Cuckold fantasy ruins my life ! HELP !

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by Michael22, Jun 13, 2016.

  1. Michael22

    Michael22 New Member

    Good day everyone,first of all I want to say I am ashamed to post over here,but seems right now its my only solution to get rid of my problem which turned into nightmare.
    It does not matter where I am from ,just wanna say that I am a handsome guy,22 years old and like any other guy I started masturbating from around age 12-13,at 18 I met this girl who was very kinky and I liked it ,she was into BDSM things and everything and we had alot of fun,no problems back then. When I split with her(Around 19 years old)I masturbated alot thinking at her,even 3 times per day,but then my nightmare started,the cuckold thing seemed for me very interesting,hot and naughty( of course,me being in the submissive spot) wanting to watch her with other guys with bigger penises. Whenever I jerked off to such kind of porn my erection was ROCK HARD,meanwhile I started dating other girls and I started to notice that I have low erections with them,which was very embarassing for me,they were very kind to me and they all said it can happen to anyone,of course,I told no girls I was with ( relationship or one night stands ) about my fantasy. I had around 8 girls until now and with each of them I had erection problems,I start by being very hard,but my erection goes to about half after 5-10 minutes , meaning I cannot have sexual penetration. I am almost 23 years old and 5 years at least into this nightmare I made myself in the head. I cannot watch normal porn because I do not get hard without thinking that the women in the video are one of my crushes or ex's. I am even afraid to go out to bars and clubs,because I know that girls hit and flirt on me and most of the times they invite me to their place but I always find stupid excuses not to go,because I know I will embarass myself by not getting fully hard.I feel that is gonna be extremely hard for me because ive tied my fantasy with real life . Its so embedded in my mind now that i wont be good in bed anymore so the thought of even attempting it with anyone already makes me scared and panicking that it wont work .I cant say my penis is small,when I last measured it ,it was around 16 cm ,so I guess thats somewhere around 6 inches.I never want this fantasy turned into obsession to become reality,everytime I jerk off and cum to cuckold porn,I blame and curse myself for what Ive become.I tried to stop watching porn,but after 7 days I feel this urge to watch and lower the pressure. For instance,I knew with a girl that we were about to have sex and I even took Viagra pill,which had a very great and good effect,being hard for at least 1 hour and had awesome sex,but I do not want to take this pills everytime I have sex.Thats all I can think to say right now. Sorry for my bad english . Please help me ,I want to be cured,I want to have normal sex. Thank you people,I will wait for replies and responds.
  2. Michael22

    Michael22 New Member

    Sorry if I posted this in the wrong thread.
  3. hugo_c

    hugo_c Member

    Hey man -> lots of people end up watching or getting into BDSM or other hardcore porn. Don't worry it's completely normal and I watched loads of stuff I am ashamed about.

    The first step is to getting rid or porn induced ED (erectile dysfunction) is to STOP watching PORN and to STOP MASTURBATING completely. This stage is called the "reboot". If you need more info check this link:

    Normally after doing this you will start to get STRONG erections and you will have no problems having sex.

    I had this same problem 1 year ago and couldn't get erections for sex. I now have a girlfriend and have NO erection problems whatsoever.

    Good luck on your journey to stop PMO (Porn, Masturbation and Orgasm)!
  4. Michael22

    Michael22 New Member

    So there are still chances to get back to normal? I sure do hope so
  5. Manorwhot

    Manorwhot Ello Luv!

    Dude, I certainly hope so! Porn has fudged me so hard, I have no idea what I like, and my erections died after penetration. But, yes. You should become back to your real self. I started to have a cuckold fetish even though I hated the idea of it so much. You should read testimonies of people after their nofap runs. They genuinely live much better lives and back to living a sexual life. No anxiety or erectile dysfunction. :)
  6. Michael22

    Michael22 New Member

    I hate myself so much everytime I masturbate and ejaculate,I feel so bad,guilty and full of hatred that I cant control myself,Id rather be addicated to ciggaretes or alcohol than this crappy shit that ruins my sexual life. I didnt knew that it could hurt my life so bad in such a manner, and just as you said it , I loose erection when I penetrate a girl. From now on I will start this battle with myself. Wish me luck and thank you for the kind words
  7. jkl

    jkl Member

    Wouldnt that be considered edging since the hormones associated with orgasm keep building up after each orgasm without ejaculation? There are ways to orgasm with no orgasmic ejaculation while also emitting semen and are able to do this multiple times.
  8. kira

    kira Member

    To Op,

    I have been suffering from the same fetishes and have in fact escalated into more disgusting shit. I understand what you are going through and how difficult it might seem to heal.

