is to immediately remove myself from the situation, and distract myself by engaging in one of my interests. I just can't trust myself. I'm only half the way you are on the day counter. So I don't yet know how difficult it is going to be. I'm planning on rebooting for 60 days. Then I am hoping to be able to M to O. But that will only be possible if it doesn't lead me back to PMO. I don't see anything wrong in principle with M, hut obviously it shouldn't be necessary if you are in a relationship. So I'm chasing you.
Days 50, 51, and 52 down now. Pushing on through, Thanks guys Hopefully I am different enough now to accomplish this. That I understand enough both outside and inside to be able to keep dealing with it. More so a way of living or a lifestyle than an actual challenge, but we shall see as the days go by. @DBA I've found I had to do the same kinds of things, engaging other interests or activities when an urge or trigger has presented itself. A slight change of lifestyle has also been immensely helpful for me. I used to consume it using a laptop on my bedside table. It was very easy to just have a peek or baby dose on bikini photos etc, but it always led back down to the bottom of the rabbit hole. I've just removed it out of the bedroom entirely, kind of a trigger in itself. But to use that laptop somewhere else like in a living room forces me to use it responsibly where I cannot indulge in the use of porn. Also, that last remark about chasing me so to speak. I hope to do right by you. Just keep going and going, things seem to be getting better. I'm looking forwards on congratulating you on your 30 and 40 and 50 days.
