I tried to think of a fancier title for this post, but somehow keeping it simple seems to fit with my mindset around this recovery process, so "Day 3" it is. I PMO'ed on Saturday morning, it's now Monday morning so in a couple of hours, I'll technically be at the onset of Day 3. It has been reassuring to read on here that some of the things I went through during previous attempts to break this addiction - depression, anxiety, ED bouts, etc - are part of the process. I could never figure it out, and I think I try to diminish the power of this addiction (when comparative to, say, drugs or alcohol) and therefore don't give it credit for being such a beast when it comes to taking its talons out of our flesh. Just knowing that things like a bit of sadness or fear is part of the natural process makes me feel like I can stare it down a bit more assuredly this time. My longest trek of success thus far was five months (earlier this year). My backsliding began by doing what I call 'circling the drain'. I first started doing word searches on places like Twitter and Facebook for things that intrigue me sexually, saying to myself, "Hey, it's not a porn site or videos or anything of the like." I found just enough to crack that old door open again, and then it was a matter of time before I'd excused my way back to 'just one video', and you know the rest. I guess gateways abound on the internet and zero-tolerance is just about the only way to protect oneself. "Just a pinch" of cocaine doesn't really make one sober either, does it? So, here I go again, but this time I'm not alone. I went to some SLAA meetings (in person and online) but found that the porn addiction wasn't being addressed - and sex/love addictions are very different, in my opinion. It's a great program, but it wasn't the right fit for me. That's the insidious thing about this addiction - you have to go out and find external stimuli (a drink, a willing partner, etc) with other addictions, but for many of us, with porn, all we have to do is lose mental focus and our brain already has us conjuring up the ingredients of our downfall. Stay vigilant, stay courageous, stay open, and stay humble - that's kinda my motto with this. And the 12 Step programs do have it right when they say, "One Day at a Time". That's the only way through this. Thanks for being there, brothers (and sisters). Together, we discover ways out and a better way of life.