    But it is possible. Firstly you need to realize that you are not your fetishes. Stop hating yourself and start with self forgiveness. Focus on other areas of your life and build your goals(career, health, hobbies..). Forget about dating for a few weeks because that would only cause more hatred and anxiety if you don't do well.

    Read this

    From personal experience I can tell you that if you don't stop, things will only get worse. You need to push yourself until you are in an upward spiral. Focus on building good habits. I can relate to the way you are feeling, I am in the same boat.

    Also you don't want to be addicted to anything at all. All addictions share something common- 'Running away from reality and difficult emotion/situation.'

    Pm me if you need support :) All the best
  9. Michael22

    Michael22 New Member

    Hi,thank for the kind words,This is the 9th day without PMO,I dont think about those fetishes,and they dont start yet... I just know that it will get harder and harder and days goes by. Are you in the same problem like me ? Still strugling with it or did you won the battle with it ? Thanks for the support man
  10. kira

    kira Member


    Nope, I am still struggling with this (my fetishes have escalated to extreme, it's disgusting and disgraceful) and so as I said in my last post, it will only get worse if you don't stop. I have experienced it. It is like slow poison, you won't even know what it is doing to you for a long time.

    But also recovery is just one decision away. This entire rebooting process is very non-linear so sometimes it might be difficult and sometimes easy. But generally, initial weeks are tough and then it gets easier. You need to set momentum.

    Congrats on day 9!
  11. YellowMinion

    YellowMinion Member

    There is definitely light at the end of the tunnel. I grew to love certain fetishes including some I'm too embarrassed to admit. Fortunately nothing terribly disgusting or extreme but I had became unsatisfied with normal sex. I'm married 20 years to a woman that does not have fetishes. She's very normal sexually. I mean she can be sexually adventurous, naughty, and seductive, (ie. a lot of fun) but nothing outside of what I would consider normal married relational sex.

    I would resort to fantasizing in my mind that I was acting out these fetishes with her even though we were having normal sex. It was the only way I could stay hard and orgasm.

    Porn skews our perception of reality when it comes to women and sex. How women behave in porn is not normal for most women. Yes there are freaky chicks out there but they're the minority and if that's what you want, you have to go looking. I know it sounds great and all, but I don't think those women make very good long-term relationship material. I doubt they'd satisfy the fetishes completely anyway.

    By disconnecting from porn, you'll slowly go back to having a healthy view of women, sex, and relationships. I mean, that fantasy will probably never go away. I still have mine. But those fantasies aren't important like they once were. You start to see women as actual people again and not just actors in a sex role.

    What you need to do is connect with a woman. Have sex with her on a personal level, not with her body. You develop a healthy appetite for that kind of affection and then you'll start to get turned on by it.
    For me, I turned my attention to reviving or rekindling my emotional connection with her. I did it to try to get her interested in more frequent sex, but it had the unintended result of connecting sex with her on personal level (as opposed to just a body I have sex with.)
    I started a year ago and I was having ED issues. I'd get it up briefly, but after 10-15 min of foreplay I'd lose it when it came time for PIV sex. Some manner of effort from her would often revive it, otherwise I'd resort to those fantasies about who she wasn't (not good.)

    Today, she just sends a text asking if I want to have a drink tonight and get hard. She takes off her clothes in preparation to fool around, I get hard. We kiss, I get hard. At one point we unintentionally went 21 days without sex. I managed to not masturbate and not look at porn. I came in less than 2 minutes and that was a struggle. I apologized to her but she said "It's OK, it has been a while, and it's very flattering." I mean, she knew this was extremely unusual for me. Point being I was at a point where sex with her was truly satisfying.

    Might I add, that it was the most intense orgasm I'd had in at least 10 years? I forgot how it felt to have an orgasm that you could feel from your head to your toes, in ever nerve of your body. It was true ecstasy. I'd been blow from my P so long I forgot what a real orgasm felt like. It was the single biggest positive reinforcement to this whole thing.
    Give your androgen receptors and dopamine receptors a long enough break, and they become extremely sensitive to this stimulation.

    This is why even occasional peaks at porn are unhealthy. It refreshes that fetish. And if you see it, it can be irresistible and you may find yourself PMOing to it. It's what I struggle with today when I "miss" my fetishes. What saves me is knowing how good things have become in my marriage sex. They've greatly improved in part because I'm not putting my energy into porn.

    I do have relapses. They're short because it seems like a good idea at the time and I then I'm reminded of how messed up I got and that brings me back.

