Crichton Journal

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Crichton, Oct 3, 2023.

  1. Crichton

    Crichton Member

    Welcome to my Journal. Below you will find the rantings of a mad man.

    My name is Crichton and I have a porn addiction. I relapsed a lot and my energy has been sucked out. I was making progress. But jerking off 3 times in 2 days wiped it. I've been making weekly streaks. But always seem to let that pathway come back out of habit. Been jerking off for 20+ and I'm done with it. But I need a journal to express my journey.
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2023
  2. Crichton

    Crichton Member

    Day 1 13:00

    Just relapsed. I don't relapse when I keep busy. Today shouldn't jerk off again because I'm busy. But I keep putting off going to martial arts ans everything physical but lifting a bit. I'm gonna get involved by responding to other 5 times a day.

    It's crazy because I have two hobbies I can do tonight, but I'm so drained J don't want to do either

    -Cold Showers
    -Work out
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2023
  3. Crichton

    Crichton Member

    Give it a couple hours Crichton and keep busy. It will get better


    Libido: Flatline 1/10
    Drive 3/10
    Masculine Swagger 2/10
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2023
  4. Crichton

    Crichton Member

    Night 1

    Having a hard time tonight. Wanna jerk off again and yet my dick isnt even hard. Coming into my journal here may have prevented that.

    Libido 1/10
    Drive 3/10
    Swagger 2/10 scratch that make it 3/10

    Made it through, heading to dreamland. PS getting a hard one talking to some cute girls
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2023
  5. Crichton

    Crichton Member

    Day 2

    Woke up with slight morning wood. Still small numbers among stats. But still coming back here when 9 have urges

    Libido 3/10
    Drive 3/10
    SWAGGER 2/10

    So I've got many girls interested in me. On paper they are better than the girl I have interest in. We went on a couple dates. But she said she was too busy. Which I believe her. Which means "it's okay" but it doesn't make it any easier
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2023
  6. BackOnTrack

    BackOnTrack Active Member

    I also take cold showers for like a year now and they've been pretty beneficial for me in reducing my stress level and getting less sick.
    Good luck to your recovery!
  7. Crichton

    Crichton Member

    Thank you, yeah I used to take them all the time. But it takes awhile to get used to. But then again it has numerous health benefits. So I will defiently try to get back into it
  8. Crichton

    Crichton Member

    Night 2

    I've learned not to be a fan of 90 day challenges as it implies you will do it once again. Does it really help? Not me.
    But good day at work and that girl I mentioned I had a great convo with. 90% sure she is still into me as well. But women are like fish. Have to give them some slack. You can't pull them immediately in or the line will snap.

    However, my focus should still be on me. I think a good list is
    1) Yourself
    2) Family/Friends
    3) Hobbies
    4) Women

    Porn addiction is putting women first. Key is to focus on you. Build your family and friends. Get some hobbies and then focus on women.

    Most of us have deeper unresolved issues. Scratch that all of us do as addicts. Unless you are a crack baby. The key is to confront and overcome them.

    To me it seems like a wisdom tooth hole healing up. Im so used to jerking off and it becomes not even a bordem thing. Just like a bad habit I dont really enjoy anymore.

    Part of the reason I've cut back and have stopped is my personal life got better, I improved myself, and I talk to real women.

    Back when I had a real porn addiction. Porn was 100% my life and thus was all I had. But that relapse got to me yesterday.

    To Acknowledge the fact that it's always there and will be until the pathways dry up. So I can't even go well fuck it I'll jerk off. Cuz thats a slippery slope.

    Libido 4/10
    Drive 5/10
    SWAGGER 5/10
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2023
  9. BackOnTrack

    BackOnTrack Active Member

    Hi Crichton,
    it sounds like you're doing plenty of good things to overcome the addiction already.
    What I found helpful is analysing my relapses for the reasons it happened and also how.
    For example I used to have that ritual where I would check on exes/ former hook ups on social media and that would often lead to me watching porn in many cases.
    Other than that there are so many sexualized posts on social media it is easy to become triggered by girls in yogapants etc.
  10. Crichton

    Crichton Member

    Day 3

    Today was busy. I was so busy I didn't notice anything. So at least of the addiction front there is nothing. But as it pertains to me, well I guess I am still flatlining. Yet, my flatline doesn't seem to be effecting other things. I am getting flirted with constantly. I have zero libido but still flirt constantly.

    Libido 1/10
    Drive 6/10
    SWAGGWR 6/10
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2023
  11. Crichton

    Crichton Member

    I tend to stay off social media just naturally. But yes sex and women in tight things are everywhere. We are exposed to softcover porn all day. I avoid it by cutting out ads in my life.

