day 5..its getting harder today.

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by gerrit1971, Jul 14, 2012.

  1. gerrit1971

    gerrit1971 New Member

    Hi .
    I have been addicted to porn since I was secretly watching my dads dirt magazines. Later in life I sometimes rented a porn movie...my first relation(s) with woman was all about sex.
    Then, 15 years ago I found a loving wife and we now have two young kids and I have , or should have a happy life. I am happy but not about my internet addiction.
    Yesterday I installed k9 and my wife took the password. I explained her my addiction and that it is getting the best out of me. As she has been internet addicted too and begged me to block her from certain sites she understand the problem very well.

    But with the coming of internet I cant remember a single day that I have been without porn. Well there have been plenty but it feels I have been watching every day. And now I am 41 I am sick of it. I was addicted to gaming and quit that behavior 6 months ago, what caused my brains to reboot after 8 hard weeks of withdrawal. But in the past period I noticed my internet addiction where porn is the worst part of it...has increased. This happens when "things"happen and I found it as a coping mechanism to beat my stress.

    Today its 24 hours. As I am very motivated its not too hard to stay away , but I feel withdrawal. Anxiety and I sweat a lot , feeling tensed mostly in the morning, what is also a sign of depression/ withdrawal. I notice this feeling from my gaming addiction.

    I never realized there was so much to rewire in my brain, but I hope I stay strong and beat this insanity for once and for all.
    I do enjoy se with my wife and have no problems in performnce..When I have sex I dont think of anything but her.. I enjoy her. But I guess my drive always have been extreme since puberty.

    I think it must end now..I want to enjoy real life again and no longer be addicted to a multitude of images, movies and such. I have read yourbrainonporn.com and that was very inspiring.
     
  2. gerrit1971

    gerrit1971 New Member

    Re: my new journey: quiting internet addiction

    finishing day 2...I wasnt too bad. Periods of heavy sweating. in the morning and after lunch/diner. No urges...not too depressed and satisfied ..The web protection keeps me sane and it was an enjoyable day...
     
  3. gerrit1971

    gerrit1971 New Member

    Re: my new journey: quiting internet addiction

    Start of day 3: again withdrawal ..
    its my addiction telling me I must relax, I must get stimulation. I must watch porn, or play online games, or whatever. But I am supressing the thoughts. its trying to make me do. I am to tensed to feel any arousal, although when I awoke I had it a brief moment...before the voice came I should be watching 200 woman before breakfast. Its a struggle, but I am known to the feeling.
     
  4. gerrit1971

    gerrit1971 New Member

    Re: my new journey: quiting internet addiction

    Day 4. I understand I suffer from PAWS from my former internet gaming addiction. These can take 2 years to come back. it stands for Post Acute Withdrawal syndrom and I was triggered last week, so I bet its true.

    However I do believe I must wquit porn, even when it was nottaking days of my life..I was using it to comfort myself in triggers, and they are not helping. Period.
    today I feel like 50%...acking back. Minor sweating, and less dark morning pea , and a good night rest. Biked a few hours yetserday but the summer is like 40 nights and days of rain so far...what caused Noahs Ark to be build...
    I think saving myself will take long anough and I should be free ackording known psychiatrist in this field, in about 18 months from now ( from the worst PAWS)

    O yeah and I felt no arousal, but some moments I was auotpiloting to porn, by making sudden moves with the mouse...thank god that webfilter is active...
     
  5. gerrit1971

    gerrit1971 New Member

    Re: my new journey: quiting internet addiction

    the worst withdrawal symptoms are over now..still a stiff neck...day 5 ...
    Feeling all time the pulse to get some porn..but I am sealed off.. It s like an autopilot reaction...like I am hypnotized. It was that bad.

    I want to become a father that has two daughters that will be proud of him, not some jerk off that secretly watches porn like....I ned to focus now as desire comes back
     
  6. TrainingTheDragon

    TrainingTheDragon New Member

    Re: my new journey: quiting internet addiction

    Stay strong bro. I'm going to give you a task and focus on this:

    Every time you feel an urge, stand up and take 10 deep breaths. Full and calming breaths. That's it.

    There are a 100 ways to distract yourself and countless arguments you can come up with as to why that's not the most effective but lean on this forum for now and take this advice. It will get you through this day at the very least.
     
  7. gerrit1971

    gerrit1971 New Member

    I dont have withdrawal ...I have another symptom. My mom had it too and she doesnt have internet...or a computer.
    Its when I get an emotional trigger. I get an adrenaline rush that feels slike withdrawal, but actualy I am overpowered by stress. as the adrenaline is not decreasing for days and the stress reaction is nothing compared to the cause....
    Its genetic. I used to watch porn to make this feeling of stress go away... I am not what it is..could be low magnesium, low b6 , low cortisol...Stressed out in past years due various reasons...depression.

    Anyhow, i hope this therapy of no more porn - is giving me a lower baseline on stress so I will improve health over longer terms/
     
  8. gerrit1971

    gerrit1971 New Member

    its going ver well now..have been ccling a lot...I start to forget about internet P..no longer need it.
     
  9. gerrit1971

    gerrit1971 New Member

    internet lock still on..enjoying my new life without mass surf hypnoses
     
  10. Backtothefuture

    Backtothefuture NOBODY calls me CHICKEN

    Don't fall into the temptation. Go all the way. Avoid to relapse over and over again.

    Don't let the dopamine kicks your ass again, especially because now you know it.

    Don't know how many days you are now, the title of your journal and date of your messages and ticker confusing me.

    Nevertheless Go on!
     

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