Daimon's Thinking

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by Daimon, Dec 14, 2012.

  1. You'll get out of it soon man! You just had a 50+ streak, which is a huge accomplishment. Hope you got to learn some new things during. :)
     
  2. Robane

    Robane Member

    Hey man. Keep at it. I'm also at the same spot as you are now. Went through a long streat w/out P, then relapsed. Now I'm stuck in the chaser effect cycle. We just have to get ourselves out of this cycle man, and get back on track. Start posting, journaling, meditating, exercising, etc. I noticed that I start slacking on the those positive activities once I get past a certain number of days. This opens the door to relapse.
     
  3. Daimon

    Daimon Member

    Yo, everybody. Can't believe its almost been a whole year since the last time I posted on here. Where did the time go? Anyway, thank you to everyone who posted on this journal from the last time I personally posted.

    Gosh, so where do I begin? A LOT has happened in the past few months. I got a new job, was there for about 9 months -- lost it over some BS, and am now in the process of obtaining a new job. School has been okay. PMO hasn't been such a huge problem for me lately, but as for the times when it does rear its head -- its bad.

    Emotionally, I've been feeling quite numb. There have been periods of very aggressive feelings, a little sadness here and there, but mostly a numb feeling. Other than that, I'm cool as a cucumber.
     
  4. TCB

    TCB Guest

    Hey mate. Welcome back! :)
     
  5. Daimon

    Daimon Member

    Thanks bro!
     
  6. Daimon

    Daimon Member

    Ah, I forgot to mention. To those who may recall, I was previously taking medication for ADD and depression. I quit taking them about a month ago because I no longer need them. Working at the job I held down for so many months taught me that. All I really need is exercise, socialization, faith and some literature to keep me sharp.

    I foresee the true Nofap benefits coming heavily into play now.
     
  7. Chammorrow

    Chammorrow Member

    Nice to see you bro
     
  8. Lifeisbeautiful

    Lifeisbeautiful Active Member

    That's true. Medication has its place but it helps mostly in reverting your symptoms and the root of the problem stays. A better job environment and social support could do wonders in complete treatment of ADD and depression.
     
  9. Daimon

    Daimon Member

    Indeed, my friend. Social support is key.
     
  10. Daimon

    Daimon Member

    With all that being said...lately I've been thinking a lot about death. I am a wreck right now. I smoked weed 2 weeks ago and thought to myself: "Death probably doesn't feel any different than this...I feel nothing at all." Suicide in my opinion is the ultimate act of cowardice though, so I can't do it.

    Okay, so why am I thinking about all this doom and gloom? Well around the time I was fired from the job I had a few months ago ( I really loved that job...), I had been reintroduced to drugs by a scheming co-worker. To make it short, I fucked up my life again and flunked out of school...again. But, I didn't know I was placed on academic suspension (again) until just a few days ago when I applied for financial aid and tried to sign up for classes.

    I told my fam I had signed up again for school and now knowing how fucked I am I feel like my life is finished. I don't know why my parents have put up with me for so long. I am the first born, and I am aimless. I feel like I'm not the best example to my younger sisters while I stew in this pit of helplessness. I'm 22 years old and I don't know ANYTHING.

    I'm working at a job where I don't get enough hours and am basically broke all the time. This is what Ive done to myself. Why do I hate myself so much. I set myself up for failure when I had an opportunity to succeed.

    This ain't living my friends. This is animated death.
     
  11. Daimon

    Daimon Member

    Oh, and edged again. :p
     
  12. Nuel_sigi1994

    Nuel_sigi1994 Member

    U mean watch porn without orgasm???
    I am new on ur journal so hi Daimon my name is immanuel
    U are not alone here i am sure u will get over this one day
    Anyway u should find some peacful place for u like lake or river

    U said u are smoking weed right? Are u addicted brah?? Anyway do workout mate like lifting weight it could help u
    And set a diet program
     
  13. Lifeisbeautiful

    Lifeisbeautiful Active Member

    Always remember-
    No matter how bad it has been, you can always start it afresh. Yes it will take some effort but rewards will make it worth. Write down what you want. How can you contribute and make a difference in other people's lives? Do small things right and in no time you will begin to feel you have come a long way.
     
