Could this be the answer to my problem?

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by ananoman, Dec 5, 2012.

  1. ananoman

    ananoman Active Member

    This serous monk mode is seriously difficult. Was running errands today and a young hottie just popped onto my radar from my peripheral vision, then later I took a nap and my mind drifted into erotic thoughts that I had to toss aside.
     
  2. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    This works for me... others might scoff or laugh... hey no problem. If out and about and running into attractive ladies I emphasize that they are my "sister" or daughter of my "sister" which spiritually they are. This nips "lusting" in the bud.
     
  3. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    It is tough at the beginning, but it only took me like 45 to 60 days of doing it to slip into the deepest flatline I have ever experienced. After I reached that point I could be looking at a perfect 10 in a bikini and feel nothing. Yep, that is scary, son. :)

    But, you realize that those deep flatlines are doing all the unwiring...then you gotta rewire, engage in more sex than you probably even have the libido for. Without O, preferably. These are the things I feel has helped me the most. Monk mode and then rewire marathons with the wife/girlfriend, and even then it takes months (for me anyway, I am a serious case).
     
  4. ananoman

    ananoman Active Member

    Making it Day by day. There's a part of me that really wants to cave as I find the lack of dopamine disparaging.
    I am getting lots of chances to see my beautiful wife in various stages of undress these past few days though. We are visiting relatives and have to make due in the small guest room of My sister in law's house. There is nowhere for us to go for privacy. I'm certainly not complaining
     
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2017
  5. ananoman

    ananoman Active Member

    An idle mind is the playground of the devil.

    I'm still traveling, visiting relatives. My wife was spending time with her parents and siblings and I was stuck here in the heat with nothing to do all day. I caved. Time for a reset.

    If I'm going to retire early I better have a plan to keep myself super busy or this is going to become a constant daily battle for me.

    At least work keeps me occupied.
     
  6. ananoman

    ananoman Active Member

    I was serious about the rethinking retirement issue. I've been pondering an early retirement (I'm 53) and if the boredom that I had to deal with these past few days is anything like what I might face in early retirement I'm going to have to keep working some just to keep myself occupied.

    My prostate issues flared up a bit and I'm sure its because I messed up. I need to stay on top of this
     
  7. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    How about volunteer work? I'm closing in on retirement myself and would like to give some of my energies in helping others.
     
    Newman8888 likes this.
  8. ananoman

    ananoman Active Member

    I am considering that. Right now I am semi retired- I work 24 hours a week, so I could either continue as I am or substitute volunteer work for it. But I am definitely going to need to do something
     
    Saville likes this.
  9. ananoman

    ananoman Active Member

    My brain really is seeking out a dopamine hit. I took my daughters out to dinner and every attractive girl on the street just popped up in my vision. It was difficult to continually avert my eyes.

    I got a nice workout in after work and right now I'm feeling the best I've felt in many days
     
  10. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I enjoy the fact that I can feel, knowing I will not act upon it. We are, after all, feeling beings.
     
  11. ananoman

    ananoman Active Member

    That's so true. After all, what we are dealing with is a natural, normal and God given biologic response. We just have to learn to set boundaries and keep things under control.
     
  12. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Seems to me the trick is to only sanction the sex-dopamine-buzz when you're in the process of having sex.

    Our society (advertising agencies/Hollywood/porn) realized how powerful the sex dopamine rush is and capitalized on it to make money and turn us into pavlovian dogs, but we really shouldn't feel that huge surge of dopamine when looking at the hottest girl in the world on the street or in a movie. Seriously.

    Here me out....yes, we should feel an urge to go talk to her, but fantasizing about sex with her at that point isn't logical or productive or really "normal". It's as simple as creating fantasy vs reality, and I find that this is a major theme in our society.

    Having sex with that girl on the street will in reality take a lot of effort and risk. Having sex with that girl in your mind is free and easy...and you stay in your shell and you're trained to never take risks, then you actually start to prefer fantasy. Dig?

    It's really quite frightening to think about this in depth as this type of thing is ubiquitous. So ubiquitous that most people don't even notice it, and yet it is a fundamental flaw in our living/survival skills.
     
    Newman8888 likes this.
  13. ananoman

    ananoman Active Member

    Agreed 40New30. The challenge is in being able to curtail all the stimulus we are constantly bombarded with in our modern society.

    The best 7 day recovery period I've experienced in the past year was the week I went to Honduras on a missions trip. I went to a remote area. There was no artificial stimuli to speak of- no noise pollution, no TV, pretty much no internet, nothing. Also I worked very hard all day and was so tired that all I could do by the end of the day was sleep.

    When I cam back to my wife the buzz I got from being with her was as if I had been gone a month.
     
  14. ananoman

    ananoman Active Member

    messed up yet again yesterday. Was dog tired and let my guard down
     
  15. ananoman

    ananoman Active Member

    Several have posted this notion of fantasizing having sex with the person you see on the street. I guess I must be the odd one because I have never looked at women that way, and I still don't. I guess it was my sheltered childhood and my conservative christian upbringing, not sure. I will confess that more recently though (past decade) I do see attractive women and wonder what they might look like undressed
     
  16. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Hi ananoman,

    I think it is a blessing that you have not used real life women as fuel for fantasy. I have not done that for a very long time now. If I notice an attractive woman I try to appreciate and dismiss or move my eyes along. I am not always perfect in this regard but I try hard. I think when I used real women as fantasy that was even worse for me than my PMO use.
     
  17. ananoman

    ananoman Active Member

    Heading out for a vacation at the beach. Going to have to stay vigilant.

    I'm reminded of that summer that I spent with a christian's men's group that met weekly and all we talked about was our battles with Porn. There was one guy in the group who was so uptight about his family beach vacation. He was so concerned about ogling women that he was considering not going or possibly just staying in the hotel room for the week. I recall thinking how sad it was
     
  18. ananoman

    ananoman Active Member

    So far it has been an enjoyable beach vacation. I had to dig deep and resist caving last night and succeeded!

    There has definitely been some staring at the beach. It seems the women's bikini bottoms are getting skimpier. But there have also been an awful lot of bodies that I'd have preferred not to have seen in a bathing suit.
     
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2017
    Boxer17 likes this.
  19. ananoman

    ananoman Active Member

    Just checking in- This morning I woke up feeling the best that I have felt in a long time. Even though my sleep wasn't as long as I would like, for some reason it was restful. I woke up twice but the second was close to when I was going to get up. I logged in 6.5 hours of actual sleep which is much less than I would expect given how I feel. It just goes to show you that it isn't always about the length of time you sleep.
     
    Saville likes this.
  20. ananoman

    ananoman Active Member

    I'd be lying if I said this no looking at P or P subs is a piece of cake. It is now day 8 since I last caved and the thought is always there in the back of my mind. It is made that much more difficult because I am constantly bombarded with potential triggers everywhere I look on TV, magazines, the internet, advertisements, even on the street in the real world.

    I'm taking it one day at a time but it is hard.
     
    Boxer17 likes this.

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