    I think you also have to ask what is missing. I had zero leads with women. Now I have like 5+ and can replenish them pretty quick. Doesn't mean I am dating or banging them. But when you do it's a whole different energy.

    I don't give a fuck and I see a woman in tight stuff and just naturally flirt with her.

    So I think the obstacle there is to go..."hmm that's a hot girl in hot clothing"...okay but she's on a screen. Oh wait I'm talking to these 5+ girls and flirting everyday. But that takes work and a lot of pain.

    It's all about what's caused the pain. Does your job suck? Does your social life suck? Are you broke? Do you suck with women? All of these lead to porn as a coping mechanism.
  12. Crichton

    Crichton Member

    Night 3

    I come here when I get strong sexual urges and I don't know where to channel them...wait I haven't work out tonight...

    I worked out and that did it. I still need to upgrade my job and finish writing my fiction book. If I keep busy and improve shit. Then the urges get better.

    I will say since I started lifting again and getting muscle people treat you different

    Libido 2/10
    Drive 6/10
    SWAGGERZ 4/10
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2023
  13. Crichton

    Crichton Member

    Day 4

    Geez look at that, already 4 days in

    Defiently getting some strong cravings right now. Luckily I am at work and they should pass

    More awful cravings, phew. Yeah rough stuff

    Libido 8/10
    Drive 6/10
    Swagger 5/10
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2023
  14. Crichton

    Crichton Member

    Day 5

    Yeah we are hitting the rough stuff. I wanna peak. I have work today and so that is gonna take a lot of the pressure off. I'll be much better once I get into the teens of a streak.

    Tomorrow is a different story. But tomorrow I also have a date...probably. so that will take pressure off too

    It's tough when you can't get your mind off one girl. Yet you have many others who are interested in you and quite attractive and you go with.

    Of course I was the idiot who dated a co worker briefly but things didn't work out because she was too busy and I believe her. With everything going on in her life. But I do believe and it's not a hopeful delusional belief but a real one.

    But those will fade and whatever happens "it's okay"

    Night 5

    It's hard to believe it's been 5 days already, 5 days completely Clean no peaking. There was a time when I would count the hours. It was hard. Part of that was when I had nothing else.

    But now it's easier. Don't get me wrong. There were some rough times yesterday.

    I'm almost already at a week. Before you know it will be 7/until I die
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2023
  15. Crichton

    Crichton Member

    Day 6

    Already went on one day and have another at 7. The first one went pretty well. But it also did a great job of distracting me.

    The important thing is to stay busy and out of pants and away from peaking.
  16. Crichton

    Crichton Member

    Day 7

    Phew its already here. One week may I say fuck yeah. I think the weekends are the hardest. Because unless I clog them activities there is a lot of temptation.

    It's easier but still not easy. The temptation I'd almost like a whisper and not a yell.

    But this is why as an addict you have to stay busy.

    Night 7

    Came close to relapsing but didn't. But to compensate I binged TV and video gameS. Not so great...but better than porn. I think from now on I am going to have a TV free/electric device day. Except for mu kindle
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2023
  17. Crichton

    Crichton Member

    Day 8

    Wait how did I?
  18. Crichton

    Crichton Member

    Day 1

    Ouch slipped but it was a quick one. Back on the horse. Got triggered by this girls large personalities. Which is fine. I just have to save that serum for the right time.

    I get to this week zone, where I feel this meh or get sidetracked. I guess I need to really start Projects. That may be a good way of doing it.

    Its easier to slip up again

    I think first days are the hardest. Because you say hey this day doesn't count. But it really does
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2023
  19. Crichton

    Crichton Member

    Day 2

    Good day, fucking tiring day though

    I can feel the drain and lack of Swagger. My voice is a little lighter as well. But that should change back in a couple of days
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2023
  20. Crichton

    Crichton Member

    Day 3

    My day consists of work today and of possible applications to new jobs and working on my side hustle.

    I have begin to input stoicism into my life. Although it does seem completely counter to my personality of excess passion.

    I think most of us are passion and that is an amazing tool. However that passion can be misguided into things that are indeed bad for us.

    Let's use somes example. I like a girl very much. Things did not work out. Thus I have no control of it and "it is okay." Does this absolve me of any emotion. No especially due to the passion.

    I want a new job. But my feelings of the unknown stop me from pursuing it. Like an invisible fearful hand. The logical thing to state is that there should be no fear. In fact there will be opportunity. I will loose the known but get greater unknown.

    Thus I guess my hesitation is due to fear of loss. Of the abyss of the unknown. Yet inaction is a form of action and logically the best perceived outcomes lay with moving on.
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2023

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