  14. Chammorrow

    Chammorrow Member

    Daimon

    You know i've been following you for a while, and we are the same age so I relate to you in a lot of ways. I also basically flunked out the first semester of school and I almost thought that I should just quit while I am ahead. However, you have to understand that even in our failures we are better off than the majority of humankind, we have opportunities to be better, we have the ability to change, and the ability to guide our future. If the school you are at isn't working for you, then sign up for a community college, or start taking online courses..if you need to..take out alternative loans so that you can invest in your future. THere is a solution to everything my friend, you just need to be able to find it. LIfe is war...I'll say again, life is war, and we are battling every fucking day..to stay alive..don't let these imaginary notions of civilizations fool you, at the end we are in the same state of war that we were in back in the medieval days, and back at the hunter gatherer days..it's just different weapons and different tools..YOU HAVE TO SURVIVE
    you understand..
    Start being proactive, Im also the eldest in my family so I understand the pressure that you have, but you are smart Daimon, I know this..you have to lay off the drugs, and you have to be stronger than the influences in your life..don't be the prey be the predator
     
  15. Daimon

    Daimon Member

    Sup Immanuel! I've found that taking deep breaths outside helps a ton when it comes to providing energy for life. Its very subtle, but definitely works.

    I'm not addicted to smoking, my friend. Its just something I partook in a while ago...I've smoked 4 times since this year began; the first 3 with friends...the last time by myself. I'm laying off of it though because the last time I did it -- I freaked out. I was overtaken by a horrible feeling. Its not something I can't go without. I need to face these next months in a sober state.

    When it comes to exercise, I'm generally a very avid participant. I usually hit the gym for about an hour and a half every Mon, Wed, and Fri but I probably need to work on acquiring a better diet.
     
  16. Robane

    Robane Member

    Hey man. Great to see you're back and still succeeding with your reboot! Just avoid peeking and edging. They always lead to relapse, if you're not careful.

    With regards to weed...the point of smoking it is to numb your brain. I personally don't like smoking it at all. Brain numbness is the last thing you want especially since you struggled with depression in the past. Depression is a neurochemical imbalance of norepinephrine and serotonin. Marijuana (and other drugs) also can cause neurochemical imbalances that can worsen symptoms of depression. My advice..avoid all forms of paraphernalia.
     
  17. Daimon

    Daimon Member

    Thanks, LIB. I wrote out a vision I had for myself -- now I just need to enact it.
     
  18. Daimon

    Daimon Member

    Sup Cham!

    Yeah man, you're right. Things in this society have only changed in appearance but the underlying expression of things is still the same. I've decided that instead of going to school this semester, I'm going to find another job. The job I'm working at just isn't cutting it. If I had another job, I'd easily have more funds in the bank for school so I'm putting in the necessary dedication for finding a better paying job.

    When it comes to the drugs, I had been introduced to something similar to weed but not quite. It unleashed havoc once the "honey-moon" period I had with it was over. I indulged to a level that was reminiscent of PMO addiction: overly excessive to a point where it more than likely warped aspects of my personality for the time I was under its influence. I quit it but before I smoked 3 weeks ago I had thought about revisiting it....however time away from drugs of all kinds recently has negated the thought process.

    I relate to you too quite a bit, my friend. Being the first born in the family has always made me feel like I had to be the epitome of success...honestly, it seems that a lot of my mistakes in life have been born out of a desire to run away from that responsibility. I always felt the pressure, but it wasn't until I recently saw how my 13 year old sister's attitude has changed to one of disrespect to me that I truly felt the brunt of my actions.

    It's Now or never at this point. I will stand as a man.
     
  19. Daimon

    Daimon Member

    Hey Robane!

    Indeed, I've reconcluded that I need to stay away from drugs. Its somewhat ironic to me that I'm relearning this lesson again but I suppose it wasn't drilled in properly. I should have known better than to have indulged in hemp substances. I wasn't thinking during a moment of weakness...

    When it comes to PMO, edging has been a prime danger for me. When I think about it in a more meta viewpoint -- I've struggled with edging when it comes to various paraphernalia that I once used in the past -- the desire to continuously carry on without stopping.
     
  20. Lifeisbeautiful

    Lifeisbeautiful Active Member

    In times like these, reading a self help book like awaken the giant within really helps. I strongly recommend that. Do not read all at once. Just read as long as you can relate to it. Autobiography of someone like Dr APJ Abdul Kalam(Wings of fire) can also work to give you a sense of direction in life. Or if reading is not your thing then watch some inspirational video.
     

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