I'm a 49 year old healthy male, happily married to a gorgeous woman, father of 3 great kids, religious and active in my church, and I've M on a fairly regular basis since the age of 12. I've also been looking at porn off and on for most of this time, and with the advent of high speed internet my viewing of porn has become a regular occurance but have never gone off the deep end with it mostly because of my faith. Around 11 months ago, I began to struggle with performance. I thought it might be Low T because I'm getting older so I went and got tested but all tests came back normal. I stopped M for a while mostly because it was no longer giving me the release it once did and my problem mostly went away, which is something that I made note of but didn't really look into any further. During the past few months my MPO habit picked up. I went to Vegas at the beginning of November and was having dinner with some friends when our waitress came by and let me tell you, she was playboy material and she was dressed to show her assets. Yet her presence and seeing her did absolutely nothing for me and it was at that moment that I realized that I had a problem. That night I went online and in my research stumbled on the YBOP website, and it really opened my eyes to the magnitude of how this behavior can affect so many aspects of my life. It has now been a month since I've PMO but it has been a rough . I wanted to start this thread in hopes that my sharing will be an encouragement to others as well as a support for me as I battle this. The reason I titled my thread "Could This Be The Answer To My Problem?" Is because I have spent a lifetime being tired and living like my brain is in a fog. I've been tested for everything- Lyme disease, chronic fatigue, restless leg syndrome, sleep apnea, thyroid.....you name it, the Dr's have looked into it. In the end they just say that I'm normal and I fell this way because I work too hard. I'm starting to wonder if maybe my tiredness/brain fog could be related to my masturbation habit? Anyone have any ideas?
So in the month that I've stopped PMO it has been rough as I am clearly going through withdrawal. I'm even more tired than usual. I'm actually napping a lot (which I normally don't do), I've been lethargic, moody, and depressed. Yesterday was the best I had felt in a long time but today not so good. I'm hoping that better days lie ahead...and soon. I haven't had to battle urges and I've had sex with my wife 3 times since I stopped the PMO. One issue though is that because I am so sensitized from abstaining, I'm not lasting long in bed, and my wife commented on this today (BTW- she doesn't know the details of what I've been going through, although today I said to her that I've been trying really hard to "be a good man" and I think she got my drift)
Welcome aboard. I'm not sure if PMO is related to your general tired/foggy feelings or not. However, stopping PMO has certainly helped some people in these areas. I'm not sure if it's helped my mental clarity. I don't have any serious issues but have always been absent-minded. Psychologically, it's helpful to know I'm battling the PMO dragon, though. I think it's already helped me a bit in gaining more confidence and being less withdrawn from others (areas I've struggled in during the last 10-12 years). You're doing the right thing. Stay the course!
Hi -ananoman- Bless you, you have a great life and family, and you are questioning something that most men take for granted now. PM has crept into the mainstream, almost. It takes lots of determination and courage to face this, you have made a great start. When I did my first purposeful reboot last year which was around 150-160 days until I slipped, I did find the fogginess and need for naps for about 30-45 days then it began to lift and I was astounded at the clarity, focus and energy I had. We don't realize the extent that these powerful brain chemicals can affect our whole being. Stay strong, be well, this is a great site.
Thanks for the encouragement guys. In regards to the fatigue issues, One thing I've looked at is the possibility of adrenal fatigue. I have virtually all the symptoms and have lately been relying on caffeine and nitric oxide to get me going and keep me going. I stopped cold turkey at the same time as my reboot which might explain why I'm really in a funk.
My (un)-educated guess is that the fatigue is just a side-effect of the reboot. Dropping coffee may have a minor effect but that will wane quickly, probably within less than a week. Like yourself, I am a man of faith. (Not preaching to anyone, just stating facts.) I always wondered how it was that I could not believe in fornication but be so entertained by watching it. The info at YBOP explained that to me and, truly, explained my life history. I was molested at an early age by a relative and developed a neural shortcut to a dopamine fix. I was obsessed with sex when I was a very small child and now I know why. My character isn't the problem, my dopamine addiction is. I bring this up as a way of strengthening my own understanding of PMO and why a person with my views would still be susceptible. Keep fighting the fine fight.
I was also fighting a big part of my life to leave Mo. I was in a christian community, but my prayers didint help. Now YBOP an this community helped me to get rid of this problem. Seems that God is working in other ways than pious peple think. Still I having a lot of problems, but I am shure, that they can be solved. About coffe: After rebooting 30 days, my coffe consumption went down. And for some doctors now coffee is healthy ... up to five cups per day. If one or another cup will help... why not. I also know about the fatigue ... I even used PMO to get som sleep during day fatigue... Welcome here and move on! The Lord is with us - in his special ways...
I'm also religious and active in my church -- I'm actually part of the clergy. For me, I've always thought of my PMO addiction as a spiritual problem, and tried to address it as such. Upon finding YBOP it struck me that I haven't had success quitting because I'm not addressing the (obviously) physical, chemical and neurological components. I think the church has dangerously separated the soul from the body placing the greater emphasis on the soul. Attending to and understanding the physical components of my addiction (ie dopamine cravings etc) has given me a greater capacity to fight PMO than spiritualizing it and praying over it. These thoughts have been running through my mind for a coule of weeks now, but i havent posted them because i wasnt sure if there were many religious folk reading my posts to make sense of it. Does this make any sense to you? Keep fighting the good fight! Blessings
To my fellow brothers in Christ and everyone else who has been so bold as to make this commitment- Thanks so much for the replies of encouragement. Yes, I agree that the church seems to have a disconnect between the spirit and the body, and their approach of replacing this desire to M or PMO with the love of Christ just doesn't work, at least for me. I remember joining a men's group 15 years ago and for three months it was like a broken record. The guys would come to the meeting and confess their sins and it was always PMO. The group disbanded after the three months because clearly we weren't moving forward. The men's group I am in now (for the past 10 years) doesn't really go there. Instead we focus on studying the Bible or a book. once in a while someone will share a confession about PMO but it is rare.