    So, if you can't get it up, how do you reconnect with a woman and "rewire?"
    Well, if you go long enough without porn and manage to not play with yourself too much, by the time you're with a woman she may seem like a tasty desert, hopefully. But then you'll have anxiety about it. You'll remember you can't it up and it'll distract you.
    I used ED meds and it helped. It gave me confidence so that it wasn't the distraction. Erections came and stayed with ease and after a short time I didn't need them anymore. I know people feel different ways about viagra (etc.) but I rather enjoyed what it did to me and it helped me (assuming you can get it up at all.) Assuming you're interested in trying that, send me a PM and I can tell you what I know about them and where to get them.
  12. Michael22

    Michael22 New Member

    Thats a nice story , but sadly....I am embarassed to say this....I just relapsed 20 mins ago..... after 10 days of no PMO ...I hate myself for this, I thought its gonna be easy but the urged kicked in and I couldnt stop it, I hate it , I hate it, I hate it, I hate myself for this. I want to get rid of this, I want it to stop, I hate what Ive become. :( How can I stay out of PMO for 90 days if I cant even stay 2 weeks. Pffff. What to do ? :(
  13. jkl

    jkl Member

    Lets examine your relapse. Why did you pmo? Was the craving too much for you? When you opened porn, did you not realize that you are entering dangerous territory? Write down your emotions that you feel now. I looked at some porn pictures not too long ago, but I remind myself of why I shouldnt proceed with masterbation. The feelings that we all experience after is why we stop pmoing. I did however have quite strong erections and that adds to the temptation to masterbate. I had really strong urges starting yesterday up to today. Just remember that orgasm is what causes most of your problems. A quick peak at porn wont destroy your ability to maintain an erection or overcome any other problems that you may be experiencing but the orgasm and manual pressure are the culprits.
  14. Michael22

    Michael22 New Member

    Yes,I craved it,I felt that damn urge....I woke up thinking at it , spent around 4-5 hours trying to take it out of my mind,played games,smoked,had a few beers,then I relapsed and started seeing what new cuckold videos are added ....... I hate it,I hate this obsession , When I masturbated today, I had one of the strongest erections I ever had, I dont know if that is good or bad, having hard erections at those obsessions....
  15. jkl

    jkl Member

    This might be out of your comfort zone, but you can try prostate massages. I have done it and it feels great. You leak per-ejaculate mostly but if you dont have a full orgasm for a while you can sometimes leak semen. When your glands are emptied you do lose the feeling and pleasure, but it does have the semi-orgasm feeling to it. I never had a full orgasm or ejaculation from it, but I did leak some semen, not a lot but it was enough to be noticeable that it is semen. It also relieves some of the urges that you may get when you want to pmo. Also if you do intend to try it, when you leak a lot of fluids, there is no refractory period like there is after ejaculatory orgasm. Once you finish prostate massaging you are able to still get full erections thereafter.
  16. Michael22

    Michael22 New Member

    Would Kegel exercises help also my erections?>
  17. YellowMinion

    YellowMinion Member

    It's cute that you thought it would be that easy.
    OK, now that I'm done being condescending....

    Don't be discouraged. I do remember when I started it seemed *that simple*. I remember the first 72 hours were tough because I was at a point of PMO about 4 times a day, so it was physically uncomfortable and sore. About 7 days in things seemed like they were going along fine and I relapsed. I don't remember exactly why, but usually my relapses are triggered by boredom, depression, or a sense of hopelessness. Some of that was fueled by problems in my married sex life, or at least what I perceived as problems (much of it just in my head) and possibly a result of watching porn.
    Whatever it was, I had my reason.

    I went 7 days, relapsed.
    14 days, relapse.
    21 days, relapse.
    30 days, relapse.
    two months, relapse.
    6 months, relapsed, binged, got addicted for a week (daily.) I quit again, went through withdrawals, succeeded.
    1 year. Wife discloses a medial issue preventing sex for a while. I think, what's the harm in doing it one time? Bad idea, I got addicted again and finally after a week I got my crap together and quit again.

    I'm noticing a pattern of each time I relapse it's almost double that of my last successful run.

    Maybe some guys are able to quit and stay quit. I think some are lying about occasional relapses. I know they want to be successful and are ashamed, so if a little denial works for them, so be it. But I think for most guys here this is something that you dig yourself out of slowly. I hope to some day go two years without porn and and realize I just never had the desire.

    I was chatting with a guy online and he said "I used to watch porn, but I'm just so bored with that S***." I thought to myself, "Yeah, come to think of it, it really is freakin' boring isn't it." I mean, I find myself literally bored with most porn. It's rare that I find something that is truly, like, "yeah, that was awesome." So then why do I want it?

    So kick yourself in the balls and have a good pity party over it. Then just re-commit. It won't be easy, but in the long run everything is much better. You don't want to be a slave to that crap.

    The important thing is to make progress. Each time set a goal to exceed your last one and before you know it it'll start to become more effortless. Look at what you were or weren't doing at the time you relapsed and try to find a way to change that behavior so it's not returning to an old lazy habit.

Share This Page