Day 65: I feel depressed and can’t seem to find a reason why except the fact that I am not PMO now?

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by VJONW, May 9, 2019.

  1. VJONW

    VJONW New Member

    Hi all,

    I am on day 65 of no PMO there have been bouts of me getting Uber depressed for (what I believe) is no other reason except the fact that I am not watching porn anymore.

    I watched it twice a week for probably 30-45 mins at a time.
    I personally thought quitting this would be a lot easier, but it’s been hard and I find myself craving it often. What gives?
    I read a second ago on this forum that days 90ish to 120ish is where it really starts to liberate and you have a bit more creative energy and all of that.

    Am I just needing to hold out a bit more?

    I have always had an underlying layer of optimism in my life so I know things don’t last forever, but DAMN this is lasting a LOT longer than I thought.

    Signed,
    -Depressed, but hopeful.
     
  2. Perigee

    Perigee Member

    It depends on your history. If you started at or before puberty and used it for all of adolescence, recovery takes much longer than 90-120 days to start to see signs of improvement.
     
  3. VJONW

    VJONW New Member

    Ahhh I see, I have used it for as long as I can remember. I will keep this in mind. Just gonna though it out!
    Where are you on your journey Perigee?
    Thank you for your reply.
     
  4. doneatlast

    doneatlast Active Member

    Sometimes quitting porn has the effect of showing what you might have been self-medicating all along. Don't consider this a diagnosis by any means, but perhaps you were prone to spurts of depression during porn, but that was when you had a porn session and medicated it away. Sometimes we don't see these things clearly until they are properly isolated.

    I mention it only because that is what was happening with me with mild depression and anxiety. I had/have both, porn made them both worse, but because I'd go to porn when approaching a downward spiral, I never felt a low and never really knew what I was going through.

    It could also just be boredom. No porn dopamine hits can leave you with an overwhelming "meh" in your life. I think this is why many people find a reawakening of old hobbies during rebooting.

    As far as time frames go, I found that around the 80-90 day mark was when the reboot took on a different flavor. It was less day to day white knuckle, and more long term reorienting my life. After that, it has been a series of incremental gains. I'm over a year and a half now, and I think I still find new gains here and there. The downside is that I don't know if I ever can say it is 100% behind me (I guess why former alcoholics always call themselves "recovering alcoholics"), but the upside is that there are always ways to make my life better. Right now I'm working on my imagination. I've found that a lifetime of porn means that I picture things way too quickly and easily involving the people around me, which means too many triggers and thoughts. There'll always be improvements to make, for sure. I didn't have high speed internet until my early 20s, so I may have had it easier than many others here.
     
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  5. VJONW

    VJONW New Member

    Thanks for you reply doneatlast.
    It’s hard for me to admit but I believe that you are right about the medicating part. I have found myself in new hobbies and that part has been awesome.
    I will keep trucking along.
    Thank you friend.
     

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