Hi -ananoman, I am a Christian, I came to Christ about 4 years ago and was baptised with my then 10 year old son. I have felt false when I professed my faith to God through Jesus but then willfully carried on with my PM addiction. I am not going to beat myself up over my sinful nature, I have confessed to God, I am forgiven. I do not want to be a hypocrite, as a man, as a Christian. I have spoken with a few really great pastors who have helped me enormously, much compassion and love was shared with me. I think my discovery of YBOP and the discovery that I have a chemical dependancy for dopamine was directed by God, I had asked for help in prayer and found some of the answers at YBOP, and of course I found this forum. I pray every morning for the strength to get through the day without porn. Bless everyone on this forum fighting this brave fight, all the courageous men , of all faiths or no faith, I respect all of you.
Well spoken, FC (Sir Full Member FC) Just as I said, God is a secret God, and he is not depending on Churches or persons who believe in him. He is helping without condition. And he is using non-believers to help even belivers. YBOP is a great blessing to many folks, especially because it is just science-orientated. And all those guys here are a blessed community, even if having no faith. But maybe it should be announced: If our strength is not enough - there is strength and support from others. Just to tell it even atheists: Even if you are not aware of it - you are carried also from others, unconditioned and leaving you your freedom. (Should say Amen, but here is not church and I am not the Pastor...)
Last night was rough. Had to really fight the urge to look at Porn, and the wife wasn't in the mood. My trigger was a night out with the wife to attend a dinner party and man did she look hot! This morning wasn't any better. My wife even said in code "why don't you just go masturbate?" I told her that I'm making a commitment to stop doing that. I'm a bit disappointed by her cavalier attitude but I guess she just doesn't understand.
Yeah with my wife If things happen its got to be pretty much on her terms. Fortunately for me we had a nice afternoon delight which gave me great relief because I was starting to slip....
So great that you got through any temptation and had wound up with "afternoon delight", very, very good. It is weird that many women, look at our PM use as a legit. thing. My wife has , in the past, suggested and said, "take care of it I can't tonight". I know she did not mean it in a bad way, just she did not want me to be "frustrated" and she was not into it (which is her right). She did not know I was addicted to porn then, I had not admitted my problem yet. She , like many women, just thought a little porn was okay, even fun, sometimes. I read a newspaper article a few weeks back and a sociologist type person, a woman, was advocating that porn takes the pressure off relationships and helps keep marriages together. I don't think she had a clue what she was talking about. I guess maybe the way some of my friends use porn is the equivalent of "social drinking" , just occaisionally, sometimes with their partner. But, for us addicts it can never be used that way, it has to be zero usage.
I don't think it has to do with "us addicted". Take any textbook healthy and mentally sane male. You can still say that zero P in his life it's better than any infinitesimal quantity of P. I'm starting to believe that all the medical business is eager to create every now and then their own patient quadrants. In a conscious amount: way below the average for mass diseases, above the threshold to get a tight week agenda. Recently I heard a doctor giving an 8 yo boy the advice that "occasionally, sometimes" fast food is okay. I fumed with rage inside. Some of my elderly relatives were used to say: the more you talk to doctors, the sooner you'll die. Stay Strong N
Talk about making up for it..... so this morning my wife initiates another session unfortunately I'm unable to finish the job as it is coming on the heels of our afternoon delight. But the good news is that I was able to perform, just couldn't finish. ON the energy front, it seems that I am feeling a bit more energized, but not great. I'm starting to think that I might not ever feel great. Part of it could be SAD- I definitely have a bit of that and right now where I live it is overcast damp and rainy
I am no doctor, nor am I an expert in PMO, brains, or anything neurological or physiological. But, I do believe that at some point in your reboot, you are going to come alive physically and mentally. I think something is going to happen during the course of everyday hum-drum type activities to awaken you to the fact that your brain and mind are different. You are getting sharper mentally as you reboot and rewire your brain back to a P-free state, so something you encounter or experience should make you realize that. I also believe that all that PMO upsets your hormonal balance, which you would think would wear you down. And once you heal from ridding yourself of PMO, you ought to feel energized. I know that everything I see in ordinary life looks more vivid and colorful. I also feel on top of the world physically. Maybe it's all in my head???? I really don't care what's causing it. I'm just thankful. I feel like I have a new lease on life.
Hi ananomam, You are lucky to can have intercourse with your wife. And finishing is not the aim. Would just encourage you to think about karezza - there is much joy and pleasure in being together. For me, it seems that I am in a kind of flatline - no interest at all, not even touching myself, or watching P or having intercourse. But we do a lot of touching, and cuddling, and massaging, and talking and we are far better off the than before, living seperate lifes. Just continue your good way!
Today was a good day. My energy level fluctuated but I'm felling tons better than last week. I'm still holding out hope that a total reboot will be the answer to my energy/fatigue problem. Looking back, I can recall only once that I abstained from M for over 6 weeks, so maybe, just maybe this will make a difference, although this time I'm active sexually with my wife.
Hi ananoman, You are doing great, just wondering, do you have an exercise routine you follow? Exercise is really helping me. Stay well.
