ctr-alt-del

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by FindingSanctuary, Nov 26, 2012.

  1. FindingSanctuary

    FindingSanctuary One foot before the other.

    Re: ctr-alt-del: Let's Reconnect These Wires!

    Sleep has become definitely rare... which sometimes can lead to cranky episodes. But the overall mood is still elated, and gratefulness by far outweighs all the demanding moments.

    Seven insights after seven days of being a new dad:

    1. You never knew you were capable of such love.
    2. You never knew you were capable of such worry.
    3. Your appreciation for your own parents grows immensely.
    4. The respect for single parents grows indefinitely.
    5. The stove top ventilator becomes your best friend.
    6. You never felt this tired before.
    7. You never felt this blessed before.
     
  2. Inner Beauty

    Inner Beauty We fight and we never give up!

    Re: ctr-alt-del: Let's Reconnect These Wires!

    Congrats man, so happy to hear the good news. Congrats on the current reboot too!
     
  3. FindingSanctuary

    FindingSanctuary One foot before the other.

    Re: ctr-alt-del: Let's Reconnect These Wires!

    Glad to see you're back, Steppenwolf. :)
     
  4. FindingSanctuary

    FindingSanctuary One foot before the other.

    Re: ctr-alt-del: Let's Reconnect These Wires!

    Had a good streak and then failed again about two weeks ago. Overall, fatherhood is too rewarding (and keeping me too busy) to occupy myself with PMO. However, in the same way it creeped back in two weeks ago, it could happen easily again. Last time PMO snuck in on me it was in one of those (now very rare) moments when I was alone by myself... I want to watch out for those times, and find another way to "spoil myself". E.g. I could intentionally listen to a favorite song on super loud... How's that?

    Danger might be close: Had a dream last night of me cheating on my wife. While I was doing it, I was most afraid of getting caught - and how that might affect my career... not even my relationship! I don't know where that came from, but even tho it was just a dream: my moral compass was definitely off last night!
     
  5. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Re: ctr-alt-del: Let's Reconnect These Wires!

    Hope the moral compass has been recalibrated.
     
  6. FindingSanctuary

    FindingSanctuary One foot before the other.

    Re: ctr-alt-del: Let's Reconnect These Wires!

    This time it was tumblr. A social media thing that is definitely not for me.
     
  7. FindingSanctuary

    FindingSanctuary One foot before the other.

    Re: ctr-alt-del: Let's Reconnect These Wires!

    I stumbled upon this on FB via a catholic friend this morning:

    'Letting our children consume it freely via the internet is like leaving heroin lying around the house'

    Read the whole article by Martin Daubney
     
  8. Visage

    Visage New Member

    Re: ctr-alt-del: Let's Reconnect These Wires!

    ctrl - alt - del ....that's actually quite funny/witty :D
     
  9. TruettW

    TruettW Active Member

    Re: ctr-alt-del: Let's Reconnect These Wires!

    Tumblr is a minefield. I've set myself up for a relapse or two there. I had been rebooting for some time, then I was surfing... and even though I wasn't officially looking for those kinds of pics, I put myself in purpose in a position where the risk of seeing them was high. And I didn't have to surf very long before that happened. The buzz in the brain, my eyes magnetized by the pic... the thought "There went the reboot," a little mental wrestling back and forth, and surrender.

    Much of the internet is a minefield. They shouldn't leave parts of it lying around for kids or for adults.
     
  10. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Re: ctr-alt-del: Let's Reconnect These Wires!

    Thanks for passing on that article. What a world we now live in.
     
  11. FindingSanctuary

    FindingSanctuary One foot before the other.

    Re: ctr-alt-del: On the Road Again

    It's been a while.
    There are plenty of 'I should's... But let's just leave it at this: I want to. I want to get started, yet again, and live differently.

    Yes, life has been incredibly good these past months. And yet, pornography has crept back in. Reasons are many. Many of them are excuses. With a grain of truth maybe. One of them is that ever since the birth of my son, there's hardly any time in my daily life anymore to sit down and write. Never a dull moment. But also: no reflection. No regular re-calibrating. Or call it conversion for that matter.

    The irony is, however, that I do find my time to sneak away with my tablet and engage in a quick p-fix. Again, the excuse: p is much easier accessible than this forum. There should be an app for this. Yada yada.

    The deeper reason is my sense of entitlement. Let's be honest. Since the birth of TLO, wife's and my sexual activity has been close to nul. Exhaustion, interrupted nights, baby demanding attention...you name it.

    In all the beauty and life of the present: there is some resentment. Sometimes. Which allows me to feel entitled.

    There's more to be said. But sonny needs me. I'm pretty impressed by the underdogs recent post about life vision. I will come back more often - within what my new days allow.
     
  12. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Re: ctr-alt-del: On the Road Again

    There's no better time to "get started". Life doesn't seem to ease up, at least for me. Enjoy the holidays with your family. Peace.
     
  13. TheAndersMan

    TheAndersMan Watch-and-Pray

    Re: ctr-alt-del: Let's Reconnect These Wires!

    Hello FS,

    It's awesome just reading about the birth of your son! Congratulations to you and your wife!

    I just realized something about your screen name: I like that word, "sanctuary."

    Happy new year!
     
  14. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Re: ctr-alt-del: Let's Reconnect These Wires!

    Hi FindingSanctuary,

    Congratulations on the arrival of your son! Yes, friend you can leave the PMO behind anytime you choose. Why not right now?

    This is a question I have asked myself frequently... Would I view porn and masturbate in front of my child? Of course I would never do that.
     
  15. FindingSanctuary

    FindingSanctuary One foot before the other.

    Turning.

    Lent is here. For many it's something like spring cleaning.
    Churches and Christian radio stations talk about "giving up bad habits" as if they were just choices.
    The reality is: this stuff is so much deeper engrained in us than we dare to believe.
    But we are also so much profounder loved than we dare to hope.
     
  16. TruettW

    TruettW Active Member

    Re: ctr-alt-del: Let's Reconnect These Wires!

    But the trickiest part is to love ourselves profoundly, and to forgive.
     
  17. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Re: ctr-alt-del: Let's Reconnect These Wires!

    Hi FindingSanctuary,

    Really great to see that you have not given up on your ultimate goal to recover from the PMO addiction. I still say , you can do this! You have a solid 5 days on this path...awesome.

    What Truett said.. "love ourselves profoundly, and to forgive." This is a wonderful way to begin..

    I have given up some things for Lent, I don't think giving up a major addiction for Lent , just because it is Lent would be all that beneficial and the possible guilt if there was a slip? I think you have displayed a healthy mindset for recovery earlier in your journal and in your comments towards others...
     
  18. FindingSanctuary

    FindingSanctuary One foot before the other.

    I totally agree, fc. As I wrote in a group:

    Started a fasting for lent on Ash Wednesday - not a full fast, but a fast of simple meals. Decided to get back on track here, not because I think "giving up porn for lent" is such a great idea (in particular: not something I want to take back on after Easter), but I know myself well enough to know I will look for alternative ways of instant gratification since selfmedication through food is not an option.

    Thank you for all the encouragement.
     
  19. FindingSanctuary

    FindingSanctuary One foot before the other.

    I'm not very satisfied with my diet, tired of a sleep with not very much sleep (thanks, sonnyboy), doing daddy daycare today and not getting much accomplished. Dangerous days to give in. I need to get out and so something. Let's go for a walk, sonny.
     
  20. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    A walk with your beautiful son! Such a great image... I have gone most everywhere with my son since he was born, he is now 15.

    Enjoy being with him the time flies!
     

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